Where Is “Somewhere Else?”

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Have you ever heard that old song that talks about being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or, is it the right place at the wrong time? It seems I am perpetually in a similar position, and someone feels obligated to let me know. It’s as if I am stuck in some sort of Alice-in-Wonderland story with countless characters steering me away from where I am or think I should be.

If I choose to pick up pencil/pen and paper and draw something, that’s nice…but could I draw somewhere else at some other time? This isn’t the time or place for that. And, so many wish I had a better place to use that talent, a talent which I think is less impressive on paper than it is in my mind and the minds of those who see what I create. [My true talent is in composition and in my imagination and possibility thinking, in getting people to visualize great opportunities and awe-inspiring concepts…when I believe in the concept, not to sell merchandise for someone else.]

Then there will be moments when I express an interest in or ability to draw/create something, and someone will get excited and want me to do that and more…until I start and hear them or someone else tell me, again, it’s the wrong place and time for creating. And then there are other moments when I resist or refuse to draw/create and someone will say, “Didn’t you say you’re an artist? Why aren’t you using that talent?”

If I choose to speak–about anything–at length, I soon enough hit a roadblock with someone and have to curb my words. Oh no; I’ve said too much. [Yes, I hear REM, too.] I said something inappropriate, even if I try to speak cautiously and respect the interests of those present. Look out; it’s the next detour which is sending me to Shutitville. I’ll see you some other time, maybe. Or, I should realize you and I will never see eye-to-eye and avoid future discussions (with you). [Some people you try so hard to communicate with that you fail to accept the possibility that not everyone will “click” with your way of thinking. Some connections you just have to avoid or accept as failures.]

If I try to make friends online, without first seeing someone’s face and physically shaking their hand, I’m weird and/or crazy. Certain games provide the means to connect with other players…and then, perhaps, post notices about privacy and avoiding certain subjects to protect them and everyone’s privacy…which makes the whole interactive aspect questionable. Are we so starved for social contact that we inject it into video/computer games only to wince and feel pain when it’s too much to bear? Why play dangerously?

All I know is that I see an opportunity to socialize without my usual face-to-face social anxiety, to meet and interact with people around the world, to put an internet tool to its best use, not its worst, and I’m classified as “wrong.” I don’t want to “quick chat” and leave it at that. I’m not using a handful of stickers to substitute human interaction. If you want to talk about what is wrong, it’s trying to put my typically busy, heavy brain’s thoughts into less than three words from a very limited selection of phrases/faces.

What if what I need to say doesn’t fit those words? How does one say “You suck” or “Let’s do this, again, sometime” with a wink and a tongue? Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to see others repeatedly rubber-stamp the same tired words/symbols on my screen and be unable to convey what is going through my mind?…to have a microphone but be unable to adequately use it?…to see food or some other useful object and be unable to use it? That is evil.

You cannot reconnect with someone another day just by sending a “friend invite” and potentially adding them to a list, especially if that person/list doesn’t seem to grasp how to use it or speak my language. Right now, I have a few friend lists which might as well be coated in cobwebs because more than half of the people on those lists don’t seem to know how to communicate nor send invitations to play…nor respond to my invitations. A few might not be legitimate players, meaning they are some sort of spying or hacking weeds sitting in my interactive space. And, for some reason, I cannot remove them? How did they even get on my list?

I need to get to know my teammates, if they are worth knowing, and have the chance to establish solid friendships. Otherwise, I’d rather just go back to the old games that require someone to sit next to me when sharing a game. But, if I am limited to teammates I can see and touch, I’d rather curl up in a ball and die. I cannot adequately negotiate with the people around me to find adequate teammates, which is why I sadly turn to the internet and search for companions.

[Sigh.] There is a whole world out there, with some feeling much the same way…and we cannot make those good connections? Surely, there are success stories…or, as people like to fuss and say the internet is a liar, are the stories fake news? Is there no true happiness? Is the whole of the internet just one sly slot or claw machine that teases you with a prize you cannot get?

I get the concern for online security/privacy/safety, which only exposes our weaknesses, our need for interaction and our fear of being hurt and/or robbed. But, then, I wonder why we bother making and maintaining an internet, at all. Is it just one more scheme to get our money, time and energy?…to steal our souls?

Yet, so much is hinged upon the internet. If I want to see a doctor, I’m advised to get an online account with some app and link it to an email account, so I can receive all sorts of useful charts and sort out appointments. [Because using a printer or sharing a phone call is too much trouble? Isn’t that just putting more personal information online where anyone who can hack could tap into it?] If I’m going to go that far, why can’t I be phone or pen pals with the doctors (providers) I like and meet for lunch, sometime? Is that wrong?

If I want to get the instruction manual for some item I just purchased, it’s not in the box (anymore); but there is a tiny booklet that tells me, in seventeen languages, I can either scan a QR code or go directly to a listed website to find the information…maybe…if the link even works or the internet doesn’t glitch. Well, great. Maybe I will learn how to use this thing…or maybe I’ll wish I never shopped for anything.

Is it possible the internet was created to teach people a lesson about want?…to give them too much and eventually drive everyone who isn’t tech-smart away from it into the garden of the oblivious?

Is the internet any different from what happens when you apply for something offline only to get “third party” junk mail which agitates you to no end? Is the internet really any safer than your physical mailbox? You submit personal information like an address and/or phone number to get a chance to win or do something you want and get a bunch of stuff you don’t want which only adds to social conflict and landfills. You might even fill out a form for a legitimate and very personal need, like a doctor’s office, and some “third-party” business could get enough information to send you something you don’t want and sound like they know something you wish wasn’t public knowledge. So, instead of worrying about people you cannot see accessing your “personal data,” you’re bothered by countless businesses and jerks pestering you with a paper trail and sending you bills for things you didn’t buy.

Everything wants to be linked to an email account, which means you have to have some means of online/internet communication/interaction. You have to create an account to access something. And, those application portals don’t usually have opening and closing times. So…just about any time seems to be the right time to create an account.

But, it’s not the right time or place for me to speak or draw?

Whatever.

Am I wrong…here?

I’ve heard plenty of opinions from who may be “the wrong people.” But, what do you think, reader?

If you’re looking for me, I’ll just be standing over there. That’s me, in the corner, losing my…mind. [I can’t say I’m losing my religion because I’m still sorting out that bit.]

What Is Human Nature? We May Never Know

The human being is so complex. After thousands of years, we still do not know its limits or greatest potential. And, yet, man continues to taint and tamper with nature–including the environment and the body itself–with countless pollutants. How can we ever grasp human nature when it’s perpetually contaminated?

In pursuit of science, like the temptation for girls to strip down their dress-up dolls and smear them with graffiti instead of appreciating the creation as it is made, humans spoil the opportunity to understand each other and themselves. And yet, even when it’s not considered scientific research/testing, humans take chances with what surrounds/appears before them, like a school kid in a cold winter city daring to stick his tongue to a flag pole in the middle of a deep freeze. Are we no better now than the cavemen or natives who had to determine which berries were safe to eat?

What if all our “advancements” are nothing more than alternative routes to the same malfunction under a different trending name? What if we could do better by buying into less, not relying on products and services to pamper us and simply observing our surroundings and instincts (not our impulses/temptations) more often? What if we are wasting SO much time, energy and resources on experiments that all ultimately fail to do anything more than temporarily alter our outlook on what is inevitable? [Meanwhile, buyers fill the pockets they do not possess with seemingly (the previous being the key word) endless money and/or power. And, countless others either starve or squander their souls to cheat someone for their hasty, short-sighted benefit, simply because humans fail to work together.]

If you were to imagine yourself as an alien/outsider (saving the expense of crafting and sending some gizmo into deep space to reach out to the unknown which may only end up as more space garbage), employed to survey and sum up the nature of human beings, which of the following would you choose to voice your opinion?

1) “The human being is a constantly changing and viciously circling chemical trip, similar to what they call a roller coaster, a ride intended for amusement which goes in a loop, stirring emotions while risking bouts with hysteria and/or nausea. They change the shape of the track, affecting the range and pattern of reaction, but it’s still just a loop.”

2) “The human being is the bud of the (yet unknown name) flower, like a tadpole precedes a frog. Given time, the evolved form will earn the ego the human perceives to be deserved and become the rightful dominant species of the planet Earth without any capacity for war, experimentation, disease and/or segregation.”