Archive for the 'Looking for Love and Happiness' Category

15
Jun
18

My First TV Crush, Caroline Ellis

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I am not sure what brought this back into my mind, recently, but I found myself tripping back to my young roots and the first TV shows I watched.  [Ya might take a guess at my age from this.]  I was about 4 years old when a show called The Bugaloos was on TV.  I am pretty sure I was four because there was a girl in my kindergarten class who had a hairdo much like the one “Joy,” the pink butterfly-girl, had.  I also knew a girl down the street who looked A LOT like Joy/Caroline (around the time Caroline supposedly had a child of her own, which would have floored me and broke my little heart back then).  And, if I didn’t already have a crush on the girl’s big sister–and if the little sister wasn’t so young–I might have given that little Sally Field-wannabe a second look.  Same bright smile.  Same sweet voice minus the British accent.  It was a look and a time; I tell ya.

If you knew me, it would not come as much of a surprise to hear I grew up watching A LOT of TV.  So many shows came and went, including The Bugaloos.  And, so many shows were “syndicated” (a word I did not know the meaning of for a long time).  They originated more than a decade before I would see them.  But, they were my first TV experiences.  Seeing Martha Raye as the “villain” of The Bugaloos…I now remember why I was so fixated with Lady Elaine from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood; she had a similar protruding nose and complexion.  For so long, I couldn’t figure out why that nose stuck in my mind; it was Martha Raye’s character from The Bugaloos, Benita Bizarre.

And, when I first heard that theme song for The Bugaloos…and saw this breathtaking blonde girl fluttering around in a butterfly costume…I was on Cloud 9.  I was floating on air.  She was like an angel to little me.  I only saw maybe 4 episodes of the 17 that were supposedly made.  But, I just have to pull a clip up on YouTube (bless that video service) to zip back to those days of me in my fuzzy pajama suit and gorilla slippers……

[I remember watching The Great Spacecoaster (a few years later), and looked that one up, too.  I remember the little video screen long before we ever had a tablet with a slot you could fill with an SD card full of videos.   Just the sound that folding viewer would make when it started…and that old footage of “A Witch’s Day Out!”  But, I could not remember the brown-haired girl’s face as well as I remembered Joy from The Bugaloos.]

Can you imagine?  A boy just 4 years old having a hormonal reaction from this butterfly girl who wasn’t flashing anything but a brilliant smile, twinkling eyes, glossy hair and loooooong legs (before I even thought women’s legs were worth ogling).  [I’ve always been more of a face, hair and chest guy.]  And then I went to kindergarten and fell for a girl who was like a young Caroline Ellis, fighting over her with another boy.

So, why do I go on about this now?  Normally, I write a piece like this when it’s the woman’s birthday.  Well, as I said, it just came back to me.  And, here I am looking it–her–up online, finding out she’s only 67?  Gosh.  And, her astrology–aside from being a Metal Tiger year (sigh)–is great…and she’s 5 ft 9 in…  I would have been half her size as a kid, looking up at her like a giant angel.  I think I might have even dreamt of her as an angel in blue like the blue fairy from Disney’s Pinocchio.  And, now she’s practically my size.  Oh the places my imagination goes.  🙂

[I just watched the episode titled “Firefly, Light My Fire.  And, the moment the Bugaloos gathered around the fallen Sparky, my heart nearly exploded from my chest.  I remember dreaming of that moment as a kid, imagining I was Sparky, meeting the Bugaloos in their forest, being nursed back to life by Joy.  And, in the episode “Courage, Come Home,” seeing Joy sing that opening “fly away” song brings a tear to my eye.]

If you’re out there, long-legged Libra butterfly, Caroline, bundle of Joy, and you happen to read this, know that I listened to that interview you did when?   And, I agree with many of the comments people left below.  Your smile, your voice–even though you felt you were talking slowly (it didn’t sound that much slower than you talked in the interview)–that hair and that costume.  You were and still are a precious piece of my youth.  And, I think there’s still a spark of that magical girl still in you.

It wasn’t real magic.  I knew, even then, you weren’t really flying.   [Though I had no idea green screening was a thing back then; ‘laying on boxes?]  But, you were…are magical to me.  [And, it would not surprise me if I wrote a piece like this on this blog some years ago.  That darn deja vu keeps flashing in my head.]

I know you said you’re very private.  [I am quite private, myself, except when my heart yearns to speak like this.]  But, you also told the guy who did the interview that he should have sent a fan letter (even though he said he couldn’t get an address).  If I could, I’d write you a fan letter.  And, if you’d write me back, I’d keep in touch and travel back in time to being that little boy infatuated to the tips of my toes with that pink butterfly from across the pond……

 

BuNdLe of JoY

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[My email box is open. <3]

[And, from there, it’s just a hop, buzz and trampoline jump to my “snail mail” box.]

 

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21
May
18

New Novel in the Works

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I’ve been commissioned to write a novel about my wondrous relationship with the lovely Taylor Swift.** It’s a love story. So, when I ask you to support me in my effort to get it published, just say yes. [Ha.]

It’s called *The Taylor and the Writingbolt.* But, my agent and one publisher said “Writingbolt” should be two words, like lightning bolt.

They also wondered why I misspelled “Tailor.” I told them it’s a little joke and that I’d work in how she fashions various things, like weaving compelling lyrics and grooming her image.

I was looking at this one picture of Taylor the other day, and it got me thinking of cover designs and an old love song.

TASwift-valentine-fluffyredheart-cloudybluesky-longcurlyhairphoto_ap-CSPP-2018-85x11-2J

So, I whipped up a few dozen variations of a theme. Let me know what you think of these samples. I think most of them are quite professional-looking and mildly amusing.

**Commissioned in my dreams. This is just me fantasizing about living with this fine young woman and having her help me write a glorious epic based upon our real relationship, sitting by a sunlit window overlooking lush greenery or a placid beach.

Obsessed?  Maybe.  But, definitely inspired.  It’s amazing what a lil infatuation will do.  Imagine what shared love would bring.  😀

19
Apr
18

Exit the Social Media Freeway System

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Everything internet comes with some measure of traffic. If you feel yourself getting stuck or lost in any of that, if you feel like the loser at a school reunion with nothing to compare, nothing to showcase with a smile, pull to the side, stop the car and get out. Now. Don’t spend another minute putting up with the irritations and discouraging faces around you. Don’t continue to sit in guilt, distress or confusion.  Don’t turn to drugs or destructive behavior as some sort of revenge-slash-self-harm. Don’t keep looking for the off-ramp to satisfaction. Just get off the road and take a few deep breaths where the air is fresh.

This isn’t the venue for making the best of connections.  This isn’t the best art gallery to feature your work.  This isn’t likely the office of the publisher you want to turn your latest fruit of the heart into a bestseller.  I’m not saying these things are impossible here, but the odds are much slimmer.  And, I know slim odds.  I’m tackling them right here with you, steering away from the “mainstream,” trying to exist outside the box.  It’s hard.  No doubt.

But, how many ever achieve anything while in traffic?  Other than road rage and maybe an exchange of papers in the case of an accident?  Other than those rare stories of passersby sparing a crash victim from dying in the vehicle?  How many are making friends in traffic?  I mean something greater than the friendly wave for letting you into the very traffic I am warning you is going to get to you.

Thanks, stranger; I needed a way onto this road to get where I am going…but, wait, I didn’t want this!  Now, I’m stuck.  Again!

Everything internet feels a bit like the rat race to get the latest this or that or fill our “bellies” with what we crave.  And, if you can’t keep up with the speed limit, it can really wear you down or wreck your life.  You might take a break and get right back in it, too.

Why??  What is so addictive about this trafficking.  Heh.  I said it.  This, too, is human trafficking.  It’s not the known definition of the term, for that is just the cover under which so much else goes on unseen.   That’s how moral crime works.  You only see a glimpse of the whole or bigger picture.  There is so much more going on outside your perspective.

Now, let everything I just said wash through your hair and out of your brain.  Let’s get right down to what you’re seeking.

Fame?  Find an agency.  Make a YouTube spectacle of yourself.  Self-publish your books and do whatever you can to get on a talk show or share a table with someone who has her own channel for just about everything and loves bread.

If you seek human connection whether as friendship, love or to feed your soul some other way, reach out to people, at the very least, online as you find them.  Make contact.  But, better yet–and I need to remind myself of this–get away from the glowing screen and deal with people around you.

Want to know what that person is thinking or doing right now?  You know, there used to be this thing called a telephone, technically a “land line,” and you had to use that same scrolling finger you burn up on the glowing slab of plastic-crete you may now hold to turn an actual wheel a few times to reach the person you favor.  And, if that wasn’t good enough, you could put pen to paper and put that in an envelope that went through what used to be called a postal service which then sent the paper and envelope, along with a “stamp” to the person you named on the envelope.  Or, you hopped on a bike, took a hike, caught a bus or drove a car to VISIT the person(s).  Try that, maybe.  You’ll likely feel better and get some fresh air in the bargain, that is, if the air is still fresh when you do.

I’m slapping myself with this one right now (metaphorically), reminding myself to mind the traffic.

 

22
Mar
18

Happy Birthday, Constance Wu!

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March 22nd is Constance Wu’s birthday.  You may know her as the sassy, tough-loving Jessica from Fresh Off the Boat.  But, I am sure she is on her way to bigger, brighter things, just getting fired up like her sun sign, Aries.  [She also is a water dog year, if my understanding of Chinese astrology is correct.]

From the first moment I saw her inexplicably charming face and heard her sweet, musical voice, I was smitten.  The gal can sing!  Then I see her giving refreshingly honest answers in a TV interview, and I am practically sold.  My pen is touching the contract.

—–

Now, if I may address the lady herself…

Aside from a noteworthy height difference, I can see you and I are rather compatible.  There is a fair chance we could butt heads, but I am sure the flip-side of the astro’ coin would even things out, nicely.  I don’t know for sure what your “status” is, but I gotta take this moment to say…  [And, forgive me, if I step on any other man’s toes.]

Darling, yoooooou Wu me.  Oh, darling, yoooooou Wu me.  Darling, yoooooou Wu me.  Honest, you do.  Honest, you do.  Honest, you do.

The first time I saw your face brought infatuation.  And, Wu, it lasted so loooong.  Now, I find myself in a situationnnn.  And, I wonder…with you, can we find our way “home?”  Oh-wu-Oh-wu-Uh-ooooh!


Just look at this picture. She’s got me on her shooooulder.  [I feel another song lyric stirring in my throat.  But, when I added the text below, I had still a different song in mind, by REM.  You’d think she was 15-17 in this picture, but I don’t think that phone existed back then.  🙂 ]

Constance-Wu-rabbitmeonhershoulder-REMlyric_hellogigglescom-700-ap-1

That’s her power.  She can make you sing, with or without her. Well, since you have a phone, Miss Wu, if you don’t mind…

Call me.  😀

22
Feb
18

Happy Dragobete! Saturday, February 24th, 2018

A small contribution of recent inspiration.  Some original art with a splash of humor.  DJ Drago supplying the betes…er, beats.  Your choice of color and design to set the right mood.

Dragobete is a form of Valentine’s Day celebrated especially in Romania on February 24th.  Show the beat of your heart.  Is your love a lock?  Do you add locks to any fencing or other form of wall?

If you celebrate, share your stories in the comment section.

 

21
Feb
18

Happy Untied Day! February 21, 2018

UNTIEDDAY-photoexample-loosescarf-chocolatehoodie-explained-2018-ap-2*****

Today’s the day!

Oh, wait.  Did I send out enough memos and flyers?  Did I post the posters?  I’m sure I did.  Has anyone noticed?

Well, get out there, single people, and represent yourselves.  Today is your Valentine’s Day.  What can you do to cheer yourself up?  What would make today special?  And, if you’re lucky, you’ll find some fresh single face like your own to connect with and start something new.

Don’t forget to wear your loose tie or ribbon (a scarf, in my case, on this chilly day).

SEE MY RELATED POSTS FOR MORE INFO AND ARTWORK.

 

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08
Feb
18

The Impact of (Lacking) Friendship

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I’m going to start of this thought train with a very vital question.  Does anyone else know what it is like to go 30+ years without a solid, reliable, comforting friendship in one’s life?  Does anyone have any idea…if you have a circle or even just two good friends…can you imagine the impact on a life of not having a reassuring friendship for 30+ years?

If I was someone who had at least two friends upon which I could go to with anything and actually hang out on a regular basis, feel like there was nothing taboo or that would earn me some measure of rejection, I would probably be speechless to find someone who had no good friends for that long.

Obviously, I am having a personal crisis moment.  I have these now and then about friendship.  The last time I felt I had a solid friendship, I was 13; and that friend decided to date a “frenemy” (friend who became a sort of enemy/indifferent classmate) and say we’d never be more than friends though I was hoping she and I would be more than friends, after knowing each other so long and growing together and after having feelings I didn’t even understand long before they were a topic in sex education.  I was roughly 7 years old when I knew I felt something for this girl who became a good friend.

I had male friends, too.  But, usually, one at a time, and they were not the best friendships because most of my focus was on what we had to share, video games, trading cards, whatever.  Sure, we could joke and hang out together, but not as often as I would have liked.  [And, there’s another reason behind that I won’t go into, today.  One that was not of my control/choice.]  For some reason, I couldn’t have more than one male friend at a time.  It was like one would rub me the wrong way or he’d get tired of my cautiousness and find someone more fun to visit.  So, out the door one would go, and, somehow, another slipped into place.  I don’t even know how I made these friends.  I think we just sat together at lunchtime and, while talking about video games or some kind of toys, decided we should consult our parents about getting together.

As for my best female friend, we met through a summer group and stuck together through school.  It was almost like we were two trees growing side-by-side.  And, I remember the distinct difference between the guy friends and the girl friend.  The girl friend was more sympathetic on her own while the guy friends found discussing feelings a bit uncomfortable.

I regularly had to curb what I said with the guys whenever they turned stone-silent and looked away.  Even as a kid, I had too much to think about or say, not necessarily being chatty at the time…because I was still one of the “quiet ones” back then.  I didn’t get chatty til my teens when I had to fight for my life, different from the days with bullies when I sometimes settled things with my fist or foot.  [The cornered cat scratched back, back then.]

As I got older, friends became even harder to find and keep.  In high school, I was under a ton of internal turmoil for a handful of reasons.  And, if the guys didn’t know how to deal with that when I was little, they were not much if any better as teenagers.  And, the girls were suddenly like deer in the eyes of wildcats.  The laws of the jungle were taking hold of my peers, and here I was contemplating the meaning of life and where my future was headed.  I might as well have been a lamppost in the forest.  The friendships I managed to make with the old system of common interests fizzled as soon as I became emotional or found my “friend” was supporting a cause or theology I did not respect.  I had to make moral choices, and that left me out in the cold, time and time, again.  No one came to my aid.  Peers didn’t reach out any better than I did.  [I probably would have been more social if I wasn’t consumed with anxiety and depression.]

Even professionals could only do so much; they didn’t understand.  A pill was not the answer; it might mess with my head and distract some part of me from functioning, but I cannot live the rest of my life like that and still feel human or true to my faith.  And, a pill is not the answer to a family situation that’s problematic.

[You can’t make everything better just by twisting my brain into some alien configuration that gets “better channels.”  My family did not have the answer nor accept me as I was.   A pill is not going to change that; talking just to me isn’t going to change that. And, distancing myself from family is only going to make me feel more alone and inadequate without a friendship to fill the gaps.

If people cannot cope with my intense persona, do I honestly think a pill that shuts me up is going to make that all better or allow me to see and use the “tools” someone thinks are the answer?  Some might say, “You don’t know until you try.”  Wanna be a guinea pig and deal with all the hazardous side-effects while trying to find the “right pill for you?”  Be my guest.  I hope you live long enough to toss the pill bottle when you finally feel better before you have other medical issues, possibly from liver or kidney sediment.  I hope the pill spares you from dealing with real emotional matters and when whoever upsets you gets on your nerves, again.  Or, if you’re one of those real lucky ones who DO “level out” just right…well, I’ve got nothing to say about that.]

So began the age of “no one understands.”

Then we get to adulthood and the workforce and how people don’t really mature much, even if they sound and look more mature.  Or, if there were more mature people, I had lost comprehension of maturity and was not seeing them beyond the trees of the forest I occupied.  I might read about someone with a “better” life without knowing all the facts and listen when others point to those people and say, “Look; they can do it.  Why can’t you?”

I manage to get along with coworkers.  I even get brave enough to put offers on the table.  And, on a rare occasion, someone makes me an offer.   But, what happens to those offers?  Not much.  If I get my hopes up, they seem to disappear or go south.  If I hesitate or brush it off, I hear, “Why didn’t you take me up on my offer?”  Um, maybe because I didn’t want to get my hopes up for the first result I mentioned?  Or, maybe you didn’t bring it up twice even though I can mention the same desire/wish a dozen times just to get a faint chuckle and/or a “yea” before it gets ignored.

Have I made any solid friendship with coworkers?  Not really.  I mean, sure, we got along and talked off and on at work for over 10 years.  I can email and call a few just to say hi and “catch up.”  And, no doubt, we’re all good at telling each other what they should do.

But, do we hang out or do anything outside of work?  Oh, no, because there was something wrong with me or my abilities.  Or, as unfortunate as it might be, we both have limitations that get in the way.  And, maybe, I don’t want to be the single, lonely guy poking his nose into a family or married situation when I am unsure of what is good timing or proper to suggest without offense.  [And, I don’t mean I was ogling someone’s wife, either.  But, if I was befriending a guy with an attractive wife, sure, I may feel attracted and then have to watch myself, which does add pressure to the situation.]  I don’t want to be the guy who “has too much time on his hands” and gets plenty of suggestions what to do with myself when I want to spend time with or have someone go over something important with me, who happens to have their hands full with family or their own social life, as if I would be a bother.

So, I am supposed to be a fully functional, professional and well-adjusted adult on his own, not letting what others say or do get to me, doing everything on my own as if I don’t have to interact with anyone yet somehow do whatever is “normal” to avoid being an outsider.  It’s like no one can explain how good friendship works….it just does.  It’s just like Life cereal.  Why does Mikey like it?  He just does.  And, Nike just does it.  So, why can’t I?

Well, if anyone wonders why I am progressing so slowly in terms of a “normal adult life” yet sitting with this “amazing brain” of mine, hopefully this current rant will shed some light on the matter and not drive potential friends further away.

 




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