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Do you feel the need, the need for speed? Do you like fast cars and the engine noises they make? Do you like remote-control cars and enjoy driving recklessly without the risk of losing your life? Do you like video games in which you can customize your “character” and change the music to suit your mood? Do you like soccer…er, futbol (for those who don’t accept the other sport name)…ice hockey, basketball, American football and the concept of using rocket-powered cars to play those sports?
If you answer yes to any of those questions, Rocket League, essentially a high-powered soccer/futbol game, designed for international internet interaction by Psyonix, may be good for your collection. But, this is just a review from the perspective of a Nintendo-Switch player who has been sampling the fast and furious action for about six months, since the game went “public” and expanded its membership to the Nintendo Switch, last summer. The PC origins of the game and its earlier fan base are beyond my limited, non-premium comprehension.
For readers who are among the average lot of players, this review may be too long and too much for you to handle; so you might as well forfeit and bail, now. It’s probably 4:20, somewhere. Go smoke some weed and write “poop” a thousand times, which is about as much as you can say in the game before you get filtered, disconnected and/or banned, though you can name yourself everything horrid and vulgar under the sun. When you’re done, maybe the game will let you play, again; you know; when the ban is lifted. [No. I will not say “Sorry” for those “Savage” words. You know who you are. And, trash talk, limited as it may be, is permitted.]
Now, for those who I have not ruffled with that statement, please, continue reading if you are interested in knowing more about this game and how it plays on the Nintendo Switch (not the PC or any other gaming system which runs the software).
With the Switch, you gain the advantage of connecting with other Switch players, with relative ease, and are able to alter your profile information, most importantly your profile picture and in-game name, allowing you to customize more than just your car, game settings and player anthems. [‘Lots of customization options, including the car’s frame, wheels, engine sound, exhaust stream, tire streaks, colors, decals and antenna decorations. But, many you’ll have to earn by entertaining the masses, like a gladiator in the ol’ Roman Coliseum.]
Other (non-Switch) players appear as either “AIs,” artificial units supplied by the game makers with names, apparently, taken from the movie Top Gun, or “Epic” (user-controlled) icons with some sort of coded identification. AIs fill in for teammates who leave a game before its end (for reasons I have already touched on and will touch, again, soon enough) and play with varying skill. Some AIs seem to play better than the average player and win games for the inept. Others appear to be just as lousy as their teammates or even worse and make costly mistakes in the faces of those trying to avoid one more loss in their “career.” [You can thank your “wingman” Goose, ignore Iceman or bicker with Jester for contributing to your loss.] On a good day…er, night…a pair of AIs will come to my rescue and play better than the players who left me because the team was down one point and they could not score (not to mention defend a goal or drive) to save their lives. [But, what fun is that, playing with “people” who can’t talk back? Oh. Right. That’s what most video-game players have been doing for decades before the age of internet gaming.]
Nintendo-Switch players are free to use short or long…er…colorful names, even symbols for those too shy or not creative enough to craft names. “Epic” names seem to be a given, something provided by the game, and are separate from the players’ chosen in-game names. “Epic” names also seem to be rather odd, random combinations of letters, numbers and words. [PC players might see things from a different perspective. I have not heard enough from any of them because chatting with other players remains a challenge, especially when they have 0 patience to stall their adrenaline rushes as well as greed for “swag” and pointless titles. Perhaps, they see Switch players the same way I see them, as faceless, colorless, odd names and numbers.]
[See my list of complaints below for other problems with chosen and Epic names.]
There is a WIDE assortment of cars to drive and customize. Lovers of car shows and/or movies like The Fast and the Furious and Back to the Future (well…for THE car) are sure to get a thrill. But, when you first start playing, your choices are very limited. As I’ve said before, you have to earn your treats and whistles. You are joining a league of gladiators who use cars to fight their battles and score goals in an arena run by emperors who wear Bluetooth wreaths upon their heads.
Your initial options include a boxy A-Team van called the Merc (which, unfortunately, I could not decorate to LOOK like the actual A-Team van), a reject Hot Wheels racecar called the Breakout and a common RC car called the Octane (which seems to be the most favored and an exceedingly annoying show-off in the hands of adept players). Each has earned some favor with previous players, and you can find videos from real people who will talk at great length about the matter. [I’ll try my best to spare you the expense.]
[Speaking of expense, if you feel so inclined, you can improve your playing experience by “subscribing” to a “premium account” which gives you far more freebies (as you gain rank) and allows you to trade things you don’t want (anymore) with other players. If you’d rather not invest actual money too quickly, you have the option to play the “free version” (as I have) and take your chances with unlocking anything that may interest you in investing more time and energy into this heavy-metal grudge match and geometry test.]
As you…er, progress…through the game, enduring losses, fighting feverishly for wins, earning and losing pointless rankings in the blink of an eye and putting up with teammates of varying skill and attitude, you’ll unlock more and–in my opinion–better options. Though, it seems, the ability of the car and its parts rests upon the player. I’ve seen players do amazing things with the car and parts I thought were useless. It also seems a car can improve its usefulness with investment of time and practice; a car or wheels you use for the first time may suddenly prove a sluggish challenge after spending countless hours with another model.
The average game consists of three players on two teams, orange and blue (though you don’t have to LOOK orange or blue), competing to score goals by driving and, sometimes, launching their cars, like rockets, in a spacious stadium with a dome and numerous glowing pads that provide extra “boost” to help you speed around and perform airborne stunts (you know, if you possess such superhuman skill and like to annoy players who struggle with motion sickness from 3D games). You can also play Doubles and one-on-one Duels, if you prefer less competition and more control; you can even customize the colors and other elements (like gravity and swapping the common ball with a cube) of a game to suit your interests.
[I find myself struggling to control the ball, when I am alone, and do not see much enjoyment in being pitted against no one or just one other player who cannot speak beyond a few restricted text messages. But, to each their own.]
You not only score points by hitting the ball (or puck in the ice-hockey variation) into the goal (or hoop in the Hoops/basketball variation); you can also earn “ping” (audience enthusiasm, I presume?) and participation points which can give you VIP status, potentially earning you a special prize…most often some lame “blueprint” that you’ll get multiple times and never pay to use because it’s not worth the price. Other prizes include new car models, wheels, profile “banners,” methods of painting your car, etc., etc. [I have yet to win a “goal explosion;” so I presume that is just for “premium” players?]
Every week, new challenges are offered to earn an XP (or EXP, aka experience, for you older players) boost and/or unlock a new something. [Don’t get your hopes up.] There are also tournaments you can host and/or enter, some which earn you official “tournament winner” status banners you can proudly display to annoy and scare off other players, though you might not have done anything to earn them in the company of some jaw-dropping gamers who seem born with the ability to send a toy car spinning like a tornado through the air, soaring directly from one goal to the other or bouncing a ball off a wall at such an angle that geometry teachers around the world would cry blood in amazement. [If only the players’ math grades were as stellar.]
There is also something called a “season” which consists of numerous challenges in blocks. Each time you complete a necessary number of challenges in a block, you unlock the next block and the chance to earn certain ranked prizes, including a new metallic finish for your car, like earning a bronze, silver or gold medal in the Olympics. [I reached Silver status in the first season.]
Once in a while, often for a special holiday (season), the game offers special arenas, game formats and/or “swag” you can earn by completing various tasks. There is a concept called “Rocket Labs” in which the makers provide unique arenas, sometimes with unique skills/tools you can use, for a limited time; which is unfortunate when you try and quickly find yourself attracted to a particular game format/arena. The recent Chinese-New-Year, Super Bowl and Halloween (Ghostbusters) events were particularly entertaining.
[On a personal note, I’d like to ask the makers of Rocket League to consider adding the American football variation to the “Extra” menu, to round out the sports options which already include ice hockey and basketball.]
When you need a break from intense, infuriating play, there are options to communicate and trade items with other players. BUT, first you have to add them to your “friend” list. [I know; challenging your anti-social, introverted comfort zones. Right?] Then, you have to PAY for a means of earning “credits” which you will need to trade/buy certain (not all) items and “build” blueprints, turning a crappy hologram into something you can use. I’ve been told there is a “starter package” for unlocking the trading feature, an expense of about five American dollars (in the USA). Chatting is free for those who have become “friends” (Epic or otherwise) and tragically disregarded by most players I’ve encountered; people are more interested in driving recklessly and wasting time against better players than getting to know their teammates and, maybe, working on strategies! [‘More on this in my next section.]
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PERSONAL DIFFICULTIES AND COMPLAINTS
# Often enough, some sort of interference causes the controllers to fail.
Suddenly, my car is moving jarringly on its own and no longer sensibly participating in the game, allowing my team to lose and my rank to plummet as if I was playing blind and dumb. I do not know if this a means of player hacking to disable opponents or a game glitch. Perhaps, too much internet interaction is causing a jam like proton streams crossing in those old Ghostbusters movies. There is no swift way to convey to teammates that my controls are jammed; I’ve tried texting the information, but that risks me being kicked from the game, anyway, because I have to stop driving to type more letters than the average player ever uses. [A headset communication option (and alert/icon for every player who has it active) might be helpful, if everyone I happened to pair up with had one…but that’s a hoop dream.]
# There is the option of activating something called “ball cam” (which my one nephew insists should be disabled) to keep an eye on where the ball (or other target object) goes.
This is an attempt to replace your own human ability to follow the “ball” with your internal compass, turning your head and ears in that direction. Though the game has fairly good sound quality, meshing audience noise with engine sounds and background music which comes and goes in volume for various reasons, there is a lack of natural, instinctive motion awareness, being able to detect something beside or above you. Turning off “ball cam” leaves you with just whatever is in front of your car and whatever surrounding space you can see from the forward viewpoint; the only values I see in this are:
1) Reducing motion sickness from constantly shifting camera angles, sometimes throwing your view above the car where, hopefully, you can keep track of the “ball” in motion (as it soars past you into your goal) and
2) Allowing you to chase down annoying opponents and “demolish” them.
In either case, gameplay is challenging and, sometimes, nauseating, which pushes me to cease playing. There is just no substitute, it seems, for real, outdoor sports, perhaps, without a VR interface and space to play such a game. [Hmm…]
[I personally prefer the ball cam to be on. This seems to add to the controller/signal problem(s) I previously mentioned, but it’s better than not being able to use your peripheral vision and instincts.]
# Other players too often…well…suck. [This is not something the game’s makers can actually fix. But, it deserves to be said.]
When you play for the first time, maybe for a few weeks, you’ll soon realize–unless you were (dare I fuel anyone’s ego) “born to play”–you are “out of your league” and forced to learn how to control yourself as quickly as possible (or get out of the traffic jam). But, practice a bit more, and you’ll soon feel yourself improving and notice how much other players are a waste of your time and energy. [No offense…but…it’s true. And, I am far from what I’d call a “pro.”]
HOWEVER, what makes matters worse is when players turn cowardly in an instant, usually when the team is down by a single point, and decide to leave the game before it ends. Now, in any rational sport with an audience and teams of more than three players, you could not do this. But, in this game, you can. And, when you bail on a game, if it is a “ranked” or “competitive” game, you may lose your prized rank and be banned from playing the game, not just the round you were enjoying? a moment ago, any Rocket League game you wish to try within a set amount of time (if you are not banned completely from all RL usage). That’s right; there are penalties; and, occasionally, you get penalized for mechanical failure outside your control (as I have been).
Now, you, yourself, might want to leave a game before its end because, well, your team sucks. Maybe you are doing all of the work (or think you’re that hot) while your teammates can barely drive or hit a ball in the right direction. Maybe you are earning nothing while one teammate is creaming the competition, whether or not they flaunt their prowess with crowns and flashy moves. Maybe you just hate losing (or are a sore loser). Fine. But, it comes at a price. You might get away with some of it in the non-competitive “casual” arenas. But, you’ll have the gaming police on your tail in the ranked games. If you find your team sending a red SOS vote to forfeit and disappearing from your sides, you can be sure they will either pay or not be playing, again, for some time. But, while that’s their justice, you are still left to pay the price of facing a better team on your own! [And, that royally sucks.]
[So, I ask you, makers of Rocket League, is this justified punishment? Is it fair to be punished by losing rank and/or the ability to enter another game when a player on your team leaves the game, by his/her choice or technical failure? I am sure you tried to establish some kind of law system. But, it’s still not fair (or working fairly). I think players who stay with the game and lose, regardless, should not suffer a loss of rank, even if their team (or what’s left of it) loses. If not this, then there should be no banning from play for those who leave early; let those who are brave (or dumb) enough to stay in play, and let the cowards leave. And, if some glitch causes technical difficulties, it should NOT result in a ban and/or loss of rank, as I have suffered. That’s just cold.]
# Extra-personal peeve: I tire of players who call themselves some variation of “poop” and/or “faze” and either play horribly (and bail) or play so well that I almost feel humiliated for being beaten by poop. [It’s also really annoying playing someone who has a name like NOTAPRO who then plays like a pro and leaves you wondering why you bothered entering the arena. I hate “sorries” and most falsehoods. I also do not get along well with “420s” and any variation of an advertised drug abuser. Nor do I enjoy seeing people who give themselves very vulgar, sometimes horrific names (involving body parts) when players may very well be small children (who cannot drive or adequately hit a ball), leaving parents and relatives to answer uncomfortable questions.] I also despise the abusive use of the Octane car, which looks like nothing more than a common lightweight toy car, which too many players embellish with the over-used crowns and trophies, flaunting their supposed skill. There is A LOT of “posturing” in this game, and it quickly gets annoying.
# Players confuse in-game/Switch names with Epic names.
I, myself, did not realize the problem until someone I teamed up with freaked out over seeing a different name under the car of the person who “invited” her to “team up.” I also found someone who failed to find me on the list of people you “previously played with” to add as a friend. She received an invite from me, but from my “Epic name” which I did not even know I had until I puzzled over what she last said to me before leaving. It took me a long time to reconnect with her and clear up the confusion.
[You might give your Profile the name WinkiFace (which you will see in the games when you score or assist) but send an invite under the name CrookedPanda921 or PreviouslyBanned612.]
Oh; that thing in the corner by the Epic logo…what the heck is that name and who picked it for me?! No wonder they freaked out; even I could not say I had two names. I didn’t know until it was too late. Foreigners REALLY have a problem because some names don’t even translate into the English (or whatever that quasi-English alphabet is) format; they just come out as lines of white squares. Sigh. Such is the life of the game.
# Texting/Chatting is HORRIBLY filtered.
This is a HUGE issue for me, in part, because, often enough, what seems like an ordinary string of words is lumped together as something offensive and BLEEPED OUT, causing the recipient to wonder what horrible thing I just said, denying me from having a civil chat. YET, players are allowed to use awful, immoral, disgusting names…and that is NOT filtered or prohibited. What sense does this make? I feel like some “holy” boy band and their promise rings are running the chat service, banning text they feel is “poopy” or not “pruuudent.”
You could take the chat option away and save players some grief, but then a fair amount of the joy, from connecting with others around the world, would be lost. However, I am sure, fowl language, perverts and the like would not (be lost).
You have a limited variety of phrases and whatnot you can program to keys for use before, in and after a game. But, these ARE LIMITED and not to everyone’s interest/taste. I do not feel SAVAGE! or SORRY! (especially the way some people misuse that word) satisfies my texting needs. I’d love the option of custom text messages with the same key options, but, I’m equally sure, some players would abuse this to flash vulgar and otherwise disturbing messages. So…there seems to be no way to satisfy everyone.
Also, some players “spam” provided text messages until, at some point, the game finally bans them from using the feature (temporarily, I presume). This is (dare I repeat myself…also) annoying. You can adjust chat options to block one or both teams’ messages, but this ruins the opportunity to communicate with teammates, which, I like to think, is part of being a team! Otherwise, you’ve got tape over your hands and faces and can only scream silently when your teammate turns the wrong way, collides with you and/or ruins a chance to score/defend.
[I guess…I choose silence over annoying, repeating messages AND TEAMMATES WHO CHEER FOR THE OTHER TEAM, WHICH PLAYS BETTER THAN MY TEAM (BAILING AND/OR FAILING TO DEFEND/SCORE) AND DOES NOT CHEER FOR MY TEAM. What is up with that?! My sister says it’s good sportsmanship. Did it ever occur to her that a better (though less friendly and sociable) team might keep comments to themselves and not lick the boots of other players?…they just play well and gloat silently? Oh please, master player, let me praise you, so that you might add me to your Epic friend list and let me be on that S2-Championship-Winner team, with which I may earn a useless banner to flaunt and intimidate (or annoy) other players! Oh no! That guy is a S2 Championship Winner!…who did nothing but watch his stellar teammate do all the work, merely spinning through the air when every goal was scored. No one praises me like that, by the way, even if I thought I was that good.]
# Prizes are often underwhelming, and rankings are seemingly pointless. [At least, for non-premium players, I presume.]
You want a free blueprint or set of oddly colored wagon wheels (wheels only some Steam-Punk pothead might enjoy)? I’ve got plenty. If you want a new car model, profile banner or car topper, you’ll have to…uh…earn it as I have. The thing is…how you earn these rewards is sketchy. I could have a really great few games and get nothing. I could have one lucky shot, lose the game and get a prize. And, the value of the prize is also randomized, it seems. You could do very little to earn a wonderful prize and play your best to earn a lousy one. The whole dynamic is a bit like a claw machine; you deposit your time and energy and, hopefully, come out with something, without knowing if that something is worth more or less than what you paid.
[Here’s the most recent and most discouraging “kicker.” I completed the necessary tasks to finish “Season Two” and earn the triple-prize package. That is a LONG list of achievements to complete for three measily surpise eggs. But, the colors of those surprise eggs seemed tempting enough; I mean, they aren’t the lowest of prizes…right? Except…they sort of were/are. When I opened the coveted prize boxes, all I received were a duplicate of a car I had already won “at random,” a lousy set of wheels I’ll never use and a “decal” which I’d consider okay at best. THAT was my big reward for all I had done? THAT SUCKS! What was the big point of completing a season? To get gold paint for my car, like every other season? Or, maybe they will offer some annoying song EVERYONE has to play every minute to show their “status”…or a new crown/trophy you have to flaunt on top of your toy time bomb…er, car. Crap. Or, should I say, 420, 69, Big-Daddy, Faze-ing, ninja, supersonic, UN-lucky monster poop. What does it take to get a decent “goal explosion” like the “Titanium White Overgrowth,” the super-cute robotic bunny-woman DJ or the roaring T-Rex that makes me want to perpetually quote Jurassice Park?]
[Months before this, I completed another bigger-than-small challenge and collected 5 “golden presents.” I was advised to leave them shut and sell them as surprise eggs, next year, when they would (somehow) gain value like stocks or rare unopened packs of Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards. But, another voice prodded me to open them. When I listened to the latter, I was sufficiently disappointed, again (or…for the first time). One of the five prizes I’d call decent. The others I could have probably earned randomly through regular play; most I did not even plan on using. ‘Some reward. Psh.]
Similarly, you earn ranks of various kinds based upon performance AND completion of listed tasks. If you play well enough–psh, that’s asking a lot of a team that hasn’t already given itself a unified name and share the same internet service/server and/or room–you work your way up the list of ranks, including bronze, silver, gold, platinum, etc. If you lose well enough, down goes that rank (and, sometimes, your ability to enter certain tournaments and use other modes/features). But then, there is this other numerical ranking system that determines some of the prizes you receive and a status I don’t understand. It’s that little number that appears with a glowing bar under your picture and name. What is that? Whatever it is, you can improve this by completing tasks which award you XP bonuses.
I’ve had players see that numerical rank and sound astounded as if I was an ace player. That’s not how that works! It does not mean anyone is an ace by any means! All it seems to mean is that I have played enough and served up enough dog tricks to earn those XP bonuses which elevate the number. So, what is the point of calling that a level? I guess, it’s a level of dedication to gameplay? It shows how enslaved I am? It says Writingbolt is so addicted that he stuck around for X number of hours, not including the time spent customizing cars and trying to find music that doesn’t annoy him?
Which brings me to…
# The music is okay if you like Grand Theft Auto and/or moody techno/new-age tracks.
I can see myself playing those old, awful games, stealing vehicles and listening to various tunes while committing other crimes. One out of five songs is tolerable. I can count on one hand how many I like. [I’m partial to the vocals of Morgan Perry, but the videos that go with those songs are fairly inane, like old ads for Axe body spray without the humor.] Last “season,” an artist known as Slushii had a catchy tune I picked as my favorite, but it, too, has moments of annoying repetition and high-pitch grating. [To each their own. I WOULD like to receive/use the “goal explosion” with the robotic bunny-woman DJ, though.]
# Trading duplicate and/or unwanted prizes remains a challenge.
What adds to my annoyance is when teammates who fail to help you win a game decide to waste precious time by TYPING “TRade?” or “RTade wit me.” There are definite cases of dyslexia among those who play. Why would I want to trade with someone I can barely speak with (for numerous reasons) while in the middle of a game I am trying to win so I don’t lose rank? If you want to trade with me, first, offer friendship and try to get on my list; second, be sure I CAN trade; third, find out if I have any duplicates or unwanted items worth trading (I probably do not); and THEN we can consider a trade or two. But, don’t try talking trades in the middle of a game; I did not enter to have a fashion show.]
When you are playing with people who use computers or other gaming systems, there is, likely, a conflict of information exchange. There may be an inability to trade/transfer across “platforms.” [I have not confirmed this, yet.] So, if you don’t want to get “too technical,” enjoy what you can get and do not bother with trading. [However, if I could trade some duplicate crap…er, items for something like a goal explosion (I’ve been coveting), that’d be greeeeat (Office Space).]
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I suppose an FAQ webpage, somewhere, might provide answers to many newcomers (and those who struggle to learn no matter how long they have played), but who, “these days,” would read it? 🙂 People barely take the time to read legal statements, manuals and warranty information.
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In short, what you expect or hope to achieve or win is never guaranteed. Enjoy customizing the shiny toy guns…er, cars…and good teamwork, if you can establish it. Make real friends or quit before you waste too much of your precious time. That is, if you’re not so “baked” that you are still aware of time and space.
Why do I continue playing? Perhaps, an undying hope of connecting with players around the world and establishing some sort of valued friendship. It’s not likely the intended or main goal of most players (nor of the game’s makers), but that’s my SPIN on it. Without the friendships you COULD achieve (or should have to play with a solid team), the game is a futile chase of balls and other things among insulting, immoral and sometimes deeply troubled players who could round out a rogue’s gallery for Batman.
If you want my pick, I say learn how to flip (sideways, backwards and forwards), collect plenty of “boost” and go with the Dominus (until I discover a better model). The Octane, I’ve already insulted (above). The Merc has its charms when playing defense, as does the Road Hog and Marauder (all good for Ice Hockey but lousy in terms of speed). And, many of the other models you may “unlock” are colorful alternatives with no clear advantage. I’ve won a few that are so “short;” they can barely reach the ball in motion unless I drive directly forward/into the ball. They might as well be clown cars from Japan. The Dominus is fairly balanced, sufficiently heavy and looks slick in most of its “clothing;” you just need to adjust for its lack of height by honing jumping and flipping skills. [And, work on aim…oh, my horrible aim.]
Oh, who am I kidding? [I’m not being paid to write this.] Make REAL FRIENDS (even if you have to meet them online, first) and get outside, once in a while! Get fresh air and play real soccer…er, futbol…if it’s your thing. You can go shopping for stickers of flashy sportscars, some other rainy day, and fill a whole sticker book no one but you and fellow sticker collectors might appreciate.
