Posts Tagged ‘wood

28
Mar
17

Happy Birthday, Paige Spiranac

****

A belated wish for a happy birthday to the lovely Paige Spiranac who turned…  [I’ll be old-fashioned discreet about a woman’s age.  Though it is such a special year for her (hint).  And, I’m posting this two days late.]

One of the prettiest golfers and blondes I’ve ever seen and an astrological match that blows (or challenges) the mind.  I might just be slightly above or below par for the course.  But, she’s more dazzling than any eagle.  And, I wood be awed to meet the iron woman.

paige-spiranac-golfer-BDay-03261993-aries-rooster_2017-ap-2

 

19
Feb
15

Happy Year of the Wood Sheep, 2015/4713

Happy Chinese New Year

Be nice to your sheep, and they’ll be nice to EWE.  Love and peace abound if EWE nurture them.  This is a year to grow/feed your friendships, relationships and warm feelings all around.

chinesenewyear2015-woodsheep_postcard-ap-5PJ chinesenewyear2015-woodsheep_postcard-ap-7PJ

09
Feb
15

American Holiday Mash-Up 2015 Ahead; Getting You Ready

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a warm front of holidays blowing through (the U.S.A.) within a week’s time ahead. So, I’d like to take this time to send out the following wishes for happy celebration.

To those of you who still value love and romance, happy Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th).

To those of you who have a passion for patriotism and U.S. history, happy Presidents’ Day (Feb. 16th).

To those of you who are Catholic, happy Fat Tuesday (Feb. 17th) and Ash Wednesday (Feb. 18th). [For those who are less/not religious, happy Mardi Gras (Feb. 17th).]

To those of you who share a fascination with the Far East with me or who follow the Chinese lunar calendar, happy Chinese New Year (Feb. 19th), the year of the wood sheep.

And, to those of you who are romantic, patriotic, Catholic, Chinese enthusiasts, happy Valentine’s, Presidents’, Fat Tues’, Ash Wednes’, Chinese New Year’s Day. [Phew!]

holidaymashup2015-vals-pres-fatTues-ashWed-chineseNY_photogreetingcard-ap-22SJ holidaymashup2015-vals-pres-fatTues-ashWed-chineseNY_photogreetingcard-ap-33SJ
[If you need some help identifying the images in the enclosed artwork: 1) The big red thing in back is a heart for Valentine’s Day. 2) That’s Abraham Lincoln with the tall hat and George Washington behind him, the 16th and 1st U.S. presidents. 3) The powdery oblong object (doughnut) leaking raspberry jelly is a traditional (Polish/Catholic) treat. 4) That’s a thumb distributing ashes on people’s foreheads. 5) I would hope the last object on the right is obviously a sheep.]

14
Jul
14

You Need to Get Lathed!

Have I told you the intense thrill I get from working with wood? I’m not talking about some run-of-the-mill joy you get from completing that dusty spice rack or bookshelf for your friend or family member. This thrill goes deeper than any man’s “lower appendage” can reach in the deepest of “woman wells.”

Yes. That’s right. If you know anything of sexual intercourse, you know the language I am speaking. You also know some version of the feeling. But, if I am not using the infamous tool of innuendo, am I seriously comparing “hot sex” to carpentry?

I am. There’s just one problem. Well, there’s more than one. But, I’m only focusing on one at the moment because more would probably blow both our “computer laundered” minds. [You know, how some articles of clothing get shrunk in the wash. There ya go. You got it. Right?] If I am not careful, my crafting could result in the creation of a birdhouse. I know it might sound crazy, but it’s true. I put myself to work for the thrill of it, and, suddenly, I’m staring at a birdhouse. But, I don’t want this.

If you ask me, there are already way too many birdhouses out there in the world. Heck. Birds are quite capable themselves of making nests in all sorts of places. Why do we need more?

So, to prevent this, I must wear special protection. And, if I share my skills with any women in this world, it seems vital that they too use protection lest they end up with a birdhouse they cannot fully enjoy. Unfortunately, the female version risks the function of internal organs with the potential for side effects spanning a lifetime. Luckily, more women than men seem content with finding a place in their lives for my unwanted sparrow shacks. I guess the risk of their lives seems less threatening than the loss/destruction of a birdhouse.

Knowing that protection was created by someone no more capable of invention than myself, it’s flawed at best. And, when the flaw reveals itself, guess what? You got it. I’m staring at yet another unwanted, unintended pigeon poop coop. These things are eating up my resources, including living space, and they’re starting to get on my nerves. But, I can’t give up the pursuit of that singular thrill. Can I?

If you’re tuning out or thinking I’m some sex-starved fool, dude (or dudette), you need to get lathed. Or, in other words, go file, drill, wrench, plumb, jack, plunger, pump, punch and/or hammer yourself. All it takes is for the fire of trending to spark a revolution.

If you’re going to get your hands dirty, do it without affecting the lives of others or be prepared for a surplus (or shortage) of robin roosts. Give a hoot; don’t contribute to the plagues of all mankind. Labor responsibly.

[In all seriousness as an artist, I prefer to work with pencil/pen and paper or clay, myself. But, to each their own.]




Archives