Posts Tagged ‘usage

10
May
19

You Don’t Bring Me Pleasurrre…Anymorrre

***

This one goes out to all you tech heads running this space.

You don’t bring me commeeeents.
You don’t lead me to lasting friendshiiips.

You hardly show me anything helpfulll, anymorrre,
When I log in during the downsiiide of my solituuuude.

I remember when this was all fresh and new;
And, flashing signs promised so many pleasing options.
You used to welcome me with that little light.
Now, I’m lucky if it ever shines.

When it’s good for you, WordPress,
It still sucks for me.

Well, you just roll over;
Roll out your new format
And tell me to update my technology.
Because you don’t bring me pleasurrrre, anymorrrre.

It used to be so simple. [Used to be.]
But, nothing ever is.
Just like breathing in all of the pollution,
Your place is littered with lousy biiiz.

WordPress, I’d say I remember all the things you taught me,
But then, I learned them before yooou.

I learned how followers are often nothing but cons, mindless drones and thieves.
And, how LIKES mean next to nothiiing.

Well, I also learned how to limit my usage
And apply my time to better thiiings.

But, honestlyyy, what are better thiiings?

So, do you think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye?

Because you don’t lead me to lasting friendshiiip.

You don’t confirm my work has valuuue.

And you don’t really bring me pleasurrre…anymorrre.

[But, I’ll still be posting here until divine intervention points me to a better alternative…until the love runs out.]
lyrics by Alan Bergermeister and Nellie Emerald, sung by Barracuda Heartstrings

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28
Jul
14

The AMAZING Lies

 

 

And now, back to Late Night with Writingbolt!

Alright. Welcome back. My first guest tonight is a stellar performer known for his work in YADA and YADA. Here to discuss his latest epic about NADA which hits theaters this weekend. Please welcome…

 

 

Have you ever watched a “talk” or “entertainment”/”tabloid” show just to see some celebrity interview and hear what they have to say about their latest movie, TV show or theater project? And, have you ever counted the number of times their eyes go blank as the word “amazing” slips from their parched lips?

I once saw a theater trivia slide (those image stills you might see before the trailers and unrelated ads begin rolling across the screen) which mentioned the use of a certain word in “the business” to loosen lips before reciting lines. [I think it was rhubarb.] If I listen to my conspiracy theory inner voice, I’d presume “amazing” was code for something entirely different. And, maybe…just maybe…the varying inflection of actors’ voices indicates a change in the translation. Maybe a swift, shrill “amazing” means the host should move quickly to the next question. And, maybe, a lower, softer, drawn-out “amazing” means: “I’m still regretting submitting myself to this filthy money train and can’t wait til these interviews finally end and I can (insert your costly therapy of choice).” Surely, an “amazing” uttered with a cough and/or a scratch of the cheek means something negative is lurking under the actor’s or actress’ fingernails. In any case, it’s yet another load of televised crap that I am personally tired of witnessing.

[Of course, I could just stop watching like some people. But, how then would I learn what Gretta Somebody’s favorite flower is so I can buy stock in the plant before stalking my way to her back doorstep? I’m kidding. Or, AM I?!]

DID you enjoy working with that director who likes explosions in every one of his dumb films though they risk your very life in the pursuit of box office records? Or, are you still seeing stars from the flames and waiting for your ears to stop ringing?

Did you REALLY like every member of the cast you worked with? Or, did someone make your four months on and/or off set so miserable that you considered making a dangerous cocktail of sleeping pills and vodka? Maybe you’d like to get that weight off your chest before your therapist puts you on some dangerous medication or your arm no longer has room for one more rubber band.

Did you REALLY enjoy going on a strict diet and having your body put through a Play-Doh fun factory just to fit the shape the casting director/s wanted? Do you REALLY like risking your health by changing your appearance, including your weight/body mass, every time you take a new role? Or, would you rather play parts that take you as you are and spare the plastic surgery (though you may have to work on using different vocal tones and personalities that are not your own)? [In other words, you pretend to be someone else and wear a costume if necessary. And, casting directors either search farther than their noses for actors to fit the parts or cut those available some physical slack. But, you’re free to eat and drink whatever you please and skip the countless trips to the therapist and/or personal trainer squad.]

If you’re willing to hear my advice, anyone who feels the need to use the word “amazing” or any of its regret-masking cousins should turn to the one giving the interview and say, “I’m not going to answer that at this time.” Or, here’s a refreshing idea. Be honest.

But, I suppose, that’s too dangerous and difficult, considering nothing negative can be said without creating foul gossip/business. [Of course, bad news in your local area and current events around the world is an exception to this rule. You don’t see weather reporters putting “amazing” spins on severe storms destroying neighborhoods. Well, you might. But, that just means the reporter is really due for a vacation because he or she has been locked away in a room of computer monitors and radar equipment far too long.] Why waste the viewers’ time with fabricated information? And, why make those participating in the project wax over the truth in interview after interview after interview after…

You want people to tune in? Stop making ME tune out! Or, here’s a novel notion. Skip the discussion of the process, fill in the gaps with more relatable personal topics and then get right to the film clip.

19
Sep
13

Punny Chinese Astrology, Humorology

firesnake-woodrabbit_twinflames_RGwallpaperap2

 

 

Yesterday, while verbally scuffling with members of my family, puns involving Chinese astrology animal signs popped from our mouths. The one that stuck with me was this.

“Shut your mouse, no bunny asked you.”

[In regards to how a Rat year can sometimes bite off more than it can chew and irk a Rabbit.]

The response was amusing enough to send me pondering other possible and fitting combinations (if you generally know how these signs pair up or know of two people with certain signs and how they get along).

Another I came up with was for a Rabbit year with a Tiger year. I thought it might make a nice e-card or valentine.

“Let’s paws to compare notes before we stripe up something new.”

[‘Not quite as snappy. Some say a Tiger year and a Rabbit can click like yin and yang. Each takes different risks and sees things differently. Others say the two may bore each other (for whatever reason).]

Or, how about…

“I’m all ears when you growl my name, but sometimes you just roar me.”

[Including what I just said above about boring your partner, here the Rabbit likes when Tiger puts on the charm but is turned off when the latter is too loud or bold, usually making a scene.]

Can you think of any other clever pairings of Chinese animal signs? Share them here.

 

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26
Aug
13

WordPress Usage Observations, 8-25-2013

In the past month or more of reconnecting with this blog website, I have made some observations about the quality and quantity of people and/or activity. Here is my assessment.

90 percent of posts I viewed receive 0 comments but at least 1 to 5 LIKES.

[Now, that just sounds cold and impersonal. So many go around clipping posts like articles, photos or videos to use as they please. If your post is meant to be like a professional newspaper column and/or you don’t like/want comments, read my suggestion below. Likewise, if you don’t give a hoot about this trendy LIKE system and would prefer people respond on site, you can turn that off in editing the post mode, too.]

50 percent of comments I gave received fair to positive response.

[A fair amount of the good, social, polite and educated people of the world. These are the people that generally stun me with their manners and intimidated by their success/happiness in life. In a way, they are hope for the future.]

25 percent of comments I gave received negative and/or unrelated response.

[Granted, not all of my responses have been the nicest of words. And, I’ll gladly except responsibility for upsetting someone for a good reason. But, for the responses I get from names I don’t even know/see as IDs here who snarl and hiss like gargoyles or bridge TROLLS about going away under threat of fire and brimstone, where is this coming from?

Sometimes it’s a bipolar response. The first response is genuinely nice enough for me to respond a second time. But, the following response comes with a stick of TNT and a note which reads something like: “Today’s disapproval of your vile words is brought to you by the letters F and U.” How do people turn a 180 like that?

There’s nothing nicer than getting online to find mud and bird poop on your page. I say that with the finest of sarcasm. I’ll just go get my hose and scraping tool, now. Meanwhile, you who are so irked by public response and/or do not know how to politely respond, read my suggestion below about turning off comments.]

25 percent of comments I gave received no response.

[In general, these are people not interested in comments or comments from people outside their inner circle. Their blog was designated as a “family sharing page” so that all the people they know personally and professionally can gather in the center of their Whoville and sing carols to irk all the grinches in the outer reaches of the Whotherenet. They come without explanation. They come without visible designation. But, they come with firm reservation in the clique unknown to the outsider. It’s like talking to a TV set without realizing it’s just a TV.]

Here is one SUGGESTION for using the COMMENT feature to those who post here: If you’re not going to respond to comments given by the few daring readers (like myself) to say something and not simply tie a string to what wrote (hoping someone on another trendy website will give a damn about the person LIKEing what you posted while going through every other bit of daily updates and whatnot for all the many “friends” they’ve collected like trading cards, can’t you turn them off? I know some have found a way. Then you can be like a paper newspaper (columnist) and avoid any public response unless someone can email you or figure out where you live and throw something rotten at your door.

Lastly,
98 percent of the time I come to visit this place, I struggle logging into it, posting something new, getting to my comments and navigating in general. [Yet, if I want to log out, that takes no time, at all. That feature is always ready, willing and takes a fraction of the time.]

[Ever since I received my first negative comment from a total stranger with a strangely non-existent ID/source, I have had to go through a gauntlet just to log in. I feel like the uncool guy trying to get in the exclusive nightclub. And, when it comes to making a post, the darn SAVING POST button spends more time spinning its wheels than letting me do anything else. The tools don’t even appear sometimes until I refresh. ]

In summation, while the site appears to be of higher class than some–as with any reputation–appearances are deceiving.

This concludes this report on the status of WordPress from one writer’s perspective. We now return you to regular blogcasting already in progress.




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