Posts Tagged ‘tool

30
Dec
15

The Grinch That Stole the Other Empires

*****

A long, not too long time–somewhere between a year and the whole Y2K fad–ago…
In a home theater near you…

*****

lukesfather-vader-reveal-spoof_starwars_ap3J

Darth Vader: Luke! I…am your father!

Luke: No. Nooo. It’s not possible!

Darth Vader: Search your heart! You know it to be true!

Luke: No. You’re not telling me something. What is it? Why does this story start at chapter four?

[Taking off his helmet, Vader reveals creator George Lucas.]

George Lucas: Yes, son. Uh, I believe I could explain that. But, unfortunately, as I am too old now to relate to the increasingly younger target audience for just about everything, I’ve already sold you to another man-child.

[George removes his face, a rubber mask, to reveal J. J. Abrams, creator of LOST and the Star Trek movie “reboot.”]

J. J. Abrams: Hi, Luke. I’ll be speaking for George, now. Unfortunately, I cannot say too much without risking my life. You see. I took his baby under my wing while selling my soul to another company at the same time.

Luke: J. J. Abrams?! I lost five years of my life because of you! Bring George back!

J. J. Abrams: I would love to do that, uh, Luke. But, I am so afraid of making the slightest mistake to further upset the fans who nearly torched their collections after the “prequels” did so poorly. I am so afraid that I copied ninety percent of the original trilogy into the first film of my own in the series. So, I will have to turn my commentary over to the real boss of all this.

[J. J. removes his face, another rubber mask, to reveal Mickey Mouse, the iconic face of the Disney Empire which swallowed Lucas’ work and J. J. whole along with Jim Henson and Stan Lee (and their respective empires).]

Luke: No… No. Not you. You’re the worst of them all!!!

Mickey Mouse: Tough luck, kid. You’re mine now, b!t@h! Huh-huh!

[Luke chops off his own head in hopes of never being turned into a Goofy parody.]

[Jar Jar Binks pops into the scene only to annoy Mickey who doesn’t realize the similarity between one orange clutz and his long-time co-star, Goofy.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa taking over the physical comedy roles, now. Uck-yuck!

Mickey Mouse: Not if I have anything to say abou– Wait. Did you just say “Uck-yuck?”

THE END?

<<ALTERNATE ENDING>>

[Jar Jar Binks walks onto the scene in his usual clumsy fashion, greeting his boss, Mickey Mouse, aka Midas Minos.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa back, boss.

Mickey Mouse: Uuh…Huh-huh! Aren’t you forgetting something?

Jar Jar Binks: Oh. Meesa sorry. Ehem…Uck-yuck!

Mickey Mouse: That’s better!

[Mickey pulls a black cloak out of his sleeve and fits it over his head.]

Mickey Mouse: Welcome back, my beautiful spy. You’ve done well.
Of course, it was my brilliant design, naming you after the future director of a cash cow I have long sought to hold in the palm my rubber glove, giving you the subtle likeness of my pathetic half-brother, Goofy. How I hated when that Lucas project stole thunder from my theme parks, not to mention my movies. Now, it is all mine.

Where are the other horsemen of the monoplocalypse, your partners in crime? Where are Jeronimo Piventas, Ryander Reynosold and Sethos Rogenda?

[Mickey/Midas refers to other bounty hunters under his leadership who pose as actors you may know by other names: Jeremy Piven, Ryan Reynolds and Seth Rogen. These four “horsemen” have a reputation for destroying films.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa last saw them at Starbucks, passing along your plans for changing the name to Mickey’s Star Wars Coffee House.

Mickey Mouse: Excellent. Phase two of my plan is about to begin…three years from now in a theater near everyone! Uuh…Huh-huh! Uuh…Huh-huh-huh!

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14
Jul
14

Peter Parker Might Be the Poster Boy for Using Power with Responsibility…

…but even he can succumb to the temptation of ego.

 

 

A common theme in superhero movies these days is the “weaponizing”

of invention. Someone designs a suit of armor, a replacement body part

or an energy potion, and someone else strives to snatch every trace or

copy the blueprints to wage war on some group, company or nation

with new ammo/power. It’s not just fiction. That fiction came from the

same species capable of creating the madness and/or destruction. When

do we reign in our potential and use our power wisely?

 

 

We can do better.

14
Jul
14

If Humans are Dr. Frankenstein…

…The internet and all the gadgets wired to obey it’s every command are the latest monster.

14
Jul
14

Creation Is Like a Bowl of Cherries

The beauty and sweetness of the fruit lasts only so long before the rotting begins. With good intentions often–if not always–come(s) horrible misuse and/or abuse.

After going on some great trip or winning some contest, have you ever met someone who wanted you to share the rewards (photos, souvenirs, a sample/taste if food is involved, etc.) sooner than you felt comfortable/willing? You might tell them to wait or–if you have no qualms about your friends/family turning on you–deny them their desired share until you decide how much you want to give and when. Now, you have the “freedom” to put it all out there for all to see (including some you don’t want to see). You tell yourself this will relieve the pressure of nagging hands/eyes and keep those you care about connected. But, what is everyone you don’t personally know doing with the same bounty of information? While you think the farm is free, you don’t own the land. And, any fence you might put up is only as good as its designer. Only the designer can put up a fence no one else can bypass (until someone figures out how to do just that).

If I’ve learned one thing about life from my exposure to the age of the internet (and all of its minions), it’s that just about anything (or everything?) that starts out as a good thing gets abused/misused until tabloids and TV anchors can’t get enough bad news out to the masses. [Whether the bad news is genuine or just hype to stir paranoia in the interest of consumption…is always a good question.]

The second thing I’ve learned is that no story or truth is as valid and worth hearing as the one from the source itself. Anything else is likely tainted with suspicion and/or foul intent. Yet, it’s difficult to reach/hear/see the truth when there are so many riled voices clamoring at once.

And, before there ever was an internet, I learned advertised reputations and all of the lovely things people stamp on the backs of covers (for example) in favor of the creator(s) are often wrong.

But, let’s get back to the matter of misusing what is intended to be an improvement. It’s like indulging in some form of food or drink–which initially tastes good–and then vomiting the inevitably foul bi-product or result of such action. [If you’ve ever had a hangover or found yourself with your face in a toilet bowl after consuming more alcohol than your weak stomach could handle, you get the drift.] If word gets out, if something becomes a fad/trend, it seems there’s almost always a chance it will carry trouble in its wake.

So, while the internet gives seemingly boundless freedom and inspiration to the billions on this planet (those who have access, anyway) to create to their heart’s content with the hopes of becoming a wealthy star (pending management by some foreign agent who will gladly take a cut of the profits for sitting within some proximity of you), this is reckless action bound to benefit a greedy, manipulative few rather than satisfy and improve the world. The “farmers” just made it easier for the “crops” to come to them with less labor. And, in the process, the masses risk losing their health, wealth and dignity/privacy…basically, their freedom (of life as it is granted either naturally or by a higher power). The old ways of abusing power simply have found a new mask to wear.




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