Posts Tagged ‘Tay Swift

13
Sep
19

Tay Break: Reality Check Moment, 9-13-2019

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So, I find myself asking myself, once more, why do I do it?  Why have I done this?  Why have I and why do I continue to give so much time and energy to it?…especially if I get no desired response?  And, why do I bother doing it HERE…where it’s much quieter than other places I’ve been and heard about…why not put it out THERE?  So many questions.

What’s this about?  Oh, you know.  My obsession with the lovely Taylor Alison Swift.

[Okay, you can stop groaning in the back!  All right!  I know!  Too many posts about her.  ‘Got it.]

I’m just having one of those moments when I question my purpose, my drive and my sanity.   I’ve crossed the one-gig line.  I have more than 1 GB of Tay Swift art on my computer.  I don’t know how much space other artists give, on average to their obsessive projects.  But, that seems like quite a lot to me.  It’s uncharted territory and makes me feel like I’m on some Star Trek quest.

I have a BUTT-LOAD of new pictures to present here in the coming months…well, aiming for her special birthday.  [Though that creative sharing finger of mine is itching to put them/some up sooner than later.]

But, why am I doing this?  I am not sure…I mean, I know I am putting my feelings out here…but what good is it doing?  I haven’t heard anything.  Haven’t seen…well, that’s the funny/weird part.

You see….

I get this feeling like someone IS passing my thoughts and ideas onto HER.  Or, she and I are so in sync that we’re sharing the ideas.  Because I’ve seen a few little things that make me think it’s true.  I’ve seen a few videos that seem fairly convincing…though I can’t often find any clear message in the lyrics, and usually learn later that the song was supposedly about someone else in the spotlight, someone who grazes HER personal space like a cartoon villain.  Spotlight on the silhouette over there, before we reveal the mystery star of the song.  [Seriously, some sorta Pokémon slash Cutey Honey slash Sailor Moon slash Speed Racer action in play.]

But, beyond these preciously curious moments…I am in doubt of my usage of time and energy.  …Except for the benefit the effort has given me, which is practice with my latest digital art program.  In a small way, being one of my biggest muses, she has helped me practice my personal therapy, my art (even if I haven’t drawn anything by hand on paper in a while…which depresses me a bit).  [ I can’t seem to draw on paper, anymore, without more “heart” to fuel my creative muscles.  I just don’t feel like drawing for practice, which goes against the good artist code.]

I have another reason that I am questioning my obsessive creative effort, but…can you believe I am kinda afraid to say it?  [I touched on it in my first big letter to Tay (in my blog archives).]

Not knowing how to wrap this up, I’ll just silently bow or nod and step away.

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14
Aug
19

The Older Man at the Dating Carnival

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So, there I was, a middle-aged man at what is essentially a carnival, surrounded by families, couples and a zoological encyclopedia of younger women often traveling in small packs like wild gazelles.

I found myself longing and looking at the young gazelles…and then feeling completely out of sorts and out of place. Had I indulged my youthful thoughts, I’d later admonish myself for acting like some pedophile. I look around, trying to spot the older cheetahs, the cougars and elephants…and I can’t see anything other than mothers, wives and grandmas. I feel completely out of place with attachment to nothing other than the family I accompany, and even that is sketchy attachment, like a loose tooth waiting to pop out of a kid’s mouth. I am adrift in the sea of human connectivity. And, being so lost, I had almost no interest in being among the crowd.

Part of me wanted to blink my eyes and storm right back to the car or even hike all the way home. Part of me was lingering like a child insistant on getting a balloon or toy before he goes home. I came to sample new foods and help my nephews have fun and be safe. I could only manage the babysitting duty. The food (and mingling, if I had that nerve) just couldn’t fit itself into my abilities; the heat and crowding didn’t help.

Some day, you’ll find me in a National Geographic special on human nature and see the lone, hungry outsider who can’t seem to find a mate or make many decisions. He will be tortured by constant references to Taylor Swift (whose name kept popping up at said carnival as if the phone was ringing for me to take some kind of action I did not know).
[What am I to do, Tay? They’re playing your song. They’re naming pigs after you. They have your “swag” for sale. The days of Hannah Montana and the first wave of Spice Girls didn’t generate as much attention. Suddenly, you’re everywhere…and I feel like I am nowhere. I don’t want a Taylor Swift sundae or Cotton Cand-Tay. I want to *savor* the real thing.]

Sorry, readers, for bringing her into yet another blog post. But, it happened for a reason. Of that, I am certain. I’m just not sure why.




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