Posts Tagged ‘superheroes


Web of Weird, Costumed “Superheroes” Making Internet Madness

Where in the USA is this apparent cul-de-sac of costume collectors who buy every version of Spider-Man and Elsa on the rack and make countless online videos? What pocket of Silicon Valley hides these merchants of kiddy porn? It’s a web of weirdness.

I think I figured something out, though. The reason there are so many “Spider-Men” and Elsas in what appears to be a perpetually balmy state (no snow or autumn leaves in sight) is because those characters reside in colder climates. Spider-Man is a New York-born hero. I suspect these costumes are on clearance racks or dirt cheap on the west coast. [Just like NFL team merchandise for a southern team is cheaper way up north than it is in the home state.] Am I right?

And, what is the deal with all of these “surprise egg” videos that feature parents filming their spoiled kids unpacking an entire toy line in a single day? What value does any of this stuff have to these kids when they come to expect a shopping cart load every time Daddy or Mommy decides to dress them up and capture them on their “smartphone” or video camera? Or, are these just the kids of parents who work for toy companies, getting a dumpster full of freebies/samples?

Have I ranted about this, before?

My nephews often enough find themselves glued to these things. And, while I am all for costume parties with good taste, there is something a bit weird and…lazy?…about seeing grown people doing odd things in costume with special effects and props… I have one four-year old nephew who is already displaying a particular interest in older women, thanks to many a Spider-Girl and Elsa.

You like that, ladies? You like extremely younger men ogling you?

I was one, once. But, I only became infatuated once a week or month, if that. I didn’t have access to an endless supply of internet gratification (which, I would say, is not far off from those who obsessively watch porn).

My nephews can get Mommy’s phone-computer just about any time they want and look this stuff up. It’s so easy for them to do. Thanks, wireless convenience.

I suppose these videos might be made over a long period of time and are first coming to my attention. Maybe these people make one a year or one a month. Maybe they save up and work on the plot over a series of meetings between their “day jobs.”

Maybe I am a tad jealous I don’t have those special friends with which I could make similar videos. Then again, why be so juvenile or risk appearing freakish online for no gain other than some invisible “click” currency when I could be applying my talents and interest in costumes to bigger projects…liiike an actual feature film someone might buy a ticket to see?

Seeing my nephews scroll through and watch these repeatedly, I can’t help becoming agitated and wondering if there isn’t some special stretch of road in California where people get together in costume and do nothing but concoct weird plots to play out on the street and in their homes.

I picture an entire suburban L.A. block of homes shaded by palm trees and infested with people dressed as Spider-Man, Spider-Girl and Venom. On the next street, you might find Batman, the Joker and some kids in police uniforms with their Power Wheels vehicles in sight. And, somewhere in the middle, there’s a single apartment building where a few Elsas live, waiting to be summoned to star in one of these videos. [Who’d have thunk the most recent feature princess of sorts would become such a costume craze, almost a fetish.] When they’re not in costume, they’re wearing pajamas and living on bowl after bowl of Captain Crunch cereal. All of their furniture is either inherited or inflatable. The probably bathe in ball pits and brush their teeth with glittery Disney or Nickelodeon toothpaste.

And, breathe.

Okay, ‘got that out of my system. Moving on.


Valentines, wave III


Ay oh; like I got some more uh doz valentine thingies you might like.  Check ’em out.  Okayz?


First, a handful of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ones, featuring April O’Neil.  At least one is purely comical.


Then, a swarm of Spider-Woman (1979) valentines.  Two are designed for breakups/rejection, if anyone is in need of a negative/counter valentine.


A few variations on a Pokemon image.


And, lastly, more miscellaneous valentines.



She-Ra Polaroid, love achieved



Valentines, Wave Dos (Two)


Are ya ready for some more valentiiines?  A valentine partyyyy.  We get frank and audacious…to get the party started.  Come on over and look at all the puns and sights.  Cuz we got five more days to make those we love feel all right.  **Super Sunday Night Valentine Footsie**  [Ehem, or, whatever.]

Let’s start where I left off with more clothed hearts.


Next, more character hearts.


A few more silhouette-ish hearts.


And, the rest I’ll call a hodge podge.


Now, be good little cupids and give these to those who fit the descriptions.  [And, maybe just laugh at a few designed with my rare flares of humor.]


Peter Parker Might Be the Poster Boy for Using Power with Responsibility…

…but even he can succumb to the temptation of ego.



A common theme in superhero movies these days is the “weaponizing”

of invention. Someone designs a suit of armor, a replacement body part

or an energy potion, and someone else strives to snatch every trace or

copy the blueprints to wage war on some group, company or nation

with new ammo/power. It’s not just fiction. That fiction came from the

same species capable of creating the madness and/or destruction. When

do we reign in our potential and use our power wisely?



We can do better.


Drop “Kick-Ass”; Save Heroes and Actors

When your target audience has to be horny teenage “freaks” and potential pedaphiles, “Kick-Ass” is your movie.  A high school reject running around with an eleven year-old girl and her “big daddy” committing more murder than justice “just for the fun of it” to get revenge.  If that doesn’t spell “recipe for disaster”, then it would be the inclusion of Nicholas Cage, a red flag for a bad movie if I’ve ever seen one.  I should have known better going into this.  Sexual humor and extensive violence resembling “Watchmen”(which pooped on the concept of superheroes) combined with turning Batman into the Joker before burning him with his mistake.  However, this movie has potential for anyone writing an intelligent hero vs. homemade nemesis story with human hero characters.  It is unfortunate the creators of this film chose to use such intelligent material so poorly.


The story starts with Dave, a high school “loser”, narrating how his life parallels that of Marvel Comics nerd Peter Parker(including a resemblance to Tobey Maguire) with some slight differences.  Including foul-mouthed social skills and a rated PG-13 way of coping with his interest in boobs.  [Kleenex associates would be dabbing their tears with pride.  Not.]  His reputation paired with his sorry excuses for friends turns him to the life of a superhero.  With no powers and internet access, he is able to acquire the gear necessary to start a phone cam craze.  It also takes the breaking of every one of his bones and a Wolverine surgery to get him…somewhere.  And, what would such a Spider-Man rip-off story be without a crime boss who is being hounded by a real life Batman wannabe(down to the utility belt and bat-like cowl) and his tiny little daughter.  [Can we say copyright infringement?]  Throw in a redhead who thinks our “hero” is gay, and the cast is complete.  The mob boss has a son(cue “Mclovin” of “Superbad” de-fame) who eagerly wants in on daddy’s business.  And, when he is done going through the steps to get there, he is left with the business soley in his hands and ready to start a life as a “super villain”.  [That’s right.  I have fairly well outlined the entire story.]


If I haven’t peppered this movie with enough “bullets”, I would like to reassure you that despite the impressive action sequences and thought-provoking moments which all good hero movies demand, there is enough stupidity and disturbing material to give any moral, sensible hero fan a headache.  The message of the film seems to be making anyone who ever thinks of being a superhero or reading a comic book about one feel stupid and like a freak.  And, then it encourages such stupidity and “freakdom” while pooping on the concept of a superhero.  “Big Daddy” is everything Batman isn’t.  And, though that is original in a way, it’s just another sad Night Owl.  Though one might think it possible and try these stunts themselves, the movie makes it clear that you would still need unreal circumstances(surgery, millions in stolen money or an army of hitmen and/or heavy artillery) to achieve anything other than dying a miserable death. 


Some might call it a Public Service Announcement to “not try this at home”.  Some might call it “f’n stupid funny”.  I prefer to call it perverse and reasonably stupid.  But, again, there is potential and bits that make for a good story.  I just don’t want to see them handled by a pre-teen and a madman bent on revenge over a simple framing case.  And, if the cast of this film is not sentenced to a lousy death in acting, they sure have given their careers a big bruise.  [Save Mclovin.]


While I try to shake the red mist that is blood from my mind, I will give “Kick-Ass”(rightfully rated R at a potentially ridiculous 2 hours in length) 2 stars out of 5(1.5 out of 4).  At best, I’d recommend it as a rental.  That way you may fast foward past the parts that bother you and try to grasp some of the more intelligent hero movie elements which often go missing or fail to be delivered with the proper filming.  I would hate for films like this to make matters worse for comic book fans and turn more people into “monsters”.


–writingbolt, free-lance and human movie critic without commercial bias
[There were no intelligent quotes that weren’t ripped from another story.  Unfortunately.]