Posts Tagged ‘show

07
Sep
16

My *Questionable* Pleasure (TV Show)

*****

Occasionally, I hear people on TV talk about their “guilty pleasures.”  I don’t like the word “guilty.”  Nor do I know what sort of guilt I should feel for watching a particular “reality TV” show which is both creative and humiliating, innovative and exploitative…  It’s a dirty trick on the mind.  It teases you with colorful images and fun games while abusing the participants who we are drugged to believe are willing players in a simple game.  [But, it’s not a simple game.  We are just duped like an audience at a Roman coliseum to root for either the lions or the gladiators.]

I am talking about CBS’ Big Brother.  I watch the show for a few reasons.  I tell myself it’s because I enjoy some of the competitions they invent, including the props.  I like looking at the interior decorating.  It definitely is a fun house design.  And then, there is the “beauty contest.”

Just about every year since its conception, I get roped into watching most of it.  Every time, I go through the same motions.  There is usually one pretty face I favor and root for throughout (unless she turns out to be a psycho bitch).  And, there are way too many annoying examples of southern-state, post-college-age delinquents who whine and whisper excessively in a desperate plotting way that just grinds the gears.  [I could easily skip over ninety percent of each show just to get to the good stuff which mainly consists of what are called “competitions” or “comps.”]

Last year, my heart went out to this crazy blonde gal.

bigbro17_heart-meg-1

There were two other contenders who lacked height but had their “perks.”  Shelli was the perfect blend of beauty and brains and had a good chance of winning.  Jackie…was just Jackie; plenty of assets, but my gut told me (as it usually does) not to fall too quickly for someone so “flashy.”

And, that verges into what I consider the shallow, exploitative side of the show which surely dives into some contractual pool any sane soul would not likely want to share with the media sharks.  [But, we the viewers don’t really see any of that; do we?  We just get the scandalous pictures.]

Anyway…

This year, these two exceptionally GORGEOUS young women stopped my heart.  Both suffered the same fate and are very close in age.  Both didn’t display exceptional brains or strength but sure have plenty of beauty.

bb18_heart-bridgette-dunning_850x700-1

A “traveling nurse.”  [Someone explain that job to me, please.]  Her radiant smile and lively hair just wash away any doubts you may have about her.

bb18_heart-zekiyah-everette_591x691-1

A “preschool teacher.”  Her eyes and lips are both comforting pillows and boxing gloves.  Her long, luxurious hair (hopefully all-natural) is the towel that fans you after losing a fight.

Both masters of expression appear like graceful pixies from some enchanted garden who dance over flowerbeds.  Neither is the easiest to catch, but their sweet voices call to you like the ocean.

My heart aches from confusion.  Part of me wants to jump through the TV screen and save the beaut–join the game.  Every year, I leave (watching) the show disappointed.  I should hate such exploitation.  An activist mind like Bridgette’s (a “feminist”) should probably not find interest in the whole mess, either.  But, she auditioned for it.  And, I am utterly smitten with her.  [I was smitten with Julie Chen, the US host, from year one!]

juliechen-bigbrother-cbs_greetaudience-animated-2

All I can do is let it wash out of my system like the tide taking part of the beach away every summer.

 

And, in case you are thinking I should get or have permission to use these images, I’ll just let Bridgette explain.

bb18_bridgette_dunning_cozyhat-goaheadshesays-animated-4

“Go ahead,” says Bridgette.

[She is just absolutely lovable.]

Well, there you have it.

 

30
Oct
15

I’m Dating Amy Schumer?

*****
So, I woke up one morning and popped online to check my Farsebook page.  And, I saw all these messages questioning my DATING status. As I scrolled through the mess to see what was the cause of all this (because, as far as I know, I haven’t been on a date in…). My blurry eyes sure cleared up when I saw those golden words:

I AM DATING AMY SCHUMER.

amyschumer-lovelyblackdress-sitting-mini-1

How did that get there?

Bshocked_internetscreened-sample1Blaughing_internetscreened-sample1Now, some of you might say she does nothing for you. You have golden private parts, and I respect that. But, at five foot seven with that perfect shade of pale golden hair, she’s that sort of cuddly hotness that makes you want a s’more on a cold night or a bag of marshmallows (which I don’t normally crave, at all). She’s just a cuddly marshmallow of a woman with a great sense of humor/wit. I want to paw her all night and wake up with her under my head just so I can wake up and peel her off of me in the morning. That’s the kind of hot Amy is.

It’s no wonder we’d hit it off. But, I had to figure out how we started dating. It must be a drunken blur. I mean, she must have gotten me so drunk I forgot how we met.

[If you’ve seen her SNL monologue. You know where I am going with this.]

Our relationship hasn’t exactly been a smooth one. She’s a Gemini rooster, I’m a Sagittarius rabbit. I guess you could say I have a love-hate relationship with her. She’s often on the road. And, I, well, I don’t get out much. So, I find out she’s drinking all the time and seeing other guys. Obviously, that’s taken its toll. It’s hard to cut her loose because she’s just so deliciously “huggable.”  And, that face; she can win you over with a look. You know that puppy dog look some people talk about. She does that! And, you just want to grab her fwubby wubbly cheeks and say, “Ihs owky, my wittle cuddlecake! I fowgive you!”

Well, I finally got tired of forgiving the drinking and one-night stands. I let her have it with both barrels only to feel rotten the next morning for sleeping with her one more night after she just told me about the last sleaze she slept with because she chronically suffers from low self-esteem. Oh, she hides it well, but she’s not yet comfortable in her body.

Long story short, after a bad breakup, I get a call saying she will be in town close to my birthday. She didn’t exactly say she wanted to see me, but from the photo she sent soon after I got the message, I figure that’s where this is headed. I look forward to amazing make-up sex. But, only after she joins me for a night by the campfire and indulges all the other whims I’ve only been able to share with her via Skype. [Yes. We’ve done the long-distance relationship thing, too. And, it sucks.] Which probably means the sex won’t happen. But, a guy can dream.

———

In all honesty, I was watching one of the late night talk shows when I first saw her and didn’t think much until she started to speak. She was so refreshingly charming and witty that I fell instantly in love. But then, I saw the promotional materials for that recent movie of hers and felt a chill sweep through my heart.  It was cold, casual and more sexually liberated than the Amy I had seen prior.  She was part of an old school bunch I had left behind.  When I saw SNL and heard her say she was dating Bradley Cooper, my heart clenched a little. But, taking a few breaths, I decided they were good for each other. And, the next day, I learned my humor radar was off; she was just joking. A few weeks later, here I am finding an announcement of her coming to my town near my birthday, and the rest is written history.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhu7rs3Ihas




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