Posts Tagged ‘sale

24
Nov
16

The Future of Black Friday?

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Imagine if you will…

The future of Black Friday in a world of internet shopping…

Just wait. It could all turn around. But, instead of people fighting in the stores, they’ll fume and fight over internet/web site crashes. They’ll keep the foreign hotline operators busy with complaints about internet service. The operators will offer them fake sympathy and minor discounts to keep them plugged in yet mildly happier.

After all, do you think families will get any closer the more they push fast computerized everything from radio speakers to watches?

No.  This is like driving cattle.  Retail and outlet stores drove people for decades to chase their sales.  Now, as so many stores give up and move resources online, the stampede route shifts in a slightly different direction (until the next big movement in sales appears on the horizon…if there is a horizon left).

Maybe someday, all the lonely people of the world will surround themselves with AI families, their phone, clock, TV, etc. It will be like Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, except all the characters will be digitized voices and flashing lights.

Amazon.com is putting all of your shopping money into dominating Mars and consuming the global economy. But, go ahead and feed the beast, a beast not unlike Wal-Mart type stores trying to house everything and run all hours of the day. Soon, Wal-Mart will create its own extinction event, and online empires like Amazon will stand out like skyscrapers…skyscrapers no one will see because all they know are numbers, words, video clips and flashing icons on digital screens.  Unless people get wise to some kind of reading/writing and math Apps, I fear even being able to read a label or balance a bank account could become a challenge.

I think Black Friday can be a fun time for a small family/group if they keep a positive attitude and camp together. But, more often, bargain hunters turn around to make a profit off their “hot items” or get really cruel and competitive about the hunt as if their life will be empty without the sale item. If you’re not on your A game, you tend to feel like a squirrel in rush hour traffic. If you’re not with a happy group that doesn’t care if they get every sale item or any sale item and just enjoys shopping together…don’t go.

—–

[I was just inspired to write more about Black Friday, the USA way to spoil a family holiday with thoughts of bargain hunting amid mad crowds of careless people who will trample each other and suffer buyer’s remorse, later.  ‘Amazing what glancing over blog posts will do.]

 

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06
Jan
16

The Return of Originality

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A short time ago in this very galaxy, not far away, at all…

LEGACY WARS: The Return of Originality

 

lucas-kenobi-guidanceagainstdisneyempire_4-panel-spoof-starwars_ap4FJ

*****

Setting: It is high noon in the Tootoosoon Desert where we can see two suns in the sky. One red and one yellow.

A lone figure, Lank Fastwalker, trudges through the sand that once was fertile creative territory. Starved for teamwork and original thinkers like himself, he wanders in search of new direction. Seeing his beloved childhood turn dark, all that he believes in sullied and all of his favorite talents joining the dark side otherwise known as the Disney Empire, the flame that keeps him alive nears the end of its wick.

Fastwalker: That’s it. There’s nothing left. With remakes in every direction, why take another step? I might as well lay here and die with my withering creativity.

Then a voice calls out to him from the sky.

Casaba: Lank… Lank… Do not give up, Lank… I need you… The world needs you…

Puffy white clouds begin to take shape. At first, Fastwalker thinks the heat is getting to him. Then he sees a familiar face. It is Georgi Lu Casaba, the fire that lit Star Wars, a six-part story cut down to its second half, rejoined with the first half and then put into a blender before being called chapter seven.

[Fastwalker has mixed feelings about this guy. Though Casaba has created a rich source of inspiration for philosophy and costume design, Fastwalker blames him for the use of whiny protagonists who save the day too easily, greedy toy dealers and the insanity that is impulse shopping. Not as mad as other fans over the “prequels,” Fastwalker blew his top when Casaba sold his legacy to the Disney Empire.]

Georgi Lu Casaba expresses regret for making a bad sale.

Casaba: Though the Disney Empire had assured me of a luxurious retirement, including Kennedy Center honors, I did not know there were “white slavers” in the ranks, enlisting poor souls under insane rules, depriving them of individuality, threatening them for any breach of secrecy or less-than-enthusiastic answer when asked about their masters. I beg of you. Start a rebellion. Take back what was wrongfully placed in greedy, merchandise-mad hands that will not rest until the planet is nothing but landfills and abandoned Wal-Mart stores. Turn the archives over to trustworthy souls who will preserve them. And, if necessary, use force, Lank. Use physical force to break down the walls of Disney oppression. Put an end to their profits from the mutation of monopolized talents. And, spread the wealth.

The suns have nearly set before Fastwalker sees the light.

Fastwalker: You know. You’re quite the windbag when I’m sitting here, dying of thirst. I will need a handful of trustworthy allies, a fast ship and a big slice of your retirement fund to undo the damage. But, together, we will restore balance to this world, reduce pollution and brighten lives for generations to come.

With a plan in motion, Fastwalker bestows this wisdom upon the theater audience before the end credits roll: Be excellent to each other. And, is it too much to ask you to deposit your own garbage in the provided trash bins when you leave the theater? I know there is a cleaning crew. But, we wouldn’t need one if you didn’t pay ridiculous prices for unhealthy, unnecessary snacks.

After the end credits, Jar Jar Binks makes a cameo appearance only to learn his future will be cut short. A bounty has been placed on his head for his resemblance to General Goofy of the First Order (aka the Disney Empire).

jarjarbinks-title-blurb_spoof-starwars_ap2BJ

30
Dec
15

The Grinch That Stole the Other Empires

*****

A long, not too long time–somewhere between a year and the whole Y2K fad–ago…
In a home theater near you…

*****

lukesfather-vader-reveal-spoof_starwars_ap3J

Darth Vader: Luke! I…am your father!

Luke: No. Nooo. It’s not possible!

Darth Vader: Search your heart! You know it to be true!

Luke: No. You’re not telling me something. What is it? Why does this story start at chapter four?

[Taking off his helmet, Vader reveals creator George Lucas.]

George Lucas: Yes, son. Uh, I believe I could explain that. But, unfortunately, as I am too old now to relate to the increasingly younger target audience for just about everything, I’ve already sold you to another man-child.

[George removes his face, a rubber mask, to reveal J. J. Abrams, creator of LOST and the Star Trek movie “reboot.”]

J. J. Abrams: Hi, Luke. I’ll be speaking for George, now. Unfortunately, I cannot say too much without risking my life. You see. I took his baby under my wing while selling my soul to another company at the same time.

Luke: J. J. Abrams?! I lost five years of my life because of you! Bring George back!

J. J. Abrams: I would love to do that, uh, Luke. But, I am so afraid of making the slightest mistake to further upset the fans who nearly torched their collections after the “prequels” did so poorly. I am so afraid that I copied ninety percent of the original trilogy into the first film of my own in the series. So, I will have to turn my commentary over to the real boss of all this.

[J. J. removes his face, another rubber mask, to reveal Mickey Mouse, the iconic face of the Disney Empire which swallowed Lucas’ work and J. J. whole along with Jim Henson and Stan Lee (and their respective empires).]

Luke: No… No. Not you. You’re the worst of them all!!!

Mickey Mouse: Tough luck, kid. You’re mine now, b!t@h! Huh-huh!

[Luke chops off his own head in hopes of never being turned into a Goofy parody.]

[Jar Jar Binks pops into the scene only to annoy Mickey who doesn’t realize the similarity between one orange clutz and his long-time co-star, Goofy.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa taking over the physical comedy roles, now. Uck-yuck!

Mickey Mouse: Not if I have anything to say abou– Wait. Did you just say “Uck-yuck?”

THE END?

<<ALTERNATE ENDING>>

[Jar Jar Binks walks onto the scene in his usual clumsy fashion, greeting his boss, Mickey Mouse, aka Midas Minos.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa back, boss.

Mickey Mouse: Uuh…Huh-huh! Aren’t you forgetting something?

Jar Jar Binks: Oh. Meesa sorry. Ehem…Uck-yuck!

Mickey Mouse: That’s better!

[Mickey pulls a black cloak out of his sleeve and fits it over his head.]

Mickey Mouse: Welcome back, my beautiful spy. You’ve done well.
Of course, it was my brilliant design, naming you after the future director of a cash cow I have long sought to hold in the palm my rubber glove, giving you the subtle likeness of my pathetic half-brother, Goofy. How I hated when that Lucas project stole thunder from my theme parks, not to mention my movies. Now, it is all mine.

Where are the other horsemen of the monoplocalypse, your partners in crime? Where are Jeronimo Piventas, Ryander Reynosold and Sethos Rogenda?

[Mickey/Midas refers to other bounty hunters under his leadership who pose as actors you may know by other names: Jeremy Piven, Ryan Reynolds and Seth Rogen. These four “horsemen” have a reputation for destroying films.]

Jar Jar Binks: Meesa last saw them at Starbucks, passing along your plans for changing the name to Mickey’s Star Wars Coffee House.

Mickey Mouse: Excellent. Phase two of my plan is about to begin…three years from now in a theater near everyone! Uuh…Huh-huh! Uuh…Huh-huh-huh!

06
Jan
15

Profound Thoughts: Am I Pimping My Fantasies?

And now, it’s time for another addition of Profound Thoughts with Writingbolt…

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I find myself writing similar stories…
About guys like me at different ages…
And the girls/women with whom I dream about sharing intimate moments…

But, as I ponder the possibility of being published…
I wonder…
If I put my fantasies up for sale…
Am I a pimp making money off my “ladies?”

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14
Jul
14

Whatever god created sexual intercourse…

…probably didn’t intend on it being bought and sold like chicken feed.

 

 

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