Posts Tagged ‘response

06
Feb
17

My Response to “Teen in Ogden, Utah” (Dear Abby)

*****

You can find my response to this and other letters, now available for your viewing and opinion, on the designated page

But, while you’re here, have a read.

“Teen” is fifteen years old and entering a Crusade, a religion-fueled war, with his divided parents. How the parents even managed to get married and have a kid is a mystery, considering one believes in God and the other sounds like an atheist. What is not a mystery is why “Teen” is distancing himself from the parents and feeling uncomfortable when church-related topics arise.

I might have left this one alone had I not been bothered by Abby’s last “sage advice” from a “wise clergyman.”

———

The opposite of faith is certainty? What is that supposed to mean, Abby? And, what do you expect this young man to do with that? I’d expect him to emulate his father. I do not think such “wise” words would inspire him to remain true to any religion/faith.

“Teen,” there is only one thing I am certain of: you will learn a great deal about how impulses of your parents dwell inside you in the coming years if not decades. And, you will do battle with those facets until you can rest assured in your choices. Knowing this, you can either accept the stress you feel as part of the life you’ve been given or seek out activities and groups that relieve this stress. Hopefully, ones that don’t involve “recreational drugs” and/or violence other than martial arts practice. A club or class/group that eases your mind will be far less costly than a therapist and could result in making some valuable connections.

If I may ask a few questions…

Exactly how does your belief in God vary so greatly from your mother’s that there is this problem? And, why does it seem like your non-believing father has no interest in involving himself in this struggle of yours? I picture him hiding his face behind a newspaper or cellphone while your mother “encourages” you to participate in a religious community. Apparently, you have no concern for hurting HIS feelings because he has offered none; he simply lets you do what you like until it affects his wallet or some other non-religious aspect of his life. [Or, is it possible your parents are on the verge of divorce and you simply opt to support your mother while opposing your father? Is it possible your mother married your father with aspirations of changing his ways and making him a part of her chosen faith?]

I may be off-base. But, I hear these other voices in response to your comments.

You say: It’s really uncomfortable when people ask why I haven’t been in church.
I hear/think: Church bothers me because it’s too formal. [Or maybe] Church bothers me because I’m asked to give money. [Or] Church bothers me because it interferes with my free/fun time. [Or] Church bothers me because my parents don’t go there together; it does not hold us together as a family.

You say: Mom signs me up for church activities, and I don’t like going.
I hear/think: I struggle with socializing/participating. [Or] I’m anti-social. [Or] I suffer from social anxiety.

Abby suggests telling your mother how much you love her and hope she will continue loving you as you explore your life/religious options. I would guess none of that sounds easy or comfortable for you. Am I right?

If I was you, I’d have a hard time saying I love my mother, too. At your age, I was entering a similar battle and just starting to distance myself from my parents who seemed unable to respect my decisions and even my personal space. Pressure to change one’s ways or attend certain activities could be a sign of lacking trust in you to make your own decisions and come to your parents for advice when you need it.

I cannot tell you which faith is right or wrong. But, if you can better understand or see what motivates the feelings you have, you can answer your own questions. If your mother is so bent on getting you involved in the activities of her church community, hurting her feelings may be inevitable. Yet, if her faith and love for you is strong, she will recover from the bruises. [Just don’t cut ties with her completely unless that is what you truly want. What you want today may differ from what you decide to have in your life years from now.]

06
Feb
17

My Response to “Lip Locked in L.A.” (Dear Abby)

*****

You can find my response to this and other letters, now available for your viewing and opinion, on the designated page

But, while you’re here, have a read.

Lip Locked is questioning his girlfriend’s obsession with pinning him against walls before kissing him. Abby’s advice is sound. Yet, I would like to throw in my own theory and choice of words.

———–

Do you really have to ask, Lip Locked? Quite simply, your girlfriend may be revealing a fetish. [One I find strangely appealing though it could lose its charm over time.] Like Abby said, she probably saw enough movies or TV shows in which people did this; and she is now projecting the suggested level of intense feeling upon you.

Another possibility is that she has been treated this way by a past boyfriend (if she had one or family member if she didn’t) and is silently asking you to indulge the “itch” to repeat history. [Didn’t think to suggest that one; did ya, Abby?] It may be a sign of her still harboring old feelings and not being ready to try something entirely new. It may be the only experience she had that wasn’t entirely unpleasant and thus became her reflex “move” in intimate moments.

I am inclined to say you DO NOT entirely enjoy this habit. Or, at least, it happens more often than you care to experience. Would you say she is a “one-trick pony” and that you wish she would change things up now and then? If so, identify which of the following types of relationships matches yours.

A) Aggressive/Dominating female and submissive male.

B) Aggressive/Dominating male and submissive female.

C) Equally aggressive/submissive and/or experimenting partners.

I am doubting you two fit Type B. Correct?

If you are okay with her being the dominant one yet are not entirely content with this obsessive kissing behavior, politely suggest alternatives or entice her to think of some herself. Try catching her off-guard with a pinch to the ribs or tickle her when she approaches and see how that affects her. Or, place yourself away from any walls; maybe play the sleeping lamb on a bed or grassy slope.

If you two are equally aggressive/submissive, it means you have a reasonable amount of harmony and are open to experimenting. It should be easy to address the situation, find out why she does this and explore alternatives. [In which case, you writing this short letter would merely be an interest in getting someone to offer a high five of support for finding such a passionate/quirky mate.] Suggest kissing in the rain or through a thin barrier like a napkin or sheet of plastic.

If none of the above makes sense, this need to ask could mean you just aren’t as passionate about her as she appears to be about you. Or, her passion is artificial, and your “spider sense” is detecting the falsehood. A difference in “libido” could grow into a bigger problem if not discussed openly.

One last suggestion: Look into astrology. See how your Venus and Mars signs match up. [IE Your Venus is a fire sign while her Mars sign is a watery one; this could be bad. But, if her Venus is an air sign, and your Mars sign is a fiery one, there’s hope.] If there is conflict, consider the possibility this relationship is only warm on the surface. And, if it falls into the “friend zone,” either accept having a friend who pushed too hard too soon or understand that continuing to interact may hinder emotional growth and/or moving on with better partners.

 

 

24
Jan
17

My Response to “Full of Feeling in Arizona” (Dear Abby)

****

Now available for your viewing and opinion on the designated page

A married woman wishes her husband of 30+ years was more emotional, particularly when someone dies.  Dear Abby gave her a quick, chilling slap to the face.  I gave her a novella’s worth of options to consider.

24
Jan
17

My Response to “Some Good Times” (Dear Abby)

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Now available for your viewing and opinion on the designated page

A high school freshman has lost touch with her longtime female friend.  Their parents remain close, but one religious girl feels she is on the verge of cutting ties because the other has become a cussing and condescending monster.  Dear Abby told her to talk with her parents and accept the possible change or loss of the friendship.  I give an alternate solution.

08
Dec
16

My Response to “Fantasizing in New York” (Dear Abby)

****

Now available for your viewing and opinion on the designated page

A married woman claims to be bisexual while in her second marriage to a man.  [Her first marriage was to a woman.  I presume she married both rather quickly and recently unless she married the woman outside of the US or “on the down low.”]  She wants to pretend her husband is another woman during sex.  He is decidedly heterosexual and monogamous with next to no tolerance for her alternative notions.  I have a fairly strong response to this which contradicts the professional advice she was given.

24
Nov
14

Meaningless Followers, Artificial Beauty

Just a quick “alert” to all the pretty (and handsome) “faces” who seem to be “attracted” to my postings from the simple inclusion of a key tag word.  It seems–if I throw in a “tag” for some topic/genre on one of my posts, I will find attractive strangers “following” my activity here.  But, if I “tap the glass” (or look behind that pretty poster), I won’t find anything other than some advertising satellite picking up a blip on its radar and maybe keeping a shady eye on my breathing.

Just because I write about food, hair, drugs or money doesn’t mean I am a regular representative of that topic/item.  So, why does one post deserve followers who are chefs, hair stylists, drug dealers/pharmacists or money…handlers?  And, if it’s worth following, why not say why or introduce yourself…and why you wish to follow?  Even if you “don’t have time” for comments NOW, you should be able to make time.  Right?  You did make time to ferret around and click buttons here, didn’t you?  Or, is this just some subway system for Nook-heads and Pad-i-wants?  [That last one was a tiny Star Wars joke.]

I recall one such pretty face I found “following” me not so long ago.  I wrote a random post about hair, asking for advice/input.  I don’t think I received much.  She seemed genuine enough from her profile.  So, I sent her a message which received no response.  But, I did get some junk mail, later.  I have no idea if the two incidents are related, but with all that can happen online, who knows.  All I do know is the pretty face was worth less than a postage stamp to me.  It’s like being handed a picture of food.  I can’t eat that.  And, a face that isn’t responding or expressing more info about their interest in your work/output/appearance is…well, it might be me when intimidated in the face of beauty.  But, in most of these cases with “faces” I find online, it’s usually trouble.

So, thanks, artificial faces and silent stalkers for adding to my discomfort in this life.  There’s a special place in cyber Hades for you.

And, for the rest of you who might be real people reading this, don’t hesitate to express your interest instead of just clicking a LIKE or FOLLOW button.  Your comment/input is valued by me.  Your silence and eyes are worth more to yourselves.

 

26
Aug
13

WordPress Usage Observations, 8-25-2013

In the past month or more of reconnecting with this blog website, I have made some observations about the quality and quantity of people and/or activity. Here is my assessment.

90 percent of posts I viewed receive 0 comments but at least 1 to 5 LIKES.

[Now, that just sounds cold and impersonal. So many go around clipping posts like articles, photos or videos to use as they please. If your post is meant to be like a professional newspaper column and/or you don’t like/want comments, read my suggestion below. Likewise, if you don’t give a hoot about this trendy LIKE system and would prefer people respond on site, you can turn that off in editing the post mode, too.]

50 percent of comments I gave received fair to positive response.

[A fair amount of the good, social, polite and educated people of the world. These are the people that generally stun me with their manners and intimidated by their success/happiness in life. In a way, they are hope for the future.]

25 percent of comments I gave received negative and/or unrelated response.

[Granted, not all of my responses have been the nicest of words. And, I’ll gladly except responsibility for upsetting someone for a good reason. But, for the responses I get from names I don’t even know/see as IDs here who snarl and hiss like gargoyles or bridge TROLLS about going away under threat of fire and brimstone, where is this coming from?

Sometimes it’s a bipolar response. The first response is genuinely nice enough for me to respond a second time. But, the following response comes with a stick of TNT and a note which reads something like: “Today’s disapproval of your vile words is brought to you by the letters F and U.” How do people turn a 180 like that?

There’s nothing nicer than getting online to find mud and bird poop on your page. I say that with the finest of sarcasm. I’ll just go get my hose and scraping tool, now. Meanwhile, you who are so irked by public response and/or do not know how to politely respond, read my suggestion below about turning off comments.]

25 percent of comments I gave received no response.

[In general, these are people not interested in comments or comments from people outside their inner circle. Their blog was designated as a “family sharing page” so that all the people they know personally and professionally can gather in the center of their Whoville and sing carols to irk all the grinches in the outer reaches of the Whotherenet. They come without explanation. They come without visible designation. But, they come with firm reservation in the clique unknown to the outsider. It’s like talking to a TV set without realizing it’s just a TV.]

Here is one SUGGESTION for using the COMMENT feature to those who post here: If you’re not going to respond to comments given by the few daring readers (like myself) to say something and not simply tie a string to what wrote (hoping someone on another trendy website will give a damn about the person LIKEing what you posted while going through every other bit of daily updates and whatnot for all the many “friends” they’ve collected like trading cards, can’t you turn them off? I know some have found a way. Then you can be like a paper newspaper (columnist) and avoid any public response unless someone can email you or figure out where you live and throw something rotten at your door.

Lastly,
98 percent of the time I come to visit this place, I struggle logging into it, posting something new, getting to my comments and navigating in general. [Yet, if I want to log out, that takes no time, at all. That feature is always ready, willing and takes a fraction of the time.]

[Ever since I received my first negative comment from a total stranger with a strangely non-existent ID/source, I have had to go through a gauntlet just to log in. I feel like the uncool guy trying to get in the exclusive nightclub. And, when it comes to making a post, the darn SAVING POST button spends more time spinning its wheels than letting me do anything else. The tools don’t even appear sometimes until I refresh. ]

In summation, while the site appears to be of higher class than some–as with any reputation–appearances are deceiving.

This concludes this report on the status of WordPress from one writer’s perspective. We now return you to regular blogcasting already in progress.




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