Posts Tagged ‘relationship

18
Apr
19

Dear, Dear Tay (Taylor Alison Swift)… I have something personal to say, again

*****

Otherwise titled:  Tay Fever Strikes, Again…Digital Art Explosion, April ’19, Stage 5, Critical Mass

Tay?  If you’re out there…  I’ve been thinking about you, again.  You don’t know me, yet.  And, if deja vu means anything, you may miss your chance if I don’t take every chance I can get.  I’m a tragically timid, relatively paranoid, creative soul seeking purpose and partnership.  In some ways, I feel you and I are like two wheels meant to work together in some big clock that will revolutionize the world (in a good way, just to be clear, considering all the madness happening in recent years). 

I suppose I’m better off exposing myself (not THAT way, sheesh) in some video like that kid who wanted you to be his date to Prom.  [The thought would have crossed my mind, too, some years ago.  But, I didn’t even know you back then.  And, thinking of trying such a thing now…I am not so elastic that I could easily rebound from a rejection letter or no letter, at all.  I don’t even know…I’m not looking…did you ever respond to or visit that boy?]  But, while you risk your neck in the spotlight every day, I don’t have an army to put out fires, screen incoming calls, watch my back and counsel me.  So, I am treading cautiously but feeling strongly.  And, if you’ll work with me through this, we’ll both get the answers we need without more than a little heartache as a possible consequence.

I’m clearly not a man of few words.  I would not fair well on Twitter, sadly.  So, get comfortable and prepare to read.

As I wandered through my latest wave of obsessive fantasy thinking, I thought about your upcoming birthday, a small milestone on the road to the legend I am fairly certain you will one day achieve.  [Or, am I supposed to help with that?]  I started having the affectionate, loving thoughts of a horse getting ahead of the race. I haven’t even taken step one, and I’m worrying about step thirty.

I’ve had crushes on other musicians; I still carry tiny torches for a few, even if I am fairly certain those feelings are going nowhere.  Yet, each torch is different.  And, that certainly applies to you.  There’s something extra special about you (or that’s just what my infatuated mind is telling me).  And, every time I imagine myself standing in your presence, I am torn between passing out and turning into some mythical figure, like a mortal obtaining superhuman powers, as if you are some magical battery that would impact my evolution.  [I cannot say the same about most of those other torches.  Some women are just hot flames attracting moths to their doom.] 

If I think about it long enough, or if I look at countless photos and tabloids, I quickly lose steam and shrivel up into a ball without ambition; I feel dwarfed, out of style and out-classed.  I try to remind myself I only see a glimmer of the real you.  [And, you’ve likely seen nothing of me.]  And, I am not sure if that helps me feel better or makes my lofty visions more painful when I “realize” they’re not happening.

I went from seeing no other place to put these than in a “closet” to composing a birthday montage/letter which I could still wait to send.  But, the universe is stirring me to seize the moment.  And, if I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s usually my choice to wait that costs me so many opportunities.  Yet, when I leap at chances, I’ve also received my share of burns.  

Presently, I cannot feature my finest work in its video form.  But, I can show the parade of images that completes the “Side A” of the letter/video and enclose a “transcript” of “commentary” and the “Side B remix.”  And, why not, I’ll show a few from the collections that couldn’t fit nicely into the videos.  And, if you haven’t already, be sure to look back at previous posts with images of and messages to you.  [I’ll leave the birthday wish picture out of the lineup, for now.  So, at the end, where it says this was a thirty-page something…it’s currently twenty-nine.  And, you’ll just have to pause to read everything in each frame, as I see no way to adjust the speed of the slideshow.  [The “premium video version” lasts about 4 minutes and 30 seconds with all the bells and whistles.]

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If I am posting this during springtime, consider my explosion of creative output a side effect of Tay Fever. And, I’ll likely need a box of tissues.
Dear Taylor “Tay” Alison Swift,

This is a text reproduction of a video compilation I put together with two “sides,” like an audio cassette or vinyl record. If you are unable to see the video, just imagine these words set to the music of Elton John’s “Your Song,” as sung with the artist known as Pavarotti. Why “Your Song?” Because you write and perform songs, and I occasionally aspire to write, compose and perform songs, as well. I have a few guitars and am looking for a good teacher. 🙂 And, I’ve been known to have a good singing voice. Portions set in brackets are artwork captions. Some carry some small clue to/aspect of Tay and/or my identity. Others are meant to be amusing and related to the feature image in some way. ‘Plenty of cartoon, movie and song references to be found.]

——–

If ANYONE reading this–as I am enclosing it in my blog–has a means of contacting Tay, let me know. I can email you the video(s) I have not been able to post here (with my current “account settings”), and then you may either post them in your (YouTube) space or pass them to her, and I will be very grateful to you for your assistance. Mind you, the smallest video is roughly 3 MB in size and just a one-minute smile…while the more glorious ones, set to music and sprinkled with special effects, are 21-45 MB, depending upon upload quality, I guess. If that is too big for any email–as is possible–then, perhaps, I can craft a CD-ROM and “snail mail” my creation(s).

——–

Side A

Tay? Honey? I need a moment of your precious time…to tell you what’s been on my mind and in my heart.

[Table 13! Order up!]
[Tay Swift Soup. It’s Mm-Mm good. {She’s a hot dish.}]

<–I’m not sure why I felt the need to associate you with hot soup (and an old commercial tag line)…but I was in a bit of a silly mood. And, in an odd way, you are a sort of (attractive) comfort (food).–<<<

I don’t want to *serve* you some tripe about being your biggest fan…because I’m not. I like a few of your songs and think you are stunning.

<–Around this point, Elton John sings that resonating line about having a face that cannot hide well, little money and big aspirations. This is a line I imagine us both saying at some point. [Though, in your case, I cannot be sure about the money detail.]

I like to think I do okay with hiding my face. And, even in the small instances I’ve seen of you online, I see you trying your own way (which also plays a part in my selection of this “costume”). Obviously, you’ve been sufficiently caught, considering how these tabloid-photography mosquitoes are. But, the face I have a hard time hiding is my feelings, even if people claim I am hard to read. When I let them out, my feelings can be quite a force of nature. Or, in this instance, they’re like the side effects of a non-alcoholic intoxication, getting carried away with a desire.

And, I could spend countless hours conjuring up fantasies of what I’d like to do with and for you. All I’ve designed so far is just a sampler. But, I guess, I must curb my enthusiasm until some of those fantasies become realities, lest I really get carried away and accomplish nothing.–<<<

[I’m a Sagittarius cat!]

I don’t want to *pussyfoot.* But, I’m a socially timid guy trying to reach a star in this hazardous world. [I am not eager to be just another YouTube spectacle.]

<–I know others have successfully reached you via YouTube presentations (possibly just the lucky few to get turned into tiny broadcast news stories). And, I wouldn’t mind someone with an account featuring one or more of my videos for me, just to reach you. But, I am so sick of hearing about LIKES and VIEWS in the news as if such numbers mean anything. And, if recent news of deaths related to the pursuit of such fame isn’t enough to confirm some of my discontent feelings? For me to risk exposing myself on camera for a chance–not a guarantee–to make the kind genuine connection I seek and not just look like some drooling freak/fan…is it worth it? If I am not regularly using a YouTube account for anything productive…if it’s not part of some business…it’s just costing me money and fueling impulsive audiences like certain stores fuel impulse shopping; and that’s no good. Not everyone posting videos becomes the superstars seen on the news and talent shows; it’s just the latest “panic” spreading like the old “funniest home videos” race-to-fame-and-a-tiny-fortune. And, I am not yet comfortable, as an adult, doing something I might have dared to do as a kid with just a tape recorder to record his silly performances.–<<<

<–Then Elton sings that line about attempting a sculpture of his love interest. While I share his pessimism about the result, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. When my creative juices get going…and when there is a glimmer of hope they will serve a righteous purpose…there’s no telling what I will all create. This whole presentation is likely just an appetizer.–<<<

Even now, I am a little parched. Don’t leave me low and dry. But, I imagine you being like an oasis.

I think of you as a breath of fresh air…

…refreshing rain…

…or dazzling sunshine…

…day…

…or night…

…you mess with my tides.

When I’m down, one look at your smiling face can pick me up. And, when I’m up, one tabloid about you can bring me down.

<–The Sagittarius truth. Attributed to your “fire,” your face can light up my day. And, one blurb about you with some other guy can derail my schedule.–<<<

Tay, I want to fall into your arms and rustle your branches.

[What happened to my favorite tree?!]
[Dunno. I’m as *stumped* as you.]

I don’t ever want to bring you down…unless we’re being playful…or you threaten my spirit.

<–And, to threaten my spirit harshly enough to earn retaliation worth any concern, you’d have to blatantly do or say something I’ve identified as strongly disliked. I’m generally non-violent, preferring to attack the same way I honor, creatively (similar to your tactic–if it is a tactic–for turning ugly feelings into a song). Well, as I hate repeating myself, you can read more about this in my blog.–<<<

You may not be a cut above the rest. But, you’d be one hot present under the Christmas tree.

<–This is both a bit of a tree joke and a way of saying I may be so infatuated with what I think of you, Tay, that I could be blind to an unpleasant truth I have yet to learn. In the first frame, two hikers find a favored tree missing from the forest; in the second, that tree is standing over a pile of presents. So many lovers spill lavish words and make lofty claims about their partners being the prettiest or best something, only for the relationship to fall apart when someone just as pretty or “better” comes along. I think you’re stunning. I think you are just scratching the surface of your talents and capacity to influence the world. But, can I confirm you are the best of anything in the world? Truthfully, no.–<<<

<–Any guesses about why I make several references to wood/trees?–<<<

[*Gasp* I’m the luckiest (older) boy in the world!]

I may not know where you are or where you’re going.

[Zelda?]

But, I want to travel with you…around this world…and throughout the universe.

When you need to venture on your own, I hope you enjoy yourself.
And, when you’re coming around the mountain, I wanna meet you there.

<–A Sagittarius needs a certain amount of freedom/personal space; and I want to be sure I respect that (and am likewise respected). I also want to be a welcome face when you return from any venture that separates us; welcome back and let’s celebrate. This is a sample of my effort to follow the Golden Rule.–<<<

[It’s up to you, Tay! But, would you please contact Writingbolt? I’m tryin’ to sleep, here!]
[Shut up! He’s confessing these feelings his way!]
[New York! New-ew-ew Yorrrrk!]

I wanna wake up…in a city…that never sleeps…because we kept them up all night with our *shared energy.*

[Uuuh. Miss Swift? There is a charming man at the front gate who appears to have fainted from walking here just to speak with you.]

And, I will walk a thousand miles just to be the man who falls down at your door.

Because, there’s a fire in your eyes. And, when it’s gone, I want s’more.

I want to write songs with and for you. I want to get creative with you for as long as we live.

[I see love in our stars. Ooh! Is that Jupiter?]
[Arrow points to the costume I picked out which you could rock. A costume soon to be identified if you don’t already know it.]

I want us to howl at the moon because we are madly in love.
I want to share a lifetime of slumber and costume parties.

And, I want you to light up my life. [But, a big part of that requires your help to bring us together.]

But, then again, I hardly know you! I could be totally wrong. And, if I am…if I have you completely wrong…..

[Is this the forest of true love?]
[Leaf me alone! You’re barking up the wrong tree!]

<–Again, could I just be overly infatuated, considering I haven’t actually spent any time with you in person? And, could what I’ve learned with astrology be wrong? And, what if my message comes at a bad time? When you are otherwise…well, I am sure you can finish that sentence.

…Then this is one *honey* of a WOOPS! [Now, you see Swifty Honey, a variation of the anime heroine Cutey/Cutie Honey.]

[Now you know; and knowing is half the battle.]

Happy birthday, Sunshine.

Sincerely, your secretive admirer, Writingbolt

[Awoooo! She’s not a complicated monster. She just wants a lifetime of unconventional lovin’ with Writingbolt.]
[Swift!]
[Darn tootin’.]

Don’t be a monster in my closet…
[…Unless you’re engaging me in passionate, freaky sex for the rest of our lives.]

<–Or, if you need a better understanding of that bit…
First, “The Monster in my Closet” is a title given to something you, Tay, and I have both written (though your project surely varies from mine).
Second, if someone is going to haunt my closet, I don’t want them to make me miserable. If your “monster” was someone who violated you, I am speechless. My “monster” is a sexual fantasy linked to a dream (or nightmare) I had as a child. I don’t want some past love to make me linger with regret. I want that secret visitor, monster or otherwise, to be a constant source of pleasure.–<<<

But, if you just want to hug, kiss and hold hands while we explore the universe, I can *eggroll* with that. 🙂

<–Translation: Not everyone has to be a passionate sex fiend. And, romance–though I wish to use a word that is not associated with the Roman Empire–does not need to be an endangered art. Great love can be experienced on a spiritual level, too. And…I am partial to the Far East and eggrolls, just in case we have (American) Chinese food for dinner.–<<<

To learn more about the socially timid bachelor and artist known as Writingbolt, contact him via email, using one or both of the provided methods on his contact page. Once he trusts you with this, he will open the doors to phone calls and other means of contact.

You may also find useful details by reading and/or looking at some of his blog postings here at WordPress, including aspirations for the love of his life and a few personal details that managed to escape his concern for privacy and safety.

The preceding was a thirty-page* love lett–er, birthday card to the lovely Taylor Alison Swift. Her photo and all artwork, aside from editing, were provided by internet search and cartoons painstakingly clipped by Writingbolt, pieced together into this request for a blissful relationship. If the artist is misguided or too late with his request, please inform him on how to reach Miss Swift…

*Can you guess why this was designed to include thirty pages?

Or, he will just do his best to recover and move on with his life.

<–Just to be clear…that means I am looking for a way to accurately reach you, Tay, with this message. If WordPress isn’t sufficient, I am asking for assistance. And, if there is something wrong with the message or its timing (you know what I mean), then I guess I just have to suck it up and get on with my life. I will try my best to hold my head up high and continue to honor you in my creative endeavors (as long as I don’t make myself sick).–<<<

———-

Side B

[In this variation of the previous, new thoughts pop up over the previous captions, and some images are replaced with other artworks and added effects. It’s sort of like a commentary playing over a DVD movie.]

Or, better yet, let me show you how you’ve inspired me and consume a large portion of my creative energy, since 2009.

Actually, I’ve only recently started putting your face into digital art.

[That Face]

<–What I failed to include (or cut so you wouldn’t have to pause the video to read long paragraphs at every frame) was how I’ve dabbled with pencil sketches (portraits) over the years and used your love story song, once, in an effort to play Cupid for someone. I’ve also had you in mind while crafting my own ideas for a modern Jem and the Holograms movie and writing my first books; not novels, mind you, but books. Though, I did sort of have you in mind when designing a particularly holy character in a mini-series I am still struggling to complete. But, I didn’t get the sudden urge to create so much digital art until I found the courage to post a birthday letter/greeting on my blog. These are mostly photo manipulations, something I haven’t done in years due to…–<<<

An old fear, something few, I doubt, would understand, repressed the urge for a long time.

<–I won’t adequately explain this without cracking a dam of emotion. And, I’d prefer to do that only when I feel comfortable in the company of a trusted soul. I have a feeling saying certain things makes them happen. I also have this feeling certain events have already taken place in a way that causes me to experience unpleasant (to say the least) deja vu. In my effort to counter the negative possibilities, I am crafting and voicing pleasant fantasies as one might put on a “vision board.”–<<<

But, your love story (song) lit a torch, nearly a decade ago.

<–As I just said, I started cooking with creative ideas around 2009. And, I continue to have moments when my thoughts turn to you.–<<<

[Tea with Taylor in the Morning]

<–Me imagining a Skype chat with you while sharing cups of tea, somewhat inspired by a brief segment featured on the TV series Community.–<<<

A torch that has been burning…

…through tabloid stunners and short-lived relationships…

…and kept on burning up until this day…

[I Got a Letter, Jem-esque song lyrics by Writingbolt]

…when I finally found a little song in my heart…

…and a video to compose for another.

<–Just to clarify, I was picturing you as Jerrica Benton from the Jem cartoons when the song “I Got a Letter” popped into my mind. And then, as I considered turning my vast collection of portrait/photo-manipulation variations into a video compilation, I was drawn to Elton John’s “Your Song.” It may be that easy for me to write a song. Even if it’s just a small “tease” of a song, you might say, “Why don’t you (take lessons and) write more of your own songs?” But, I have less desire to write for myself than I would, knowing I had someone valued to fill my heart. And, together, who knows what we could create……that seems to be a crutch of mine. I’m both selfish for limiting what I do until I get something in return…and selfless when I find myself desiring someone or happy to be in their company. Put a smile on my face, and you’ll likely get a hundred in return. And, if I find you in need of a smile, I’ll likely make an effort to put one on your face. But, don’t expect me to entertain you or do anything on my own unless I say I will do it. And, even then, can I guarantee I’ll follow through? Like a building that withstands centuries, I need a good foundation of love and trust to build myself up and become a better factory…or fruitful tree.–<<<

If you’re not a fan of seeing your face this way, forgive my creative choice.

<–Not everyone appreciates seeing their face being added to a cartoon (particularly a shapely anime) character. ‘Just checking. Because, as the caption reads: I don’t ever want to bring you down.–<<<

I just had a moment when I pictured you as a heroine.

And, this character came to mind. Not for what she is (technically, an android built by a man who lost his daughter and wanted to preserve her beauty as well as create a heroic female figure to fight the encroaching darkness in his world) but for her beauty and what she does.

You hear the calls of others and rush to help them.

You’re not just a musician. You’re a traveling muse and activist, in your own small way.

So, now I’m calling.

And, I pray you’ll answer.

Will you be my heroine?

[Swifty Honey…with a freshly lit torch and a “dynamite” manga (comic book) page that reflects my feelings.]

I’m not some sick child on his deathbed or charity trying to feed a nation.

I’m just a man, an artist, looking at a beautiful woman, wishing he could get to know her better.

<–That’s not exactly great English for a yet-budding author, but it came out the way it did. And, I’m sticking with that.–<<<

A face and a spirit that can improve the world better than some of the most famous artists. And, I want to honor and work with you.

<–I’ll take a favorable portrait of you over the Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo, any day.–<<<

[A one-year subscription to Rattle and Hum magazine, a blend of astrology and music in a fantasy magazine composed by you and I, featuring some columns with witty references to your favorite color and certain songs.]
[A silhouette image for a possible tour poster or just a computer’s “wallpaper,” featuring one of those acoustic guitars with your name on it.]

[Thanks, Elton John. It’s still *your song.* But, it works nicely, here.]

[A possible new (vinyl record) album cover, titled Red-Velvet Lover, a play on the band Velvet Revolver (not a personal favorite, just a name that tickled a funny nerve while thinking of writing music for you), referring to your preference for red and an image I found of you rocking a pair of red velvet boots. Also, a play on RCA Records–whether or not you associate with them–and a touch of astrology.]
[A 1970s-ish talk-show image for commercial breaks, similar to what you’d see on the old Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin shows, featuring three different looks I have seen you sport.]
[A cover for a novel I imagine us writing together. Do you like my “pen name?”]
[A portrait that includes 13 words I associate with you; 13 in regards to the day you were born.]

Nearly a gigabyte of Taylor Swift artworks and videos? Am I sick?

<–I get self-conscious, at times, wondering if I am becoming inappropriately obsessed. I’ve received quite a bit of criticism, over the years, about my personal feelings/interests. I feel all of my creative energy would be better put to use in an existent relationship and/or serving some active purpose. But, at the moment, and too often, it’s spent in a daydream, wishful thinking. I’m terrible at “breaking the ice” (at least, in the public eye). I hate just spinning my tires. But, fears get in my way and slow me down. I am quite alone and lonely with my feelings. If such whims took no time, at all, and could be made in a flash, this might seem easy to pass off as inexpensive as a casually sent greeting card or memo. But, I have really been getting sucked into this. I’m trying to finish writing a book, and this happens. And then there’s that deja vu feeling that haunts me. It would be nice to finally, someday, know someone who can take all I can give and make it feel worthwhile, to satisfy my creative spirit with gratitude and purpose.–<<<

Happy birthday, Sunshine.

Sincerely, your secretive admirer, Writingbolt (AP)

[An image of you as Adora from the 1980s She-Ra cartoon, thinking about (me), another blonde heroine you could fit. Someone off-screen asks who is the mystery man whispering in your woods. That’s a little joke about the forest the heroes (in that cartoon) defended.]
[Swifty Honey with a mob of cartoon cats; just me thinking of your interest in/preference for cats.]
[An image of you as Jerrica Benton from the 1985 Jem cartoon, receiving a letter…the inspiration for “I Got a Letter.” I was rather pleased with my effort to recreate the audio-tape-ribbon portions, as was common on Jem product packaging.]
[An image of you as Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda video games; except you are the beauty just starting to form your legend. Note the snake print and “Triforce” of guitar picks.]
[Another possible record album for you, titled “My Tay on the Highway,” a collection of songs to keep people entertained on road trips, featuring Swifty Honey with a *red* Jeep.]
[An image of you a few years into the future, running for President of My Heart.]
[And, lastly, a second image of you as Jerrica Benton…just another wishful thought. :)]

[And, a disclaimer for anyone other than Tay reading/watching (the video): If you are watching this, please pass the message any way you can to reach Taylor Alison Swift. And, thank you.]

As suggested, you may–and I hope you will–reach me via email via one of the methods provided on my Contact Me page (here) at WordPress. If you have any questions about myself, my creative output and/or just about anything on your mind, I am happy to answer them (in private). I may not have all the answers, but I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. 😀

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Lengthy Disclaimer #??:  I know I’m not the only obsessing Taylor Alison Swift fan to use her image this way.  But, I’m also not the average fan…not exactly a super-fan.  Some of you know this, already…well, if you’ve been truly following my emotional tides.  I don’t study her so closely that I know her favorite everything.  I don’t subscribe to the newsletters and follow her like the camera folks that stalk her every move.  [How DOES one live like that?]

I know she likes red, cats, responding to the calls of others (though I am not sure what exactly determines who gets a response), handbags that don’t exactly sit on her long, lean arms right and enough daringly short outfits to attract every mosquito in the world and defy any concern for aging for years to come (with no need to compete with the likes of Jennifer Lopez, as some images give me the impression).  I also know what I like and don’t like, obviously, as much about her; I know what makes me think she is quite awesome and a worthy partner to challenge, complement and inspire me, as I would do the same, I think, for her.  I’ve touched on some of that, previously, and don’t want to repeat much.  I know it’s not healthy to dwell so much on someone you’ve never met, never spoken with and may never get to know as personally as you’d like.  [‘Still crossing my fingers!]  But, truth be told, she keeps getting into my head!  And, the last thing I want to do is make that sound the least bit creepy.  But, in a way, it IS a bit creepy.

For whatever reason, I had another “episode” and found myself obsessively crafting variations on these concepts.  They swallowed up a rather large chunk of time over the past few days.  But, I wasn’t having much luck crafting anything else.  As I already said, writer’s block has been shutting me down (for weeks).  And, I haven’t had much ambition to create any (useless) art for a while.  I’ve lost my practicing spark, again.  But, thinking of famous people who have captured a piece of my heart, namely Tay (as I continue to call her, affectionately), gave me a little drive to create…something.  I’m just not sure how to classify this stuff without putting myself down.

And, thinking about time passing me by, as I am sure she is thinking, too, I got to thinking about weighing these…maybe silly aspirations for the pursuit of any kind of relationship.  How much longer before the next love interest on my lofty list ties the knot?  [I had planned on posting something about one who recently got married, because it really got under my skin…but I have resisted, as I felt it wouldn’t accomplish much.]  It’s a really difficult thing for me to do, separating fantasy from reality.  It’s painful and uncertain.  I mean, if I am going to be true to my Sagittarius (or not so Sagittarius) roots, I have to believe anything is possible.  Yet, doubt, fear and a trail of tabloids have a “funny” way of bringing me down.  So, which way do I go?  All I can do, for now, is put what I have “out there.”  Right?  And, I have the feeling this isn’t the best place.  But, that’s me, too, I guess.  I don’t pick the best picnic spots.

In short–ha–I simply hope these creations serve a valid purpose and don’t just look like obsessive nonsense.  I’m considering them items on a sort of “vision board.”  I’m speaking to the universe which speaks to me.  Hear me, universe?  I’m calling out to someone I value for some reason even though we’ve had no real contact.  And, if you’re kind, you’ll help me make the right contact…if it’s meant to be…if I’m not just under some spell like one who falls in love with a character only to find the actress who played that character is nothing like the latter and thus defeats the interest.  Better to have loved and lost than never to have had the chance to love, at all, right?  Well, have I had the chance to love?  Is this the love I am to lose before I even hold her hand?

 

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21
May
18

New Novel in the Works

*****

I’ve been commissioned to write a novel about my wondrous relationship with the lovely Taylor Swift.** It’s a love story. So, when I ask you to support me in my effort to get it published, just say yes. [Ha.]

It’s called *The Taylor and the Writingbolt.* But, my agent and one publisher said “Writingbolt” should be two words, like lightning bolt.

They also wondered why I misspelled “Tailor.” I told them it’s a little joke and that I’d work in how she fashions various things, like weaving compelling lyrics and grooming her image.

I was looking at this one picture of Taylor the other day, and it got me thinking of cover designs and an old love song.

TASwift-valentine-fluffyredheart-cloudybluesky-longcurlyhairphoto_ap-CSPP-2018-85x11-2J

So, I whipped up a few dozen variations of a theme. Let me know what you think of these samples. I think most of them are quite professional-looking and mildly amusing.

**Commissioned in my dreams. This is just me fantasizing about living with this fine young woman and having her help me write a glorious epic based upon our real relationship, sitting by a sunlit window overlooking lush greenery or a placid beach.

Obsessed?  Maybe.  But, definitely inspired.  It’s amazing what a lil infatuation will do.  Imagine what shared love would bring.  😀

18
May
18

Friend-Less, the Solution to “Icky Drama”

****

[The setting: Woman-A meets with her friend, Woman-B at a cafe for lunch. They start talking and eventually reach a disagreement which gives Woman-A a bad case of indigestion and gas (because her emotions are tied to her digestive system). Woman-B decides to use the Ladies’ Room while Woman A maintains her distance and hopes no one complains about her flatulence. A female stranger, Woman-C, notices the discomfort of Woman-A and joins her.]

Woman C: Is your friend giving you digestive problems?

Woman A: Urp! *sigh* …Yeah.

Woman C: Then you need Friend-Less. She’s 100% human but without the complicated emotional upsets. You’ll never have to endure a conflict of interests, again!

Woman A: Sounds *B-Lurp!* great. Where can I find…uh, her?

 

[You won’t find Friend-Less in any restaurant, workplace, club, yoga class, pharmacy or department store. Science hasn’t worked out all the bugs on this one, yet. And, even if someone did, it would be a crime against nature (unless a higher power chose a lack of emotional upsets as a step in evolution, as an adaptation). ‘Sort of like any food/drink that has been tampered with to boast a lack of side effects. It’s NOT 100% anything except guaranteed to be manipulated.]

16
Jan
18

Untied Day Art, Posters, Etc.

*****

Here will be my initial gallery space for Untied Day materials, including explanation and simple flyers/ads you can distribute as you please to spread the idea.  If more come into creation, I’ll add them when I can.  The 900 pt square ones, I think, make nice (car) window decals and/or napkins.

Let me know which you favor and what could be improved.  If you have any to submit yourself, you can post on your own space with a link to this space (and leave a comment below to connect readers here to that space).  Or, you can send them to my mailbox (or discuss sending them, beforehand).

If you’re a lil foggy on what this is all about, be sure to seek out my previous post on the new holiday (conception).  There you’ll find screen-printing and coloring page versions of the logo and all the details I painstakingly composed in an effort to make single, widowed and divorced folks just as happy as anyone who celebrates romantic holidays like Valentine’s and Dragobete.  Untied Day is one day that takes place between those two, on a day noted by a 2 and a 1.  Run with that concept as far as you feel able.  [Yes, I put some “riddle-me” thought into this.]

27
Jun
17

Dear Beth Behrs, (Part One)

*****

1118full-beth-behrs

You lovely, troubled blonde beauty who lights the room with her smile and radiant hair (preferably when it’s cut evenly, not too short and not exposing only one ear).

beth-behrs-TV-indstry-advoccy-awrds-gala-LA-09-18-2015_1

Yea, not a good look.  The photo up top is much nicer.  Plus, in this photo, you look a little dazed or scared of the camera flashes.

Had I known we were such a match, I would have written sooner.  [You’re a lil on the short side but all right.]

You see, I had this whole thing planned out about 6 years ago when I first saw you don that crazy pearl necklace on 2 Broke Girls.  I was going to ogle–er, court you for a few years to get to know you. Then I was going to propose.  I mean, I had the flowers all picked out and everything…  Buuut, I guess some other guy beat me to the punch last summer.  Typical me.  Too slow.  Too shy.  And, late, again.

Actually, I’ve been fawning over you since the start of 2 Broke Girls but figured you were either too young or already involved with some hunk.  [I had some other predictions, but those shall remain in the vault for now.]

And, when I found the nerve and common sense to look up your birthday, I found some astrology factors that looked favorable.  [VERY favorable.]  I had planned a birthday surprise.  But, every time your birthday came around, I would forget and slap myself to remember the next year.

So, why am I writing this now?  Today?  Carpe diem.  And I thought…what the heck.  Why not?!  Message in a bottle.

Just recently, I learned about you suffering from panic attacks and anxiety since your teens?  What started that?  And, why did I first read about it now?  Anyway, I thought we are a perfect pair of nervous spirits who could play therapist to each other.  That or we’d sink the ship sooner just because we’d both panic and maybe not get to the meditation time and place soon enough.  [I’m not good at taking time to meditate.  But, I frequently use “active meditation” which is essentially daydreaming to unwind.  It can be quite hazardous to both memory and focusing on the moment at hand, which is often frowned upon by authorities like teachers and bosses.]

My eyebrow raised when I read about this horse therapy thing you’ve started…something about survivors of sexual abuse?  I-I-Is that what gave you the panic attacks?  Cuz that is a really particular group to focus on with horse therapy.  Why not social anxiety or the fear of horses?  Why not social media detox (as you wrote somewhere about the practice of letting your “smart” phone go rather than glue yourself to it)?

[FYI I’ve yet to ride one but loooove horses.  And, tigers/cats, squirrels…]

You don’t have to be funny to be sexy (or lovable).  [I prefer “lovable” to “cute.”  You have a certain mature look that sort of eludes the cute factor.]  Nor do you have to pose in skimpy outfits (which do nothing to respect your beauty and spirit).  Or, do you feel you are being “cute” or funny when you pose for that sort of model photography?  You could wear a set of overalls and no makeup, and I am sure you could still be stunning.  And, even when you’re not stunning, you seem quite capable of being charming.  [Although, some of the scripted dialogue I’ve heard you say isn’t very charming or witty.  But, that’s showbiz.]

It’s hard to be funny consistently.  Being funny requires an audience with a compatible sense of humor.  And, being “on” too long or often is a drain on the emotional and mental batteries.  Plus, withdrawal from the spotlight can be a beeyatch.

I imagine it’s hard to be sexy consistently unless you just have that IT factor, unless you’re someone’s type.  So, when I saw you relate being funny to self-confidence, I worried about your “balance.”  It’s like putting faith in a candle.  What happens when the flame goes out?

What SHOULD give you confidence is that you can take command of a room with just a look, a smile.  You have steadfastness in your astrology, particularly Chinese astrology.  There is where you may find that “exquisite hostess at home” energy you claim or desire to have/showcase.  Ironically, I think it would make you a fine caterer.  [If I knew more, I could tell you more.]

I’d like to talk more about a few things, particularly the anxiety/panic matter.  I appreciate what you’ve written about it as it gives me food for thought.  I would do everything I could to alleviate your woes.  But, I see the boyfriend (or fiance) is giving me that look.  So, I should go.  But, it was nice seeing you, again.

[Call me!  Er, drop a note in my email box.  Wink.]

Beth-Behrs-03

[Gorge-e-ous, Caroline Charming.  Although, the skirt could be longer.  🙂 ]

 

28
Feb
17

My Response to “An Ace in a Hole” (Dear Abby)

*****

You can find my response to this and other letters on the designated page. But, while you’re here, have a read.

Ace is a… Well, let’s be clear about this. Ace doesn’t exactly say if they are a boy/man or girl/woman. So, the mere fact that Abby decides to address the person as a young woman may be in error. While some details might suggest Ace is female, it is not certain from my perspective.

Ace is struggling with an “asexual” identity. He/She is being pestered by friend and family alike to do what is “normal,” including sex and having kids while Ace shows no interest. As with others who feel abnormal or exceptionally unique, he/she is distraught and seeking a means of maintaining friendship with those who bother him/her.

I myself never questioned my sexuality other than how I appear to others (which has been a source of concern and annoying conflict). I have been labeled and scrutinized most of my life and had to accept some battles as defeats or stalemates, which ultimately weakened or even tore ties to certain people. Thus, I will speak from experience.

————-

Ace, you might help me out by making your gender clear. What I have to say might slip into applying to one gender or another. But, I will do by best to keep this asexual.

One quick question: Why do you call yourself “an ace in a hole?” The term “ace in the hole” is defined as an advantage waiting to be revealed. I’d say being openly asexual while enduring punishment from those closest to you does not match that definition.

[If you have no interest in my personal experience/opinion outside the realm of advice geared specifically to your problem, you can skip the following portion and start with the separate question.]

———–

While a mother pushing the idea of marrying a gay man at you tells Abby you are a woman turned off by sexual intercourse, I am wondering if your mother didn’t have another motive, if you are an asexual man, and she thought a gay man would eventually awaken the gay manhood in you or make you comfortable with someone who didn’t look at sex the same way heterosexual couples do. I could be way off base here. But, hopefully, you can see how/why I’d make such a statement.

Some might bring up the matter of having children. Well, would you really be more likely to have children as an asexual woman with a gay man than with a straight one? No. You’d likely adopt or be in a situation like James Corden who is apparently married to a heterosexual woman AND gay (or bisexual) with kids.

At an early age, I was “informed” having children was “normal” and to be expected. And, as early as maybe twelve, I thought about having two kids of m own. But, once I learned about sexual intercourse and all that came with it, over many years and from meeting many people, I kinda lost interest in bringing kids into this world. [I’m not ruling kids out completely; but they seem unlikely in my future. Still, I might help others with their kids and consider that my “parenting time.”]

No discomfort intended, but I am surprised you have ANY supportive friends (unless the friendships are very “cool” and “casual,” not people you spend extensive time with outside of work and/or have heavily personal talks with, for example). Being as you are cannot be common in your area. Can it? If your supportive circle consists of other asexual individuals, well, aren’t you lucky. I’m more likely to believe the people you know are quite comfortable discussing and seeking sexual intercourse while just patting you on the back as they bite their tongues in your presence (if they are that respectful).

From as far back as the age of five, I can recall kids being quite mean to me. I’ve had my share of bullies picking on me for everything from the shape of my head to how I walk or dress. I could have curled up in a closet and decided years later I was gay because I couldn’t connect with girls the way other boys did. But, that’s just not me. I knew early on I liked girls; I just didn’t know how to convey my feelings without embarrassment or social conflict. And, as I learned about sexual intercourse, I was turned off, much like you. The new knowledge only made socializing more difficult.

There was one girl in particular I befriended for whom I had strong feelings. And, as these feelings became apparent to our peers, we were harassed until we–or she–made a decision to separate. It was painful to lose touch with her. Meanwhile, a few of the hecklers were having their first sexual experiences with foreign exchange students; and I don’t recall them being harassed for attempting this.

There was also one boy who I’d call asexual because he never expressed any interest in a boy or girl other than as an ally or enemy. Everything seemed to be about war with him. You were either his “right-hand man” or on a list of people he had no problem talking about wiping off the planet (though he never followed through with his threats). I thought he was a Nazi leader. It was hard for even me to understand how he could be so robotic and, in his own way, juvenile.

In my late teens, I was viewed by some of my peers as the equivalent of a “gay priest.” I was, like you, repulsed by the realities of sexual intercourse, especially the common practice of “casual sex” (including “oral” which I refuse to try or accept others doing). I was also serious about respecting religion which seemed to be a foreign concept to my peers though we were attending a Catholic school. [Had I not been given such a steady diet of religion growing up, I might have had no qualms about casual sex.]

I could admit to liking or even lusting for a girl. But, the truth came out under pressure and, usually, with unpleasant results. I consistently hoped I’d have a quiet moment alone with whoever interested me so I could express my feelings without heckling or judgment and cope with the rejection I might yet receive if the feelings were not mutual. I was a passer of notes who had little to no luck doing so. My unique mindset made me an outcast. And, a few bold souls pressured me to try things with which I was not only uncomfortable but also opposed.

On occasion, the suggestions/dares were made in jest, just to see how badly I’d make a fool of myself following orders. Suffice to say, high school put a big dent in my ability to socialize. I went from a “plus one” (in terms of social aptitude, on a scale of 1 to 10) to somewhere in the negative digits. I might as well have been dead. That would have made everything easier. But, in my heart, I still longed for companionship and hid those strong sexual feelings most of my peers had and discussed freely.

Ultimately, I had to accept being an outcast and cutting ties with people who seemed unable to respect my choices. [And, though I didn’t always see it at that age, I was not the most respectful of choices made by my peers, either. If I didn’t like something they did, I’d complain when they were in my company. But, I didn’t nag, tease or challenge anyone. I just bluntly said, “I don’t like ___.” Or, “___ are stupid.” And, often enough, I’d give reasons no one really wanted to hear. I thought I was being social and honest, having an opinion.]

————

How do you maintain contact with these people who are becoming increasingly bothersome/suffocating?

Right off the top of my head, I’d say you don’t (maintain contact). You set yourself apart from them and regroup. Why continue to stand in their line of fire and take that “abuse?”

Give yourself a place and time to shake their pressured intentions from your mind (and soul) like a plane shaking the fire from one of its engines. Maybe there’s a coffee shop or fast food restaurant/cafe you can visit to unwind and entertain yourself with some tabletop hobby (IE reading, crossword puzzles or doodling). And, if they continue to seek you out and push their views, you give them one last warning before cutting ties completely. If they ignore your warning, there’s your answer; they are not going to change.

It may hurt to lose a friend or warm relationship with a parent, but crap happens. If your mother won’t accept you as a person and family member because you don’t get married and/or have kids, you tell her she has only so much time to change her way of thinking because you are going to be who you choose to be until that changes, if it changes, which will not happen because of her pressuring you.

Abby says this is an opportunity to educate. Well, who says you have to be the spokesperson for “asexual America” and go on talk shows to start a movement for supporting people like you? If that sounds good to you, go for it. If not, defend yourself. At the very least, you tell these nags that you will consider other options when and if your feelings change. And, if that’s not enough to shut them up, again, set boundaries, make ultimatums and follow through. Accept the fact that you may not always have the best of relations with your parents and/or that one person you call a friend.

But, let’s do our best to be polite about these matters. Right? Because it wouldn’t be “prudent” to lose our tempers. No. It would just be natural. If you value yourself and what you believe/feel, you do what is necessary and may not be able to sort out–at the time–what is excessively hostile. Still, there are things we can say and/or do via impulse that might be worse than necessary. And, we should avoid doing more harm than good.

28
Feb
17

My Response to “Achiever Mom” (Carolyn Hax)

*****
You can find my response to this and other letters on the designated page. But, while you’re here, have a read.  [You may find a loose end or two as my response kept evolving over a few days.  I finally just decided to post what I had.]

Achiever Mom is concerned about her son who is twelve years old, not exceptional in sports or academics and void of any interest with which she feels able to relate. She mentions her husband as a socially anxious under-achiever and highlights a moment in which her son supposedly chose to forfeit a spelling bee due to a lack of interest in winning/trying. Claiming she grew up grasping at every opportunity she could, this incident made her angry at him for not being more ambitious to achieve greater status.

Carolyn Hax does a decent job of asking Mom to accept her son as he is and let him find his own way. But, Hax seems to be making the assumption the son bailed on the challenge, knowing it would irk his mom, making the son appear more devious than he may be (which could have a negative impact on what the mother does next).

While overall content with the article/response, I felt there were a few details missing, details that might need light shed upon them to better understand and direct the situation at a crucial stage. This case also touches on a personal one, which motivates me to speak out. Thus, the following response is more about my experience and how it may be related to the situation at hand than added advice.

————–

Achiever Mom, you be careful with that boy. I don’t want to scare you, but soon, he will be entering high school, that tumultuous stormy sea between Scylla and Charybdis that tests youth’s metal. He will face temptation, heavier work loads and peer pressure like he has never known. He will be torn between convention and rebellion, between practical and unorthodox. And, if you so much as twist his wrist in an effort to tell him “how it’s done” or fail to teach him how to accept defeat, you could scar him and the connection you have for life.

If you don’t mind reading a novella, I’m content to sit down and discuss this with you for the moment. Getting all of the thoughts out and answers we might benefit from is a tad hard to achieve in half of a newspaper page. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, take a deep cleansing breath, maybe fix yourself a calming drink and have a go at this.

[FYI, I speak from experience; I was a boy much like your son. I had a father who (without any “inheritance”) boasted military experience (in “peace time”) and a mother who was the self-proclaimed ruler of discipline and organization (as well as the queen of denial). But, I didn’t bail on the spelling bee. I simply fell short and discouraged myself from trying, again, because I had been built up to think I was smarter than I performed and acknowledged for a skill I must not have valued much (until I was older and learned to care more about the full use of words than just spelling them). I made one mistake and didn’t have the nurturing I felt necessary to continue or didn’t see the logic in trying, again. I had no “failure coping skills,” no interest in being less than the best and, to be quite honest, little to no interest in glory from spelling.

There were many other instances in which I had gut instincts to go one way and my parents insisted I go their way. And, in short, because they only accepted doing things my way after it was too late (after I paid the price of going against my gut feeling) or after lengthy protest and stressing out, a rift gradually grew. In just a few years, it grew to the point I lost sight of the childhood love I had for my parents. And, to this day, that love is razor thin; it’s an obligation and an oath, not a comfort or treasure.

I had a hard time talking with my parents about nearly every concern on my mind. And, there were plenty in my early teens. Certain tasks or challenges were deemed too dangerous or unfit for me before I could even attempt them. Where I wanted to try was not always approved. The more often I quit, the less my parents approved of me; and the more I disliked myself. Yet, I could not see any merit in continuing what discouraged and/or hurt me, as well as what seemed “too hard.” I was told I was a good student, but that didn’t seem the case when it came to learning from/with my parents. Confusion does not make a good foundation. And, when later asked by others why I couldn’t do something, I felt too embarrassed to say no one never taught me or that I was afraid to learn. Nor could I easily take what others taught me and apply it at home without my parents objecting strongly.]

Your last little paragraph kind of says it all. You are a tightly wound violin string ready to snap at the kid for a “mocking bow” and potentially never succeeding at anything. You may say it was so, but I don’t know and doubt he was mocking. Nor would I be so harsh to assume he will never succeed at anything; that’s just devastating talk. Get that junk out of your head, doing a weekly sweep if necessary.

[That reminds me of a time when my mother thought I was “faking” weakness/illness/injury. I was actually physically, mentally and emotionally hurt; and she thought I was faking. I don’t remember her saying so when I was in the moment. But, hearing her thoughts, decades later, hurt almost as much as they would have had I heard them as that kid. It explains why I felt so abandoned and helpless at the time, left to fend for myself like a baby bird that fell from the nest. Yet, I didn’t do so well fending for myself. Had I been a bird, I probably would have died or been eaten.]

Whether or not you shake your head at my earlier assessment, let me ask you a valid question (or two). How successful are you, really? [That might have shed some light on the situation.] Are you the “breadwinner?” Are you at the peak of your career path? Or, are you “content” with much less than you yourself could have had yet wishing–as many do–for your children to “have a better life” while losing sight of what you experienced?

Understand that some things never change; but others do. Tools that were available when you were his age are not the same now. Opportunities you had then are not necessarily available now. Others you did not have are. Circumstances are slightly different.

———
This next portion is going to sound much like what Carolyn said with a few different words. You might find a few new perspectives. But, you can skip past it, if you prefer.

Instead of focusing on the word “succeed,” right now, put the phrase “stimulate the happiness of others” up over your work space and do everything in your power to guide your son toward what makes him happy (not what makes you happy). In time, I would guess (I mean, what do I know?) this will turn into success once he feels good about what he can do before assuming he can or must be successful.

Teach him a lesson my parents had a hard time–if not failed at–grasping: how to experience failure and deal with it. Don’t teach him to fear failure and fear trying things you feel he isn’t fit or right to do (like laundry, cooking and other household chores), just because he doesn’t do them your way or makes a mess. [Maybe there’s a reason he doesn’t follow directions well; and it doesn’t have to be a “disability” or “attitude problem.”]

The scariest part of the coming years could be letting him do what he chooses and being ready to cushion any blows that come from those decisions, not letting him take over your house and lifestyle but allowing him to mold himself rather than have you pick the shape he takes. If there is competition, let him decide to enter or avoid it. Encourage him to discuss what is happening in his life without framing the moment with past experiences and assumptions/predictions. Then, if you see an opportunity for him to take a chance with good odds, kindly nudge him.

Say something like, “Hey, you’d be good at that. Why don’t you give that a try?” And, leave it at that. Or, provide the tools/supplies without any pressure to use them. [If you must, try a little negotiation. Say you’ll do ____ for him if he does ____ for you (for himself). And, don’t cave if he resists. But, don’t deprive him of necessities, either. Don’t take away his ability to connect with friends, regardless what he has done (and not from what he MIGHT do).] If he turns away from the challenge, don’t fight his decision. [However, if his life takes any scarier turns, if he withdraws so much from interaction, chores and challenges that his life seems in jeopardy, other action will become necessary.]

———

The first line of your letter that jumped out at me was where you mentioned your son being nervous and not wanting to be there. [Actually, the first was his saving grace, his sense of humor. I seem to have survived this long with that little life preserver, myself.] While nerves and refusal may be signs of weakness one could halt by pushing the weakling into the fray of battle, it might also have been an area of achievement he had little interest in pursuing. And, pressure to do something we do not instinctively favor could be unnecessary pressure, like peer pressure. Just because our peers tell us we’re uncool for not doing what they do; that doesn’t mean we can’t choose to do things differently.

Some adults might recall being kids pushed to take up musical instruments but, later, giving up these lessons to take up medical or financial jobs. They might look back and question their parents’ pressure to take interest. [Or, if they are so fortunate, the former kids might integrate those lessons into adult life and be some amazingly, envy-worthy, diverse people.]

[I personally was adept at math because I had a brain apparently gifted at absorbing equations. But, would I pursue math contests? No way. Too boring. I’m a creative spirit. There is no creativity in math, other than creating problems and, later, solutions. I don’t mind problem-solving. But, I guess I have little to no interest into imagining problems in terms of numbers and variables. My mind is more geared toward seeing social, arrangement/composition or regulation problems around me and figuring out solutions.]

One other thing about your letter that sticks in my mind: You briefly mention the husband being socially anxious and an under-achiever who struggles to get jobs. Yet, you love this guy; you married this guy, right? [That may be a tiny weight off my shoulders, an ounce of hope.] But, how much do you love him? And, could it be your marriage is merely another challenging opportunity you took upon yourself? Did you enter this family structure like a school contest, hoping to work your way up the ranks from district to state, mold the members like clay sculptures until they won the blue ribbon at the county fair? In other words, do you love your husband (and your son) for who he is, for being part of your life? Or, do you see them as works in progress you just haven’t been able to fully improve to the best of your ability, yet?

What would you say or have done had your husband not “inherited” any money? Would that have any impact on you marrying him? Was the money or family status a push toward the thought of a stable future/home?

I wonder, how does your husband feel about you (and the kid/s)? Do you have more than one child? That too could be a big factor in this pressure-to-achieve situation. For instance, how does this son get along with his siblings? How “successful” or “driven” are they? Might this son feel pressured to be like them when he is not?

[I knew a few “only childs” and saw how their parents treated them like pet projects, like singular rockets filled with hopes of greater success than any family of six or more could achieve.]

How would the husband feel being labeled an underachiever? Does he accept this like a healthy bowl of bran cereal to stabilize his diet? Is he comfortable not doing as much as some, accepting that some people are tortoises while others are hares? Or, do the words cut a little deep, leave him a little less eager to try?

———
Here comes some more advising verbiage. Again, breeze past it if you’d rather read more unique material.

At twelve, your son is at a crucial time of development, sure. [Heck, every year between birth and whatever number you want to use for labeling adulthood is crucial.] And, you could fortify this by giving him a swift kick into some regimen like boarding school or a “balanced diet,” and trust this will keep his back straight, his shoulders back and his elbows off the table. But, what is more important is a trusted family member fortifying him with experiences, both good and bad.

He needs to be free to try things, learn how to do them both your way and his own way and experience failure to learn from his mistakes. You’ve probably heard similar advice elsewhere. It just might not have stuck with you or found purpose. Well, I’d say the purpose has been found. It’s your son. And, he needs his mother to still catch him when he falls but to let him fall, as well, and learn what comes with failure, including the steps to recovery.

A parent who is driven by only success and grabbing every opportunity might not be relaxed enough to say, “It’s okay if I don’t have any interest in ___. Maybe I’ll give it a try; and, if I don’t like it, that’s fine. I’ll do better at something else.” You might get upset if you take on a crossword puzzle and leave half of it blank. You might cut interests out of your life because you did not excel at them. Or, you might think you have to be good at everything.

———

Which brings me back to the father in the picture. What’s his input with the son? How does he nurture the boy? Is his method annoying to you? If you answer the last question with some form of “yes,” that says plenty. Maybe a lack of desire to compete and excel could be directly or subtly linked to an unhappy union in which two committed lovers–role models for the boy–are anything but encouraging images at the finish line. The boy might not want to complete the race because the prize at the end of the road is not worth his time/energy. [Or, maybe, it’s not you he’s looking at but other families falling apart.]

———
One last push to sound competent and professional. These moments just pour out of me like a leaky boat. It’s the chatty therapist in me.

Get to know your son and his interests. [If at seventeen he still likes the cartoons he watched at five or keeps a stuffed animal on his bed, don’t harp on that being a bad thing.] Let him decide when it’s time to keep or part with something. Don’t assume his decisions or ways are bad ones. Teach your son how to pick himself up and try, again. Don’t insist he must continue or be smarter or more successful than he feels fit/able. Or, live with the possible failure of staying connected with your son; accept that he will likely cut ties with you or resent you if you push too hard or fail to fill in other gaps.

You can’t guarantee success no matter what method you try. You, too, must be able to cope with “failure” and still find happiness, contentment. Otherwise, this life is a miserable one.

———

Phew! And, breathe. [This is just the tip of the emotional iceberg for me.] If you manage to find my lengthy thought process here and wish to continue, feel free to contact me.




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