Posts Tagged ‘protection

14
Feb
18

Happy Year of the Earth Dog 2018/4718

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Friday, February 16, 2018 (4718) is the beginning of the Chinese New Year, the year of the (brown/black) Earth Dog.  [I’m just letting you know (in advance).]  What does that have to do with the price of tea in China, you ask?  I’m not sure.

But, it’s a good year for both building up investments and security and, if you have faith, feeling secure (provided your honest and a dog’s friend).  Put more money into retirement savings.  Cash in on stocks.  Buy or sell property.  Enjoy the fruits of interest/dividends.

If you own a dog, treat him or her right.  Don’t neglect the dog.  Don’t send your dog away.  But, don’t spoil the dog, either.  Healthy care is a healthy investment in your four-legged friend (or three-legged if the poor thing lost one).

The Dog guards against the vices of the world.  It has no tolerance for thieves, doubt, greed and/or any behavior that causes division (such as racism or sexism).  Thus this is a year you’ll see plenty come to justice for misdeeds.

And, this is a time to spread good will, share the wealth/crops and, if you’re good boys and girls, receive some from others.  Don’t forget to give thanks to any kindness you receive.  [I am also not sure what makes this different from other years.  Every year, it would not be a bad idea to be kind to others.  However, it would be wise to not give more of yourself than is sensible.  Do not leave yourself at risk of exhaustion or going broke.  DO NOT GAMBLE.]

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14
Jul
14

You Need to Get Lathed!

Have I told you the intense thrill I get from working with wood? I’m not talking about some run-of-the-mill joy you get from completing that dusty spice rack or bookshelf for your friend or family member. This thrill goes deeper than any man’s “lower appendage” can reach in the deepest of “woman wells.”

Yes. That’s right. If you know anything of sexual intercourse, you know the language I am speaking. You also know some version of the feeling. But, if I am not using the infamous tool of innuendo, am I seriously comparing “hot sex” to carpentry?

I am. There’s just one problem. Well, there’s more than one. But, I’m only focusing on one at the moment because more would probably blow both our “computer laundered” minds. [You know, how some articles of clothing get shrunk in the wash. There ya go. You got it. Right?] If I am not careful, my crafting could result in the creation of a birdhouse. I know it might sound crazy, but it’s true. I put myself to work for the thrill of it, and, suddenly, I’m staring at a birdhouse. But, I don’t want this.

If you ask me, there are already way too many birdhouses out there in the world. Heck. Birds are quite capable themselves of making nests in all sorts of places. Why do we need more?

So, to prevent this, I must wear special protection. And, if I share my skills with any women in this world, it seems vital that they too use protection lest they end up with a birdhouse they cannot fully enjoy. Unfortunately, the female version risks the function of internal organs with the potential for side effects spanning a lifetime. Luckily, more women than men seem content with finding a place in their lives for my unwanted sparrow shacks. I guess the risk of their lives seems less threatening than the loss/destruction of a birdhouse.

Knowing that protection was created by someone no more capable of invention than myself, it’s flawed at best. And, when the flaw reveals itself, guess what? You got it. I’m staring at yet another unwanted, unintended pigeon poop coop. These things are eating up my resources, including living space, and they’re starting to get on my nerves. But, I can’t give up the pursuit of that singular thrill. Can I?

If you’re tuning out or thinking I’m some sex-starved fool, dude (or dudette), you need to get lathed. Or, in other words, go file, drill, wrench, plumb, jack, plunger, pump, punch and/or hammer yourself. All it takes is for the fire of trending to spark a revolution.

If you’re going to get your hands dirty, do it without affecting the lives of others or be prepared for a surplus (or shortage) of robin roosts. Give a hoot; don’t contribute to the plagues of all mankind. Labor responsibly.

[In all seriousness as an artist, I prefer to work with pencil/pen and paper or clay, myself. But, to each their own.]




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