Posts Tagged ‘lie

09
Feb
17

My Response to “Needs Help Fast” (Dear Abby)

*****

You can find my response to this and other letters, now available for your viewing and opinion, on the designated page

But, while you’re here, have a read.

Needs Help Fast is a 50 year-old virgin man dating a 28 year-old woman (who he calls a “girl). He lied to her about his “size” while dating her for a year. Now, they are talking about “having relations,” and he doesn’t know what to do.

Abby suggests telling fairy tales to warm up to the truth. I need to blow off a little steam and ask a few more huge questions, myself, because this seems like a misplaced letter.

————–

Needs, seriously? You are 50 years-young asking a total stranger–but not just any total stranger–how to come clean about exaggerating your manhood with a GROWN WOMAN (not a girl)? Of all people, you come to Dear Abby with this question?

I’m going to throw this out there as a possibility. Are you lying in more way than one? Could it be you are NOT as old as you say you are? Could it be this 28 year-old “girl” is really a girl and not even close to 28 yet? Could it be you are fooling around with a minor?

Could it be the only facts you included were being a virgin and lying about your size? Cuz I am detecting some falsehood. That or I go back to my first statement and question why you are asking Abby this question instead of someone you know better, like another man who could be considered a friend or trusted family member. If you have none of those, I feel your pain.

I would presume your concern and your need to lie to her comes from her being “more experienced in that area.” Did you avoid mentioning your virgin status to her, as well? Or, could it be your status actually turned her on? [Some women seem to thrive on finding virgins and “taking their cards” to maximize the “exploding growth” experience. It’s similar to men in their late teens and early twenties seeking out virgin girls just to rack up numbers and/or enjoy the pains inflicted on many girls their first time.]

Abby gave you the only answer she probably could, the simplest answer given to most people afraid to say something. SAY SOMETHING. Talk to your partner. The longer you wait to spill the beans, the worse you’re going to feel. And, you ought to know yourself, a relationship built on a lie is doomed to fail.

You’re terrified she will dump you once she knows the hidden truth. If there’s any legitimate reason for this fear–if sexual geometry is such a factor with her–then she is not worth your “card.” For whatever reason, if you ARE a 50 year-old virgin, you earned your status. Don’t take chances with someone who’s going to judge or dismiss you because of your “size.” But, if you must feel/be humiliated, do so verbally versus waiting until you share a bed.

Is there something about her that is too small for you? How do you think she would feel if you found/mentioned something lacking about her?

All good questions not being asked/addressed. If you are able to read everything I have to say and not withdraw in discomfort, you’re ready to tell her the truth.

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28
Jul
14

The AMAZING Lies

 

 

And now, back to Late Night with Writingbolt!

Alright. Welcome back. My first guest tonight is a stellar performer known for his work in YADA and YADA. Here to discuss his latest epic about NADA which hits theaters this weekend. Please welcome…

 

 

Have you ever watched a “talk” or “entertainment”/”tabloid” show just to see some celebrity interview and hear what they have to say about their latest movie, TV show or theater project? And, have you ever counted the number of times their eyes go blank as the word “amazing” slips from their parched lips?

I once saw a theater trivia slide (those image stills you might see before the trailers and unrelated ads begin rolling across the screen) which mentioned the use of a certain word in “the business” to loosen lips before reciting lines. [I think it was rhubarb.] If I listen to my conspiracy theory inner voice, I’d presume “amazing” was code for something entirely different. And, maybe…just maybe…the varying inflection of actors’ voices indicates a change in the translation. Maybe a swift, shrill “amazing” means the host should move quickly to the next question. And, maybe, a lower, softer, drawn-out “amazing” means: “I’m still regretting submitting myself to this filthy money train and can’t wait til these interviews finally end and I can (insert your costly therapy of choice).” Surely, an “amazing” uttered with a cough and/or a scratch of the cheek means something negative is lurking under the actor’s or actress’ fingernails. In any case, it’s yet another load of televised crap that I am personally tired of witnessing.

[Of course, I could just stop watching like some people. But, how then would I learn what Gretta Somebody’s favorite flower is so I can buy stock in the plant before stalking my way to her back doorstep? I’m kidding. Or, AM I?!]

DID you enjoy working with that director who likes explosions in every one of his dumb films though they risk your very life in the pursuit of box office records? Or, are you still seeing stars from the flames and waiting for your ears to stop ringing?

Did you REALLY like every member of the cast you worked with? Or, did someone make your four months on and/or off set so miserable that you considered making a dangerous cocktail of sleeping pills and vodka? Maybe you’d like to get that weight off your chest before your therapist puts you on some dangerous medication or your arm no longer has room for one more rubber band.

Did you REALLY enjoy going on a strict diet and having your body put through a Play-Doh fun factory just to fit the shape the casting director/s wanted? Do you REALLY like risking your health by changing your appearance, including your weight/body mass, every time you take a new role? Or, would you rather play parts that take you as you are and spare the plastic surgery (though you may have to work on using different vocal tones and personalities that are not your own)? [In other words, you pretend to be someone else and wear a costume if necessary. And, casting directors either search farther than their noses for actors to fit the parts or cut those available some physical slack. But, you’re free to eat and drink whatever you please and skip the countless trips to the therapist and/or personal trainer squad.]

If you’re willing to hear my advice, anyone who feels the need to use the word “amazing” or any of its regret-masking cousins should turn to the one giving the interview and say, “I’m not going to answer that at this time.” Or, here’s a refreshing idea. Be honest.

But, I suppose, that’s too dangerous and difficult, considering nothing negative can be said without creating foul gossip/business. [Of course, bad news in your local area and current events around the world is an exception to this rule. You don’t see weather reporters putting “amazing” spins on severe storms destroying neighborhoods. Well, you might. But, that just means the reporter is really due for a vacation because he or she has been locked away in a room of computer monitors and radar equipment far too long.] Why waste the viewers’ time with fabricated information? And, why make those participating in the project wax over the truth in interview after interview after interview after…

You want people to tune in? Stop making ME tune out! Or, here’s a novel notion. Skip the discussion of the process, fill in the gaps with more relatable personal topics and then get right to the film clip.




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