Posts Tagged ‘invention

06
Nov
18

Look at All of My New Apps!

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Just look at all of them! I’m such a genius…and sure to be rich ever so soon! Patent pending, patent pending…pat-ent PEN-DING! Hands off. But, seriously, check these out. “I made that!”

SODL:   That’s where you go to sell horses…if you’re so rich and capable of owning some. You’ve never heard of putting a soddle on a horse? 😛

SNAKC:   That’s my Kansas City, Missouri-based company that ships snacks via drone so you don’t have to get up off your fat ass to fetch any food.

DRNKC:   And, that’s the partner company that supplies drinks to go with the snacks you’re too lazy to fetch.

CLOK:   That audibly tells you the time of day from whatever city you mention; you know, in case you’re too lazy to use fingers or look at a clock.

ISOR:   That’s an AI doctor you consult when you have a problem with your eyes, especially when you ought to know you’ve been looking at tiny radioactive screens too long.

CABL:   That’s where you go if you need to order twine, rope or wire; ya know, if you decide to hang yourself after too many hours of submitting to “the machine.”

CAKL:   That’s where you go if you need a laugh after tapping into so many upsetting stories because you just can’t stop the “feed-ing.”

ALYEN:   That’s a Japan-based banking app/company for beings from other planets that just happen to be visiting our world in secrecy. Shh!

PAYNT:   That’s not an app for ordering latex semi-gloss. It’s a financial service that helps you pay for things later, rather than now when you’re too busy shopping without actually interacting with anyone face-to-face. Their motto: PAY NEXT TIME.

FLUTR:   That’s an AI dating consultant that helps you decide how you feel about someone who gives you the “butterflies.”

SWIPHT:   That’s a quick pH tester for when you’re concerned about the condition of your drinking and/or swimming/bathing water; ya know, when those responsible for treating water are too preoccupied with modern technology conveniences to care.
Call 1-800-QUE-DUCT AQUEDUCT ROUTER!

[Wait.  That actually became a clickable link thing?  If you click that; you’re just dumb.  I’m leaving it there just to see how dumb people will be…ya know, without actually witnessing it.]

FITE:   That’s an app for reporting a violent scene to the proper authorities; in other words, a fight. Ya know, when restless leg syndrome from too many hours indoors on someone’s butt and/or with your face glued to a radioactive screen drives them mad with rage.

FIEV:   That’s an app for a virtual high-five; ya know, when you’re too anti-social or “introverted” to find someone willing to join hands over your head.

BRANDE:   No; it’s not an internet tavern. That’s a shopping app that helps you find online alternatives to actual brand-name items so you don’t have to be consumed by impulse shopping. You might confuse this will a little Nintendo 3DS game called Animal Crossing: New Leaf, in which you can acquire plenty of useless items over days of gameplay and fill a limited space with them, imagining what they’d really do if you had the real things.

Yay! So many poorly spelled words used as excuses for productive workplaces that benefit humankind and/or the planet! Pass me a coffee mug, Flo. I’m feeling progressive.

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14
Jul
14

The Next Time You Feel the Need to Ask, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…,”

…hold your tongue and consider the possible consequences/misuse of that thought. You’re as likely to contribute to crime and horrific punishment as you are to creating something new and exciting.

14
Jul
14

Peter Parker Might Be the Poster Boy for Using Power with Responsibility…

…but even he can succumb to the temptation of ego.

 

 

A common theme in superhero movies these days is the “weaponizing”

of invention. Someone designs a suit of armor, a replacement body part

or an energy potion, and someone else strives to snatch every trace or

copy the blueprints to wage war on some group, company or nation

with new ammo/power. It’s not just fiction. That fiction came from the

same species capable of creating the madness and/or destruction. When

do we reign in our potential and use our power wisely?

 

 

We can do better.

14
Jul
14

If Humans are Dr. Frankenstein…

…The internet and all the gadgets wired to obey it’s every command are the latest monster.

14
Jul
14

Creation Is Like a Bowl of Cherries

The beauty and sweetness of the fruit lasts only so long before the rotting begins. With good intentions often–if not always–come(s) horrible misuse and/or abuse.

After going on some great trip or winning some contest, have you ever met someone who wanted you to share the rewards (photos, souvenirs, a sample/taste if food is involved, etc.) sooner than you felt comfortable/willing? You might tell them to wait or–if you have no qualms about your friends/family turning on you–deny them their desired share until you decide how much you want to give and when. Now, you have the “freedom” to put it all out there for all to see (including some you don’t want to see). You tell yourself this will relieve the pressure of nagging hands/eyes and keep those you care about connected. But, what is everyone you don’t personally know doing with the same bounty of information? While you think the farm is free, you don’t own the land. And, any fence you might put up is only as good as its designer. Only the designer can put up a fence no one else can bypass (until someone figures out how to do just that).

If I’ve learned one thing about life from my exposure to the age of the internet (and all of its minions), it’s that just about anything (or everything?) that starts out as a good thing gets abused/misused until tabloids and TV anchors can’t get enough bad news out to the masses. [Whether the bad news is genuine or just hype to stir paranoia in the interest of consumption…is always a good question.]

The second thing I’ve learned is that no story or truth is as valid and worth hearing as the one from the source itself. Anything else is likely tainted with suspicion and/or foul intent. Yet, it’s difficult to reach/hear/see the truth when there are so many riled voices clamoring at once.

And, before there ever was an internet, I learned advertised reputations and all of the lovely things people stamp on the backs of covers (for example) in favor of the creator(s) are often wrong.

But, let’s get back to the matter of misusing what is intended to be an improvement. It’s like indulging in some form of food or drink–which initially tastes good–and then vomiting the inevitably foul bi-product or result of such action. [If you’ve ever had a hangover or found yourself with your face in a toilet bowl after consuming more alcohol than your weak stomach could handle, you get the drift.] If word gets out, if something becomes a fad/trend, it seems there’s almost always a chance it will carry trouble in its wake.

So, while the internet gives seemingly boundless freedom and inspiration to the billions on this planet (those who have access, anyway) to create to their heart’s content with the hopes of becoming a wealthy star (pending management by some foreign agent who will gladly take a cut of the profits for sitting within some proximity of you), this is reckless action bound to benefit a greedy, manipulative few rather than satisfy and improve the world. The “farmers” just made it easier for the “crops” to come to them with less labor. And, in the process, the masses risk losing their health, wealth and dignity/privacy…basically, their freedom (of life as it is granted either naturally or by a higher power). The old ways of abusing power simply have found a new mask to wear.




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