Posts Tagged ‘infomercial

30
Dec
15

Get Your SCARESNOW Today!

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The following is a paid advertisement provided by Writingbolt International.

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[In a normal American suburb, average schmo Pete smells something amiss while gray clouds move into the neighborhood one bitter winter afternoon.]

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Pete:  Hey!  Something’s burning!

[Pete runs down the street to his neighbor Jim’s house where what looks like a scarecrow has been set on fire.  Jim stands nearby with a can of gasoline and a fireplace wand.] 

Pete:  What do you call that thing, Jim? 

Jim:  Hey, Pete!  It’s my SCARESNOW!

Pete:  Your SCARESNOW? 

Jim:  Yeah!  Cuz I don’t want to see ANY of that white sh@! on the ground this year!

Pete:  Sounds good!  Where can I get one of those?

 

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Order now!  Writingbolt endorses but does not yet manufacture this product.  Supplies are limited and completely fictional.  Patent pending.

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30
Dec
15

I Love My Pill TV…NOT!

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If you live in the USA and are without cable TV, you might develop a case of BMO, bad medicine overload. Please continue to process the following statement while I flash a variety of unrelated happy images across the screen.

-Bad medicine overload strikes five out of five Americans who do not skip or are unable to flip channels when commercials for hazardous drugs prescribed by professionals begin.

-Bad medicine overload strikes these folks every five to seven minutes when a new commercial break is taken.

-Doctors who are not really doctors recommend hitting the Mute button when a commercial break starts to prevent such side-effects as: brain melt, loss of hearing, loss of sanity, coma of the eyes, paralysis of the bladder, raging mouth diarrhea and possibly death.

-If you or someone you know is struck with a case of BMO, don’t call your doctor. Turn off the TV, step outside and get some fresh air. Rekindle an old hobby. Put on some inspirational music. Pull the plug. Or, if necessary, dispose of the TV and never look at a newspaper advertisement or magazine, again. If you can do none of these, seek help from a friend, not a diploma or license to practice medicine/therapy.

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