Posts Tagged ‘humor

16
Nov
18

Rattle and Hum, a Taylor-Made Gift Idea

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I’m getting you ready for the “holiday” otherwise known as Christmas with my own sure-to-be-a-commercial-hit gift idea, Rattle and Hum magazine, a personal creation composed relatively briskly on a whim.  Can’t get enough Taylor Swift?  Well, now you can purchase 12 months of Rattle and Hum and relish in our mixture of fantasy tales, recipes, costume parties, music, tips of all kinds and more.

Check out these cover designs for the 2019 subscription.   [Any repetition you notice is why this was created relatively quickly.]

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Why Rattle and Hum?  Well, if you must know, it’s a blend of astrology, music and just the general feeling I have about what could be between her and I, if we put our heads together and made “beautiful music.”  🙂

So, who will be our first customer?

[Clever inclusions on the covers.  Right?  Tell me you notice these things.]

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06
Nov
18

Look at All of My New Apps!

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Just look at all of them! I’m such a genius…and sure to be rich ever so soon! Patent pending, patent pending…pat-ent PEN-DING! Hands off. But, seriously, check these out. “I made that!”

SODL:   That’s where you go to sell horses…if you’re so rich and capable of owning some. You’ve never heard of putting a soddle on a horse? 😛

SNAKC:   That’s my Kansas City, Missouri-based company that ships snacks via drone so you don’t have to get up off your fat ass to fetch any food.

DRNKC:   And, that’s the partner company that supplies drinks to go with the snacks you’re too lazy to fetch.

CLOK:   That audibly tells you the time of day from whatever city you mention; you know, in case you’re too lazy to use fingers or look at a clock.

ISOR:   That’s an AI doctor you consult when you have a problem with your eyes, especially when you ought to know you’ve been looking at tiny radioactive screens too long.

CABL:   That’s where you go if you need to order twine, rope or wire; ya know, if you decide to hang yourself after too many hours of submitting to “the machine.”

CAKL:   That’s where you go if you need a laugh after tapping into so many upsetting stories because you just can’t stop the “feed-ing.”

ALYEN:   That’s a Japan-based banking app/company for beings from other planets that just happen to be visiting our world in secrecy. Shh!

PAYNT:   That’s not an app for ordering latex semi-gloss. It’s a financial service that helps you pay for things later, rather than now when you’re too busy shopping without actually interacting with anyone face-to-face. Their motto: PAY NEXT TIME.

FLUTR:   That’s an AI dating consultant that helps you decide how you feel about someone who gives you the “butterflies.”

SWIPHT:   That’s a quick pH tester for when you’re concerned about the condition of your drinking and/or swimming/bathing water; ya know, when those responsible for treating water are too preoccupied with modern technology conveniences to care.
Call 1-800-QUE-DUCT AQUEDUCT ROUTER!

[Wait.  That actually became a clickable link thing?  If you click that; you’re just dumb.  I’m leaving it there just to see how dumb people will be…ya know, without actually witnessing it.]

FITE:   That’s an app for reporting a violent scene to the proper authorities; in other words, a fight. Ya know, when restless leg syndrome from too many hours indoors on someone’s butt and/or with your face glued to a radioactive screen drives them mad with rage.

FIEV:   That’s an app for a virtual high-five; ya know, when you’re too anti-social or “introverted” to find someone willing to join hands over your head.

BRANDE:   No; it’s not an internet tavern. That’s a shopping app that helps you find online alternatives to actual brand-name items so you don’t have to be consumed by impulse shopping. You might confuse this will a little Nintendo 3DS game called Animal Crossing: New Leaf, in which you can acquire plenty of useless items over days of gameplay and fill a limited space with them, imagining what they’d really do if you had the real things.

Yay! So many poorly spelled words used as excuses for productive workplaces that benefit humankind and/or the planet! Pass me a coffee mug, Flo. I’m feeling progressive.

31
Oct
18

Taylor’d Treats for the Holidays

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Happy Halloween…or, just “Costume Day” as I tend to call it, in case Halloween bothers anyone with thoughts of dark practices, magic, etc.

For those who don’t yet know, I have a closet? fascination with the lovely Taylor Alison Swift which cannot adequately be explained; she simply exudes a certain aura which is both enchanting and occasionally concerning/bothersome (usually the latter when she’s seen with a guy I don’t care for and/or putting out another eerily bitter relationship-ish song).  But, ever since I first heard Love Story and learned of her writing something called The Monster in My Closet, I’ve been feeling this “tug” in her direction.  If she ever decides to commit to someone (other than myself), obviously, I’ll just have to box these feelings and move on (as I’ve been forced to do with other alluring stars and forces of humanitarian causes still honing their greatness…and some not doing much of anything great yet retaining perpetual, haunting beauty).

Now then…

In recent weeks, I’ve been crafting some “likenesses” of the graceful blonde songstress (when the muse strikes).  And, I’ll likely be sharing samplings of them here.  [I recently discovered a feature of my new PC art program which gave me some unexpected options that strangely had me seeing TS in them…and ran with the idea.]

As it is Halloween day, and at least one of the projects resulted in putting cat ears on her; I thought I’d try uploading a very brief video (or two).  Buuut, since I don’t have a “premium residence” here (and I don’t feel like paying in hopes of  a certain desired amount of attention only to get a certain amount of unwanted abuse and/or attention because I cannot control viewing), I guess that won’t be happening.  So…

Here are the short comics/stories told in stills (pictures).

 

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And, here is a sampling of alternative stills related to this effort.  [But, you miss quite a bit of the fun I had with 3D video effects and music.  Oh well.]  As I looked at the image with cat ears, I thought about the “beckoning cat” (maneki-neko) story/stories and related images/concepts like Meowth from Pokémon; so I posed Tay like that cat but holding a teabag as well as beckoning someone to share a warm beverage with her.  Similarly, putting a RED bow on her head had me thinking about Alice in Wonderland; and, considering Tay’s middle name, it just clicked together.  Do you find the use of “windows” as amusing as I do?  [If that just went over your head, consult the computer screens in the gallery below.]

So, there’s just a taste of what my crazily crafting mind invented.  And, if anyone is interested in seeing the little video-comics, let me know (how to send them to you), especially the lovely Taylor Alison Swift, herself, if *you* happen to see this.

More to come.

Oh, heck.  Just one more, for now.

If she ever hosted a 70s-style talk show (ala Merv Griffin)…..

TASwift-70sstyle-talk-varietyshow-sign-trio-smiling-faces-varioushairstyles_color-silhouettes-ap-24001450-1J

 

 

 

 

14
Jun
18

Happy Fathers Day, June 17th

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‘Not sure why, but when I saw this picture in a recent viewing, Fathers Day came to mind.  It’s the new father receiving shocking word of his partner’s pregnancy.

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On another personal note, I cannot say I will ever have the chance to be the father on such a day.  There will be no grills or cars with bows on them waiting for me.  No cookouts in my honor, most likely.  Nor do I take much pleasure in doing anything special on this holiday.  I feel more sorry for my father than I care to celebrate him.

And, what he wants from me this weekend is outside my comfort zone.  As much as I want to be the good son and do as he wishes, I feel a little selfish yet deserving of being that way after my experiences, not feeling like going out of my way this year to make him happy.  But, I won’t be disrespectful or start any fights, either.  Call it a peaceful distance if need be.  Peace is better than conflict or tension.

 

18
May
18

Friend-Less, the Solution to “Icky Drama”

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[The setting: Woman-A meets with her friend, Woman-B at a cafe for lunch. They start talking and eventually reach a disagreement which gives Woman-A a bad case of indigestion and gas (because her emotions are tied to her digestive system). Woman-B decides to use the Ladies’ Room while Woman A maintains her distance and hopes no one complains about her flatulence. A female stranger, Woman-C, notices the discomfort of Woman-A and joins her.]

Woman C: Is your friend giving you digestive problems?

Woman A: Urp! *sigh* …Yeah.

Woman C: Then you need Friend-Less. She’s 100% human but without the complicated emotional upsets. You’ll never have to endure a conflict of interests, again!

Woman A: Sounds *B-Lurp!* great. Where can I find…uh, her?

 

[You won’t find Friend-Less in any restaurant, workplace, club, yoga class, pharmacy or department store. Science hasn’t worked out all the bugs on this one, yet. And, even if someone did, it would be a crime against nature (unless a higher power chose a lack of emotional upsets as a step in evolution, as an adaptation). ‘Sort of like any food/drink that has been tampered with to boast a lack of side effects. It’s NOT 100% anything except guaranteed to be manipulated.]

26
Apr
18

Office Chat Comics

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*OfficeChat-comicpage-hatmalfunction_ap-CSSP-11501400-2

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As usual with picking names, I couldn’t settle in on just one.  Which do you prefer for the name of the female assistant with long hair adorned by a flower and the steaming mug?

16
Jan
18

Conversation Heart Conversations 2018

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Okay.  Last year, I was intending on producing a bunch of these little jokes between those conversation heart candies, if they were actual couples in bed having a heart-to-heart talk, whether it was silly or serious.  I didn’t quite get them out here…or maybe I did and took them down because I was in a foul mood.  Who knows.  But, I’m putting them up, now, giving viewers plenty of time to consider and pass them around before the romantic holiday(s) arrive (at least, the ones I know exist).  And, I’m curious to hear your input.  After the bedroom scenes, there will be some other photo-edited pieces with the same candy heart characters.

 




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