Posts Tagged ‘healing

08
May
18

F-Book Stalking and Reliving Old Wounds

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So, it’s like this.  I don’t use the site/service I prefer to call F-Book.  You know what I mean.  The place you profile people, poke them, stalk feeds, etc.  I’ve heard enough agonizing, annoying stories about the place.  So, I keep my distance.  And, for the most part, so does my family.  Yet, there are those who find their reasons and do all…that.  They may not have their own “page,” but they’ll still dig into the pages of others, of people they used to know just to see where they are now.  And, if people actually thought to look for me?  Well, too bad, so sad, you won’t find me there.

My sister decides to show me pictures of people we used to know when we were kids.  If these are former classmates of hers, I’m okay with it.  But, I still think it’s wrong if she’s not actually reaching out to these people.  That’s just stalking…or ghosting.

But, when she shows me people I shared a class with…people I used to think of as love interests and/or friends…people I lost touch with…who have now moved on, married, had kids…….

It’s like I’ve been in prison all this time.  It’s like I missed out on life.  It’s like I’ve lost them all over again and multiple ways.  It’s hard to just brush it off and say I’m not bothered or discouraged.  I’ll likely need time away from seeing more of…that…to forget about it, as aging is likely to afford.

In  a very small way, I suppose I should be happy these people, at least, appear happy.  And, the girl I thought I’d eventually marry…at least she has a kid with a name I would have agreed to give the child.

I don’t know which is worse.  Or, I do and don’t want to admit it.  If I had done the searching, I might find myself wanting to get lost in a bottle of booze I dare not touch.  But, I didn’t open the box.  My sister did.

…..

How much can one guy like me take?

I just needed to vent, to process this a bit and now have to let it all go.  So many falling stars.  So many beauties I’ve come to adore running off with other men.  I’m just too slow.  It’s my fault.  But, I’m better off not letting them get to me.  Let them go.  And, where I fall I fall.  Just tune out what I cannot hold or control.  Wait for my moment.  My moment will come.  Or, I’ll die a hermit in good service.  I’ll be like a monk or prophet.

 

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05
Nov
15

Writingbolt down!…again!

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Who knows how to check the condition of and stabilize/immobilize a big toe?

I reaaaaally don’t want to see a doctor this week…or in the near future.  I was just getting used to my robotic arm.

Short story even shorter, I was chasing a nephew who was misbehaving outdoors, and I stumbled down a driveway like Humpty Dumpty or Jack sans Jill.  I didn’t break my crown.  But, my one big toe hurts on the side that touches the other toe when it moves.  It flexes okay…not perfectly.  Of course, it could be in shock.  I don’t detect any broken bones.  Just pain.  No swelling.  No blood or bruising.

On top of that, I skinned both knees reaaaal good, tore holes in my pants and gave my nephew a nice scrape on his forehead.  And, then I get the endless guilt trip from family.  Yea, that’s helping me stick with this babysitting job.  Don’t worry about my condition; I’ll just walk it off til I am doing cartwheels.

So….great day so far.  Yep.

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Update:  Toes are in homemade pine coffins.  Thursday evening, I found a nice one-inch purple bruise beneath the nail of the big toe.  It looked like a strip of tape.  I will put up with my toes stinking and bathe the hospital safety way for at least a few days.

Knees are stiff from scabbing and complex bandages…but functioning.

And, WHY are random strangers LIKE-ing and FOLLOW-ing this post but saying nothing?  Two days later, and not a single bit of advice other than not waiting too long to see a doctor.  Nice.  Take plenty of pictures, they will last as long as everything else posted on “the cloud.”  [Speaking of photos, I did take some of my nasty feet.  But, I will not be sharing them.]

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Update 11-13-2015:  Right knee seems fine aside from small healing patch about the size of a quarter, a bit raw from occasionally resting on knee while babysitting.  Left knee appears to be sticking to the bandage, again. I trust the scab and bandage will both loosen up together…or I’ll have to do some tear and repair work on that one (eek).

I took the “coffin” off the big toe.  I am not sure if my left foot always was, but it seems a quarter inch wider than the right one.  There is a thin line of red/blue bruising below the big toe nail and a “blobbish” blue/purple bruise along the right side of the toe about 1 1/2 inches long and 1/8 inch wide.  Flexing seems improved.  The only pain I experience is when I twist or bend the toe to one side.  [Could there still be a hairline fracture or nerve soreness/damage?]

So, it’s only been one week.  I am putting the “coffin” back on and resuming restricted movement during the days I am out and about/working.




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