Posts Tagged ‘draw

06
May
14

Talking with a Smoker

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There’s something relentlessly unnerving about talking with anyone who (still) smokes, especially when being (a non-smoker) with them (outdoors) while they are smoking. Some might control their need/habit/fix better than others. Some try their best to respect you if the smoke is a (health) problem. But, in my experience, most smokers cannot survive the full extent of an intense, serious chat without that impulse to “light up” crossing their mind and, eventually, forcing their hand. Thus, it makes me continually uncomfortable being in their presence, fearing I will exhaust that short fuse.

Their defense systems have been worn down by addiction to the point that the slightest discomfort triggers a shortness of breath other people associate with general stress. What makes others want to punch someone or pause to take a deep breath (to avoid conflict) is enough for a smoker to go through a full pack. A minor tiff or disagreement…even a compliment, something positive…can tickle that nerve. [Which is how the concept of a cigarette after sex became popular. The emotional, mental and physical stimulation of sex is like a construction vehicle doing an arduous task. The arm moves its load, and the smokestack huffs dark exhaust fumes.] Try if you will to watch your words. But, I can’t fathom the safe route to spend a day with a smoker without them lighting up more often than they take a break to use a bathroom/restroom.

And, if any who read this just happen to be smokers (or drinkers) and get the impulse to light up, I cannot apologize enough to change your minds. It’s up to you and your support systems (if you have one) to control/stop yourselves.

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06
May
14

Drawing the Associate (Social) Circle

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Sources tell me (and anyone who reads or hears the same) to cut out the negatives in life and surround myself with positives (including supportive people). Fine. Let’s (start) work(ing) on that. So, I should draw a line between those things and people that “offend” me and those which “benefit” me. Who do I avoid? And, who do I associate with? [That’s the associate circle.]

Okay. Well, I don’t mean to question what the “author” views as simple or natural. [Why must I complicate these things?] But, what if that line gets a little fuzzy or out of whack because my judgement is skewed by emotion or mindset/mood? What if I declare someone negative simply because they “want you to eat your vegetables” or “grow up” when that’s possibly–if not precisely–what I need to do? What if I cross out or off something or someone that is a “virtue” and circle something or someone which/who is a “vice”?

At least, I have a conscience about this sort of thing. I don’t mean to judge…but some seem to be far more hasty in their judgements than I who they call a bad judge when I decide I don’t like something. They will “dismiss” someone for missing a phone call, filling out some paperwork wrong, turning down a lunch invitation, etc. One mistake, and they’re done. Or, they keep bouncing back together but never really become content with the relationship/friendship. I have a right to have my opinion and share it. [Don’t I?] I know I could be less blunt at times. But, I like what I like and dislike what I don’t. So does anyone. I also tend to give people more than one chance. But, I can understand how one’s “interactive calculator” can be impacted by a history of emotional scars (even if they seem minor to me). So, I give three chances, and Joe Shmoe gives one. That’s like a blue star or a red star. One’s just bigger and brighter/hotter than the other at this time.

So, here I sit once more debating what is positive/helpful and what is negative in my life. Is my family the nemesis I must defeat/ditch or just a group of difficult people I must work with (like it or not)? Am I mature or juvenile? Am I a man or more of a woman (in terms of yin and yang energies/genetics)? Am I being hasty or not moving fast enough? Am I not lowering my standards enough or too much already? Should I stick to finding what my “fickle” gut wants or settle for what appears less on the surface? Where do I draw that line?

 

Feel free to contribute your input on this. Do not be afraid. [I sure hope I don’t come off as intimidating.]

 

[I’ve probably mentioned this in previous log/blog entries. And, I’m sure to do it, again. I have read a few “self-help” books and continue to toss around their principles/lessons. And, I usually respond to the lessons by saying, “Easier said than done.”]




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