Posts Tagged ‘diet

03
Jan
20

Life Is Not Short, 1-3-2020

***

A rather common expression these days says life is short or even too short. I strongly disagree and get upset with anyone who says this. [So, if you happen to interact with me in person or online, please refrain from using this line.]

Life is–as I prefer to say–as long as it is granted to you, as long as the Fates allow.

You get what you get and really do not have any sensible, genuine idea how to prolong it, though certain lifestyle choices DO enhance the quality of life and may offer some minor extension…but there’s no proof. Surprises never cease, and those who think they are perfectly healthy can suffer some sudden shock to the system which blows the whole outlook.

So, don’t count…anything. Don’t count the days. Don’t count the calories. Don’t count the steps or miles you run every day; what are you? A hamster? Just live and do your best to let others live; be cooperative but not a doormat. And, if you find yourself in a position to dominate, don’t revel in it; don’t stomp on the competition. You could just as quickly be under the other foot when you foolishly overstep your bounds. And, you project a terrible example to others who could easily replace you.

I’ve recently been discussing the sensitive subject of drugs with my very little nephews. Their parents have “no time” to talk about such things. But, from my childhood experience, I know how little adults (in my family, anyway) make an effort to discuss serious topics and prepare kids for what’s ahead, rather than let some PSA or school program drill a single phrase and some silly video into their heads. I can still see the cartoon donkey telling me to avoid strangers, the YUCK face warning me about hazardous drug bottles and the owl advising me not to pollute. Ya know…those were all cute and fun in their prime. But, real kids either wise up fast or go a long time before something shocks the crap out of them. Guess which one I was? The kid who got the crap shocked out of him when “reality” presented itself. B-But, the school was exceptional with its education system!…or so reputation says. Whatever. Parents and other adults need to be the education system…and not scare the kids.

Just the other day, I tuned into a TV show about social animal species which gave considerable focus to dolphins, elephants and a few types of monkeys. I became irked every time the narrator said an insect’s brain was far too small to compete with that of a dolphin. Does anyone other than me grasp the concept of size being relative, the idea that the physical size of the creature does not determine its intellect? We already should know an ant can lift an incredible amount of weight; can it not be just as possible for an ant to have more intelligence than we currently possess?

What if even the creatures with a “hive mentality” simply devote their massive brain power to that collective instead of dividing their “gifts” on all sorts of meaningless economical concerns and mindless entertainment, as humans do? Maybe our measily ten percent of brain power would grow or achieve more if we were not so…distracted and divided. It would not surprise me if, years from now, we discover plants having brains and a language we simply did not notice…and countless vegans suddenly turn ill with guilt for consuming yet another intelligent life.

[We humans, as far as I know, are the only species to become conflicted with what seems to be primal nature. We are so withdrawn from nature that we are foolishly, blindly destroying it. The “perfume” is so thick, we can’t think clearly.]

As much as it agitated me to hear the repetitive talk about the sizes of brains, I was finding myself emotionally drawn to the elephants and dolphins. In a strange way, I envied their social structures. I wanted to embrace them and say, “Let’s go have fun, together. Let’s go have a picnic at the beach.” I felt the urge to book a trip to some far off place where I could ride an elephant or swim with a dolphin, become the creature’s friend and make sure they were treated properly. [I get very unfriendly when I see an animal mistreated by “the system.” I’m not the best zoo visitor and go crazy when I see so many scientists trying to use technology on other animals, hoping to make them more like humans or give up all their secrets to the insatiable probing of humankind.]

And then…I thought about going home, leaving those animals I just befriended…and how sad it would be, not knowing what became of them or having any say in it, really. I’d be lucky to get a letter from someone who knows the creature. [It’s not like my elephant pal Boris can keep in touch, himself. And, so far, even when people nod and tell me they will keep in touch, it rarely comes true, sort of like parents who promise to take you on some trip to give you a summer worth talking about with your peers or just to shut you up so you don’t drive them bonkers all year, trying to pass off a hamburger and fries as a substitute for Disneyland and summer camp.]

You know what is short (in my life)? Time with those for whom I care and who I grow to like. Time with people who, at least, seem to truly understand and sympathize with me. It’s so rare; it’s like finding a unicorn in the forest. And, just when I think I’ve found some gem of a person, something seems to snatch them away.

It’s no wonder I have such a delusional outlook on life, in general. I’m obsessing with fantasies instead of taking what is given to me in a content manner. And, even my fantasies can’t sustain me because I still desire some tangible piece to ground my thoughts and feelings. I still want a body to hold and love, not a cartoon or mannequin.

And, though it is a common driving force to pursue a single warm body for primal needs, I know, deep down, it takes a bit more than that to achieve the grander sense of happiness; it takes a circle of friends and good relations with family. Well, I can pretty much wrap up that last one as a failure; even if I kissed the ground my family walked upon and did everything they wanted me to do, I would not be happy with them…and I am sure a few would continue to be unhappy with me, which is probably where my perfectionist vices originated. As a student, I couldn’t cope with less than a perfect grade but didn’t understand why; I just assumed others would look down upon me somehow. Less than perfect became almost sinful, forcing me to seek the means to atone.

I don’t see great or even good options for paths to take. I don’t see the multitude of good people with whom I am to surround myself nor the means to cast out the negative few. The negative outweigh the positive and, in turn, cause me to emit negativity, apparently. My anger, frustration and despair from what I see and hear is giving me a stink as it stews in my pores. If my social anxieties don’t spoil things for me, I make a fool of myself when I think I am in the right and cross a line with someone I just met. All my lessons in manners and respecting other cultures goes out the window once I open my mouth.

As a child, I was raised to dress properly and sit quietly while adults were in the room. I was a trophy child, someone the adults talked about but rarely with, other than the occasional comment about how I was performing in school or my interests, particularly art which few adults indulged in, thus they had little to say. I was complimented and encouraged to perform better and better than better. It was only when I reached my teens that my mind advanced beyond what my body was doing and became highly self-conscious. At my lowest point, I found my voice and used it to save myself from premature death. I thought speaking out was a valian effort. But, what did it get me? What has it gotten me all these years? A few more compliments about my sense of humor, a few more bits of praise for my wit…and a ton of complaints from the majority of negative spectators who find my words foolish, unpleasant and/or excessively self-righteous.

So, I say it, again. What is truly short? The time I have with those who satisfy my spirit (and body). Not life. This life of mine goes on and on, prolonged by a higher power who has some greater…or worse…plan for me. It began abnormally and continues to survive abnormally. Thus, I can never call myself “normal.” I have come close to ending it myself, but some tiny flame resides in me which continues to believe all is not lost, even if time takes its toll on the mind, body and worldly resources that seem to be so important to having this life (when they have so little to do with nature and life itself).

If you outlive someone who literally loses their mind, the ability to speak sensibly with you and recognize your face, you may be discouraged and join the chorus who sing about life being short. But, realize you are still living; your life continues with the knowledge of someone else losing their full potential for life. You still have time. Do you use it to compare lengths of lives? Or, do you simply live it and understand loss of ability and death are part of it?

Cherish what you have. Don’t quest or chase for what may be too much. Take care of good friendships and other relationships. These should not be labors but natural constructs that you merely maintain and thank the heavens for having in your life.

And, breathe.

06
Sep
19

Mad Guide to Living Your Life Better, August 2019 issue

***

Pop a happy pill and drink some water before entering this matrix.

 

Every so often, there’s a new pitch for how to live your life better than you already are. And, often enough, the pitch switches sides, telling you what you previously thought is now wrong. For example, too much coffee…or, later, any coffee is not good for you. Then, turn around a few times, and it’s recommended for this and/or that benefit. And, that’s just the tip of the shit-berg.

Have I said this before? Coffee?

You may have heard gluten is bad…for some, anyway. And, the world screams as it changes all of its labels to read GLUTEN FREE PRODUCT, whether you’re buying cereal or sunglasses. [You think that’s crazy until you find rubber boots that can cause the big bad C and require warnings from certain states, telling people to buy and wear them at their own risk.]

Sunglasses. Now, those have been around for some time. But, did you know you should be wearing the best protective sort every single day to protect and prolong your life? [Did you know we are mole people and should be living underground to get away from the big bad sun which we need for vitamins and sanity but can also kill us?]

Did you know dangerous rays are all over the world and constantly threatening you? Do you have sunglasses as big as radar dishes covering your face? Well, you should. And, sadly–sorry, ex-military businessman with the nifty sales pitch in each of his different product ads–there’s nothing on the market that big, today. Latest news reports say you should be wearing big, goofy shades with 100% UV protection even on cloudy days, when people I meet think I am silly for wearing them. [I wear them on some cloudy days just because I suffer from social anxiety, in part due to poor distance vision which denies me from seeing some faces clearly.]

And, what goes into just about every pair of sunglasses? Plastic. And, plastic, lately, is getting a bad rap in the USA for being low on recycle-ability. I guess it has something to do with international relations, particularly China.

Plastic is quickly becoming a landfill and water supply hazard (while more and more people pitch frivolous kids’ products all made with some kind of synthetic fiber and/or plastic in this age of “everyone’s an online salesperson looking for a buck to party”). Which is kinda ironic, considering the push for plastic and recycling which so many if not all of us bought into all these years. Heck. We just recently invented plastic printers for making layer-upon-layer of goop to fabricate fun little things we never thought possible that way.

So, now, celebs are jumping on the aluminum bandwagon, again. Aluminum, in. Plastic, out.

Canned water? Unbelievable.  I’ve already had canned water.  Someone I know calls it “La Crotch.”  As if bottled water wasn’t sad enough. We might as well carry canteens everywhere; canteens outfitted with water filters. Hmm…..

If that’s too heavy for you, you should know that optimism is important to prolonging your life, some study says just to fill air time on the local/world news. Good to know. Right? But, pull up your pants and spit out your gum. Because, wait; there’s more.

Many of you out there are of the mindset that a vegetarian/vegan diet is the way to go; and poo on us meat eaters for slaughtering intelligent life. Cows have feelings, ya know! Well, recent reports say a vegan diet lacks certain nutrients key to brain health (including B12?). So, if you don’t eat your meat, you might lose your mind.

That reminds me. I have a chicken sandwich waiting for me…in a plastic container. Uh oh. No. Not the plastic. Well, yes, right now that plastic is a problem. But, so is the chicken. I don’t know if that’s a naturally raised chicken or one from a lab. I thought it was bad enough when I heard chickens were being pumped full of stuff to make them bust-ier for more meat on the bone. But, now I hear chickens are being made in test tubes because farmers can’t cope with raising them the old-fashion way anymore?

What the freak have we become when we no longer hunt or raise animals according to the laws of nature? Are we those freakish movie vampires that keep humans in giant blood bags to harvest blood? What’s next? Synthetic cow meat? Mutant strawberries? [Well, we already have those…just without the abilities to moan and walk.]

Let me just pause right there and scream for a minute at the thought of all human food coming from laboratories and/or factories. How F’d up does the planet have to be for that? Why are we prolonging the inevitable? Why not just nuke the whole thing and call it done?

Why are we waiting for the next big celebrity break-up song, pointless award show or waste-of-time-and-money charity (aka tax write-off) game show? Do I really need the lovely Taylor Alison Swift to tell me we are never, never, never putting this Humpty-Dumpty world back together? Why are we looking at Mars or wasting our time here? Mars is not going to be better than this if we are just as stupid as we are tomorrow.

You’d think I’d say “as smart as we are today,” but how smart do we really project ourselves? We keep thinking we’ll be smarter…and then something else stupid happens to make us think otherwise (or that’s just how modern man keeps pitching things to keep everyone scared little cattle chasing fool’s gold and feeding the wealthy).

Tree of knowledge? No, dumbasses. It was the tree of foolishness that made us think we were pursuing progress. We’re so far removed from nature that we can’t see the shit on our faces.

And, what about the big marijuana and vaping crazes? While many claim both are not smoking old-fashion cigarettes and fair to your health, recent reports say no marijuana is safe for minors and pregnant women. And, vaping is as bad or worse than the old cigarettes…for some reason, due to a marijuana ingredient? [Wha? T-That’s ridiculous!] So, if you are a stressed out pregnant woman looking to ease your mind, you already can’t drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. And, now, marijuana is out. So, find yourself a hand to mutilate and go to town on that poor soul.

But, remember to be optimistic and live longer. Because you’ll want to live longer to buy more stuff to protect that longer life to buy more stuff and live a longer life until you can no longer lift your fingers and need a robot body to take over, buying replacement parts to live a longer life and buy more stuff to protect its hardware and software. Because, down the road, you know they’re going to have concerns for gluten-ous viruses and hazardous app drugs corrupting hard drives everywhere.

So, be sure to advise your future robot self to stay optimistic…if optimism is even a thing, by then, and not replaced with “optimalism.” You know…like optimizing your computer when it’s newly bought, taking out all the cheap promotional stuff that slows it down like a boot on a car. Nutty sales gimmicks.

[You may scream, now. And then, get happy.]

Live long and stay optimistic, mad world dwellers! Or, live fast, cheap and die happy. No suicides….be-hecause that would be crazy! I mean, you were brought into this world. You might as well get your money’s worth. Just try not to breathe too deep, run too fast or fly too close to the sun. Oh. And, ignore that tree over there.

08
Dec
14

Welcome to the Food Chain, the Danger of a Vegetarian Mankind

Stop me if you’ve heard/read this one, before.

A strangely funny thought came to me today as I thought about my diet and all the people pushing for mankind to go “vegan” or vegetarian.

What if we humans DID all go vegetarian?

Think of prehistoric times. Wouldn’t the food supply suffer? Wouldn’t competition over food grow not just between humans but with all of the other creatures that eat plants? Wouldn’t more starve and die when they can’t get their fill?

And, here’s the real “kicker,” folks.

Did ya ever stop to think the only reason there aren’t too many predators attacking humans is because they are too afraid of what people eat?

Who wants to ingest a man packed with so many trans-fats and chemicals that put him at risk of a dozen medical mishaps and/or diseases? Forget germs. Humans pollute themselves with what they ingest (whether it’s medicinal or gastronomical). Why risk a lion’s life with that when the big cat can sink its teeth into a grass-fed antelope?

Just think…

If every human becomes an “organic” vegetarian, won’t all those predators–who still like to hunt and eat meat just fine, by the way–start adjusting their menu?

Hmm. I was going to have the corn-fed pig. But, that salad-filled human sounds good. I think I will go with that.

Very good, sir. Excellent choice.

Welcome to the food chain, ye who shun meat.




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