Posts Tagged ‘crap

23
Mar
20

Celebrity Social Media Wooptido; Tay, Kim and Kanye

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So, I must be rather bored to be even looking at the streaming pile of crap news put on these home pages for search engines.  And, I keep a wee eye out for news about my favorite blonde songstress, Tay Swift.  So, I see a blip about her and Kim K. making a public statement about something Kanye West texted/said?  And, I go hmm….

Annoyed by the pop-up bits….  No, I don’t want a cookie.  Even if I use a mouse.

Kanye wrote WHAT about Tay in his latest flop?  As if!  The horror.  And, sure Tay takes it in stride.  Be the bigger woman about it.  If that was me, I’d be a lil irked.  Sure, it all boils down to context.  But, seriously, Kanye?  Not necessary.  Wouldn’t I want to write something like that in a song I wrote?  Well, sure, I’d be tempted.  I mean…it’s Tay!  I adore the gal.  I would be lying if I didn’t have fantasy moments.  I write my own Capital One commercials.  😛  But, in a song I am going to sell and sing at some event?  NOT COOL!  No way I could make that part of my routine unless she was, in fact, my lover.

SO, there; I said my piece.  Two cents out.

05
Nov
16

My New Social Networks

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I’m not much of a joiner. I’m just too darn skeptical.

I don’t like assuming everyone and every corporation you find is suddenly a “friend” you can add to or delete from your circle. I don’t like slinging, eating or smoking hash. Nor do I have any interest in tagging bags of it. I don’t want people following me everywhere and reading my every thought. I don’t like people abusing a word like– What’s the word I’m thinking of? You know. It’s like…something like… Anyway. Why be one of countless followers feeding the pockets of some millennial mogul-in-the-making when you could be feeding your own pockets with shat piles of gold?

So, I did just that. I crapped out my own social domains in just a few minutes. Sign up, and you can continue to defecate every little thing that crosses your blue-lit mind in one more trending space. Or, link your crap from other spaces to this space to create a chain of crap, otherwise known as diarrhea of the internet.

Once I’m rolling in golden crap cakes, I’ll be sure to thank everyone by showing off the fruits of my empire and a short shat list of charities I support to distract you from my stock and political angles.

Now, go forth, be poop-ful and multiply.

Be sure to Kiss my Arsebook page and Stalk my Sh@tter feed.

I’m Writingbolt and I drop this statement (along with one smelly microphone).

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30
Dec
15

I Love My Pill TV…NOT!

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If you live in the USA and are without cable TV, you might develop a case of BMO, bad medicine overload. Please continue to process the following statement while I flash a variety of unrelated happy images across the screen.

-Bad medicine overload strikes five out of five Americans who do not skip or are unable to flip channels when commercials for hazardous drugs prescribed by professionals begin.

-Bad medicine overload strikes these folks every five to seven minutes when a new commercial break is taken.

-Doctors who are not really doctors recommend hitting the Mute button when a commercial break starts to prevent such side-effects as: brain melt, loss of hearing, loss of sanity, coma of the eyes, paralysis of the bladder, raging mouth diarrhea and possibly death.

-If you or someone you know is struck with a case of BMO, don’t call your doctor. Turn off the TV, step outside and get some fresh air. Rekindle an old hobby. Put on some inspirational music. Pull the plug. Or, if necessary, dispose of the TV and never look at a newspaper advertisement or magazine, again. If you can do none of these, seek help from a friend, not a diploma or license to practice medicine/therapy.

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