Posts Tagged ‘competition

07
Sep
16

My *Questionable* Pleasure (TV Show)

*****

Occasionally, I hear people on TV talk about their “guilty pleasures.”  I don’t like the word “guilty.”  Nor do I know what sort of guilt I should feel for watching a particular “reality TV” show which is both creative and humiliating, innovative and exploitative…  It’s a dirty trick on the mind.  It teases you with colorful images and fun games while abusing the participants who we are drugged to believe are willing players in a simple game.  [But, it’s not a simple game.  We are just duped like an audience at a Roman coliseum to root for either the lions or the gladiators.]

I am talking about CBS’ Big Brother.  I watch the show for a few reasons.  I tell myself it’s because I enjoy some of the competitions they invent, including the props.  I like looking at the interior decorating.  It definitely is a fun house design.  And then, there is the “beauty contest.”

Just about every year since its conception, I get roped into watching most of it.  Every time, I go through the same motions.  There is usually one pretty face I favor and root for throughout (unless she turns out to be a psycho bitch).  And, there are way too many annoying examples of southern-state, post-college-age delinquents who whine and whisper excessively in a desperate plotting way that just grinds the gears.  [I could easily skip over ninety percent of each show just to get to the good stuff which mainly consists of what are called “competitions” or “comps.”]

Last year, my heart went out to this crazy blonde gal.

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There were two other contenders who lacked height but had their “perks.”  Shelli was the perfect blend of beauty and brains and had a good chance of winning.  Jackie…was just Jackie; plenty of assets, but my gut told me (as it usually does) not to fall too quickly for someone so “flashy.”

And, that verges into what I consider the shallow, exploitative side of the show which surely dives into some contractual pool any sane soul would not likely want to share with the media sharks.  [But, we the viewers don’t really see any of that; do we?  We just get the scandalous pictures.]

Anyway…

This year, these two exceptionally GORGEOUS young women stopped my heart.  Both suffered the same fate and are very close in age.  Both didn’t display exceptional brains or strength but sure have plenty of beauty.

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A “traveling nurse.”  [Someone explain that job to me, please.]  Her radiant smile and lively hair just wash away any doubts you may have about her.

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A “preschool teacher.”  Her eyes and lips are both comforting pillows and boxing gloves.  Her long, luxurious hair (hopefully all-natural) is the towel that fans you after losing a fight.

Both masters of expression appear like graceful pixies from some enchanted garden who dance over flowerbeds.  Neither is the easiest to catch, but their sweet voices call to you like the ocean.

My heart aches from confusion.  Part of me wants to jump through the TV screen and save the beaut–join the game.  Every year, I leave (watching) the show disappointed.  I should hate such exploitation.  An activist mind like Bridgette’s (a “feminist”) should probably not find interest in the whole mess, either.  But, she auditioned for it.  And, I am utterly smitten with her.  [I was smitten with Julie Chen, the US host, from year one!]

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All I can do is let it wash out of my system like the tide taking part of the beach away every summer.

 

And, in case you are thinking I should get or have permission to use these images, I’ll just let Bridgette explain.

bb18_bridgette_dunning_cozyhat-goaheadshesays-animated-4

“Go ahead,” says Bridgette.

[She is just absolutely lovable.]

Well, there you have it.

 

04
Sep
13

Have You Ever Been Deflated By the “Success” of Others?

That about sums it up.

Have you ever felt absolutely deprived of breath and any trace of feeling good by reading of or witnessing someone who has quite simply and amazingly done things YOU wanted without missing a step while you struggle to motivate yourself in the positive way or ways many of these people profess like steam engines that can never say NO or I CAN’T?  Have you ever come across someone so “chipper” and full of life with their future planned out in a perfectly neat little outline?  And, do you then look at your own idea/s of the future like a soggy mess of wet magazine clippings?  Have you ever seen someone basking in the sun with the wind in their hair like a goddess while you stood beneath a dark cloud waiting for it to rain upon you?

That is how I am often and presently feeling.  And, while I’d like to point fingers or sulk, I can’t help feeling like I am doing it to myself.  I am popping my own balloons.  And, I don’t know why I won’t or can’t stop.  Nor can I fathom how to get on that horse, race into traffic and carry on like these free-flying dynamos I encounter more often online than in person.

And, frankly, I am sick of this.  I am sick of myself.  I am tired of everything being overwhelming and making me uncomfortable.  And, the more time passes, the less “acceptable” I feel in this world.   And, I am tired of timidly reaching out only to feel stepped on when someone doesn’t “get me”.  I am tired of working with people younger and older than me with whom I fail to relate as much as those my own age.  I am tired of being viewed as a kid who never will grow up or be taken seriously.  I am tired of worrying I am not adequate for someone I find appealing.   I am tired of worrying about what baggage they may have simply from living a life I have not.

And, I am sick of others turning away for whatever reason.  I feel like a disease.  Yet, I get a number of people who come along and tell me what they all think I could and should be doing.   And, I don’t know how to process it effectively.  I don’t take what I hear and run with it.  I tend to dismiss or put it on a pile.  Yea, maybe someday.

I feel like I missed so many classes and experiences simply because I was afraid to budge.  And, I can’t see any group where I fit.  I don’t have a circle.  And, I know myself well enough to know I’d probably push back out of the circle if I felt I had been roped into one somehow.  I want in…but I don’t want in.  I want to be accepted, liked and loved…but I have a hard time making others feel that way or finding those who are genuinely in the right place and time to appreciate it.  I feel like an underclassman trying to be with one of his teachers.

What is it going to take for me to sort myself out?  What is it going to take for me to “get with the program”?  Am I ever going to break out of my single status mold and find the love I…at least, I THINK I…am seeking?  I just don’t know.  And, time keeps slipping away from me while so many just plow on through traffic like a routine or set of instructions I couldn’t read.  Everyone else sings the chain-gang song while I say NO and try to do things differently.  But, why?  What do I accomplish by NOT being part of the crowd?

 

Sorry, but you can’t just LIKE this or tie a string to it and forget about it while everyone else you might know glances at it, too.  This is my rant.  And, here, you are free/welcome to express your thoughts of it before I retract it.  I just needed to blow off some steam and perhaps be heard by the right “ear” out there.




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