Posts Tagged ‘commercials

20
Sep
19

I’m Sick of These M-F’n Tools Saving Every Species on the Planet!

***

That was my weak attempt at sounding like Samuel L. Jackson in that infamous movie about snakes on a plane.

But, let’s talk about a bigger tool.

Common, you’re such a tool. Those AI ads he keeps doing…just rub me the wrong way for some inexplicable reason. And, the latest one really struck a sour note.

One more pitch to save some “endangered” species.

I’ve got nothing against respect for nature and being concerned about all life on the planet. But, if nature decides to eliminate any species, we need not be responsible.

Do you understand what I am saying?

Nature decides what species will live, what new species will join the rest and which will become extinct.

As much as humans like to play god, and as much as Americans like to boast being the best at everything these days, we humans are responsible for the crimes we commit against nature as well as how much we are willing to treat it right. We are capable of maintaining the planet better than any other species. But, we cannot be the overprotective parents, especially when our energy and resources are needed to save ourselves from our own mistakes and from nature’s harsh backlash, probably for the crimes we’ve committed and thus are rightfully doomed to face.

If someone is pitching an AI solution to keep every species known on the planet alive and thriving, isn’t that a bit silly?

For one reason, what happens if, among all of the preserved species, new ones appear in small numbers? Well, we have to protect those, too. And, the next group? Yep. Them, too. Before long, we have a planet swallowed up in lifeforms without adequate resources to sustain them all, sort of like the junk lady in that 1980s Labyrinth movie piling stuff up on Sarah’s back.

[If I may be so blunt, are we just preserving these species because they make pretty photographs for some wildlife magazine you want to print on excess glossy paper which is just going to end up in a landfill when the multitude of shrinking attention spans cast them aside like yesterday’s hot topic?]

Ya know why the big ol’ dinosaurs went extinct? It wasn’t just some massive rock from deep space that created a sinkhole in the planet and devastated the climate. It was a population boom that couldn’t be supported by available resources. And, nature took them out, replacing them with a wide assortment of lifeforms, including us, sort of like an American football team replacing its most expensive player with a few cheaper ones to fill some holes in the defensive line. Now, we are the dinosaurs. And, if we don’t get a grip on our actions……..

Secondly, the planet will be overrun with technological gizmos, not just those keeping watch on every animal like some high-tech spies for some company surely getting something out of this access to what is probably some privacy nature did not intend us humans to take.

Those gizmos will require maintenance and resources we must provide, further depleting our time and resources which could be applied to means capable of preserving all life, not just one rare species at a time, invading the privacy of nesting and other rituals. And, just as your personal computer-phone puts out enough “heat” to fry an egg or your ear, and just as cellphone towers and electrical towers in general put out invisible radiation which impacts all life around them in negative ways, those flying and roving gizmos sent with the supposed intent of protecting all of these other species are sure to put out something that could very well be harmful to something if not everything in its path, because when have humans been known to create anything perfectly clean and safe? Mmm…never? At least, it seems everything we’ve made has had some negative output in the news.

[Can you imagine some drone appearing outside your bathroom, claiming it’s just making sure you’re still alive while you stand there naked about to take a shower? How long before that becomes so annoying that you change your washing habits and/or your whole daily routine, ultimately impacting your life expectancy? And, what if that supervising drone puts out some kind of radiation to scan your home and detect your body heat or some other signature? More invisible rays passing through your body and everything you hold dear, possibly invading your sleep cycle, causing you to wake with the feeling something weird was buzzing in your ear like a mosquito, a species we certainly do not need to preserve unless we are using them as weapons…and that is dangerous talk.]

[What if it doesn’t stop at drones? What if we get tags like all those species humans tag to track their numbers? That, too, is a human habit I find repulsive. Yet, we spend enough energy doing just that while water supplies and other resources continue to become hazards to us all. Would you want to walk around with some colorful plastic tab clipped to your ear or neck or ankle for the rest of your life? Maybe if your the sort who likes tattoos and/or piercings. But, not me.]

We are as responsible for upsetting the environments of all these other species as we are preserving them. But, two wrongs don’t make a right. And, yes, in a way, boxing every life form into some kind of human protection system isn’t right.

I know it’s a bigger and more vague goal to correct the other wrongs we have done to the planet, but that’s the homework we need to get done. Not being the policing, over-protective parents of the planet’s population.

If the world loses its snow leopards, it will go on. But, if the world loses its clean water supply or safe atmosphere, more than the snow leopards will suffer; all species will suffer. If one more human tribe puts its faith in nuclear power as a resource, more than a few snow leopards will suffer for a longer time than any human petition mob can survive to protect those snow leopards.

If you spend your time and resources sending machines to watch over some small cluster of one or two species instead of cleaning up the environment or protecting all life in a particular area you can manage, your effort is futile. If you are in a desert and give all of your water to a lone lizard you think is the only one of its kind, you will die in that desert before you learn that the lizard will be just fine on its own.

And, if no one bothers to read this, if it doesn’t make an impact on improving the way we humans treat the planet, then it was a waste of my time, energy and technology. All of which could have been saved had I not bothered to turn on the TV and see the man, calling himself Common, in one more lame commercial.

 

 

09
Apr
19

Fashions Signaling The World’s End?

***

When Target commercials are worse than Old Navy commercials, I fear the world (of fashion) coming to an end.  Seriously, I don’t expect much from a retailer like Target.  I know they are not a “high-end” clothing store, but they used to have options I…well, liked.  But, some years after they began airing ads with trendy songs-of-the-summer and montages of jagged shifting imagery, and years after certain feature fashion designers started boasting their lines at the stores, Target seem to have lost their money-lovin’ minds.  I used to say the same about Old Navy.  I used to think Target put Old Navy on the endangered shopping list.  Now, it seems things have shifted.   And, that really scares me.  A place with OLD in its name showing clothes better than what you can get at what used to be a favored department store.  Sad times, indeed.

What am I talking about?  What is so bad at Target?  Let me put it as clearly as I can, in my personal opinion, mind you.  I don’t like pastels.  I detest melon orange and shades of aqua-marine/sea foam/turquoise, even if the last one is said to be lucky for Sagittarius.  I am tired of the same old striped crap that looks like the bottom of the wallpaper or card stock barrel.  I am tired of pants too tight for my man parts, apparently designed by gay folks looking to score some action in the rear…just sayin’.  And, in general, as I say again and again, I am astounded there aren’t more options and that, it seems, no one cares to design or make quality men’s clothing that isn’t cheaply screen-printed tees and sloppy pants or costly suit-and-tie combos that do nothing outside of an elitist boardroom or convention event.  It seems I will have to scrounge around the shady import websites, these “pop-up” outlet malls of the Far and Middle east, and pay ridiculous shipping, no doubt, to get anything more appealing to my artistic and heterosexual senses.

As if shopping for men’s clothes isn’t bad enough, these days.

Vent complete.

25
Jan
19

Too Much Advertising Ruins Sales!

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Is there such a thing as too much advertising? You betcha. And, lately, some advertisers are getting WAY too much exposure. Thanks, digital TV systems capable of skipping commercials, though it works better in some modes than others which makes little sense…but that’s human technology for ya.

The days of diverse commercial line-ups seem to have drifted into the crapper. Now, we get ads that reappear every seven minutes, and sometimes twice in a three-minute window, because no one else seems interested in advertising.

You might think this is a golden opportunity to get cheap advertising/air time. But, hold your corny sales pitches and lame “real people, not actors.” An excess of ads spoils business. At least, for me it does. It’s like those movies that feature some poor shlub handing out flyers only to get bumped and spill the fliers all over the city.

I do not respond well to repeating commercials. I really get annoyed by them. And, the dumber the commercial, the worse I respond.

So, the next time you feel like promoting yourself, make sure your ads are spaced out nicely. Or, you will end up on my grumbly list. And, you don’t want to end up there. Because I will proceed to bad-mouth your product or service to the point that I annoy the people I meet.

Ever heard of the domino effect? Tim-stop-the-madness-ber.

17
Aug
17

New, New, New, New…Reruns?

****

Have you ever seen the movie Back to the Future?  And, do you recall the part when Marty, in the past, claims a certain black-and-white TV show is a rerun before the kid in the room asks, “What’s a rerun?”  I find myself revisiting that scene as I realize the perception differences of kids and adults, especially in this modern age of DVRs and internet access to just about everything.

When I was a kid, the family had one TV, maybe two later on when I was nearing my teens.  I didn’t think about reruns.  But, they were there.  I was immersed in SYNDICATION, watching shows that had originally aired about a decade ago but were playing again and again in my day.  I didn’t think much about the strangeness of fashions, makeup or hairstyles.  If the show was black-and-white, it was too old for me.  If the jokes didn’t make sense, I really wasn’t thinking about them.  I was merely watching grown-ups be silly or cartoons in general.  If my family laughed, I considered laughing.  Only one sis ever laughed every time someone else laughed first.  Even at an early age, I would not be the pawn of the laugh track or “live studio audience.”

People would say, “TV rots your brain.”  And, us “rebels” would watch all we could and think nothing of it.  Despite all the TV I watched, it didn’t seem to impact my attention span.  I always thought I was a good student, a good listener.  I became a well-behaved, patient adult.

Nowadays, families have TVs in multiple rooms and some kind of device receiving a signal that can either transmit “broadcast” TV shows or “internet TV”/”web TV.”  They can skip commercials and zip from one show to the next with the flick of a finger.  And, if commercial breaks aren’t littered with mindless ads for cars and services like “wireless” television, at-home education, retirement options and ways to cut corners for the financially challenged (like the only people who should be watching TV are stay-at-home parents, retired folks, unemployed bums and future thieves?)…there’s this constant drive for what’s NEW.  Yet, the promise of NEW is fleeting and makes one feel like a desert wanderer waiting for some chopper to deliver water.

My nephews, possibly as a result, have the attention spans of fleas. They struggle to get through a whole show that may only be 20 minutes long.  They want to know what’s next.  What’s new.  And, though the magic box promises new essentially daily, flashing timers and such to announce the oncoming glimmers of delight, the actual NEW is kinda like expecting a response from a letter to Kris Kringle.

They are dazzled by the commercials I, now as an adult, would rather skip.  Truth be told, most commercials aren’t as nearly entertaining as they were when I was little.  But, maybe it’s just a matter of perspective?  These lame ads I see are new to them, not me.  Well, some are new to me but annoying to watch over and over.  Heck, I don’t remember getting tired of seeing certain commercials as a kid.  I didn’t look forward to commercials, either, but they were rarely if ever bothersome.

And, while I grew up not minding or even noticing reruns, these kids may or may not notice reruns.  But, once they DO realize they’ve seen something before, their reactions are mixed.  Sometimes, they want to see the same show, again (provided it’s something they have watched in the last few days or weeks, as they like to replay even the shortest of video clips).  Or, I hear them sounding like adults when they say, “This one, again?  Why isn’t it a new one?”

As a big kid myself, I think of a not-so-old episode of Teen Titans Go! in which Robin warns the other team members about “the spicy life,” the pursuit of increased spiciness.  People get tantalized into chasing NEW to keep the economy flowing and, consequentially, stimulating impulse shopping (which often empties people’s pockets to the point of concern/neglect).  It’s not healthy to anything but the economy, and even that is questionable.

The promise of NEW.

Why can’t we be comfortable with what we already have and enjoy?  As the old saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”  And, if it needs fixing, let’s work that out.

It doesn’t take a genius to see people are struggling to keep coming up with new ideas in some areas.  Maybe they’re burnt out.  Instead of replacing them, maybe we just need to relax and get comfortable with…dare I say it…routine.  And, let new ideas be a blessing from above, not something we force from the cow for fleeting profits.

 

06
Feb
17

Super Bowl 51, Poetry and Disappointment

*****

Some moments in history can be quite poetic, regardless how great or awful they may leave you feeling. The US disaster of 9/11 was one of those moments when numbers started clicking like gears in a clock, turning what seemed like a big shock into a conceivable puzzle, one that could have been orchestrated. Likewise, Super Bowl LI (51) has a few numbers that fell perfectly into place. And, if we look hard enough, we might uncover more.

Consider this.

Tom Brady of the Patriots was looking for his fifth win/ring, and he got it. Now, he’s got himself an infinity gauntlet. He’s half way to becoming a Super Bowl Mandarin. [Those were nerdy Marvel Comics jokes, in case you were wondering.]

The Falcons were apparently denied every previous ring/trophy they ever snatched from the hands of every team that fell one round short in all their previous championship years. This would have been their first win. They were denied, again.

You see? This was Super Bowl 51, and Brady got his fifth while denying the Falcons what was very close to being their 1st. 5 and 1.

And then, consider who scored the much needed touchdown to tie the game. I don’t know if he scored the 2-point conversion, too. But, we’ll say it was #28 who tied the game at 28, sending it into overtime. The first Super Bowl to ever go into overtime? I highly doubt that.

What else have I got to make this more poetic? Actually, that was it. But like I said, there may yet be other numbers that fit into place. And, I would not be surprised.

All poetry aside, let’s not forget the two reasons I really watch these championship games: the commercials and the halftime show.

Sadly, there wasn’t one commercial that I wanted to see multiple times or discuss with friends/family/coworkers the rest of the week/year. The one about the internet being a skinny “wiry” guy who LIKES everything; that was…interesting, I guess. Mr. Clean got a chuckle. Melissa McCarthy, that chubby siren, she was so cute…pitching a car that sounds a lot like a mad Roman emperor who watched his world burn. A metaphor for the oil industry? The traditional favorites seemed missing until, near the end, I saw glimmers of the old advertising magic, including the ghost of Spud the Budweiser dog and one lame Sprite commercial that fell flat faster than the soda does when left uncapped.

But, the biggest disappointment of all might be that no one made a commercial with Chun Li in it to commemorate the number of the game. [I kid.  But, I did make my own ad for that.]

Lady Gaga was a sight to behold with her halftime show, making some sharp costume variations.  Hair and makeup were both fantastic and simple.  Yet, compared to a few previous shows with female contenders, hers was washed out. Some might have questioned her lack of a supporting artist. She didn’t call in Lenny, Bruno, Madonna or the Black Eyed Peas. She held her own. And, she did all right. She kept it clean, nothing too edgy, daring or controversial. But, something was missing…

…And, “social media” was not it! I get it. Everything on television has to be geared toward teens who must eat, sleep and breath the clicking of a keyboard as they get programmed for war in the future. But, seriously? I need to know how many “tweets” or clicks or beeps are happening during a game or right after a performance? That’s like going to see a Broadway show and finding out how many people coughed or sneezed at the end. SHUT THE FRAG UP! I turned the TV off and waited for the madness to stop.

I am so sick of all the tech talk! I’m tired of robot football players flashing signs, drones popping up everywhere you look, boasting camera angles that could zip into a guy’s nose hairs…and, cripes sake, stats about finger clicks and swipes. E-NOUGH! Even if the game was played by robots to eliminate all the painful injuries and losses…only to rack up other losses and repair jobs…it would not interest me to be so robotic or computerized. Without a certain human element in this game, I don’t think I’d have the same interest. It would be like watching a giant, ridiculously expensive video game. And, maybe it already is just that…and I should stop watching before I hate it like NASCAR.

Ehem. Neck roll to relieve pent up stress.

Truth be told, fitting a stellar show into 12 minutes is rather daunting. I’d suggest two alternative strategies next year:

1) The artist picks 2 or 3 songs–not a full album–to spotlight with grand props, special effects…the works. That’s roughly one song per four minutes, slightly longer than the average music video. But, we get to revel in each song in ways that a normal concert might not be able to provide.

2) Make the halftime show at least 30 minutes long. That may seem like a drag to the teams in the locker rooms, but it would give the performers more time to develop a stellar show rather than appear like they’re rushing to get a touchdown before the clock expires.

In conclusion, I went into this game not caring who won. The team(s) I wanted to play were denied entry. And, personally, I’m a little sick of Tom Brady and the Patriots. When one quarterback can score 5 rings/trophies in his career–granted, not as easily as the Dallas Cowboys made it look some years ago–while my favorite team(s) are lucky to see 1 ring/trophy in a decade…and that’s after changing coaches, quarterbacks and/or who knows what…it grinds your gears a bit.

Not to mention, there was the year the Patriots–if I am correct–were accused of photographing an opponent’s playbook. And, just last year, we were grumbling over “Deflategate,” when the Patriots were accused of messing with the air in the balls used in the final game on an exceptionally cold night. Topping that off, Brady wins this one after pretty much sitting back and relaxing for three quarters before shaking off his lion-skin cape and breaking out the bazooka. It’s as if someone told him the last scandal would get wiped from his record if he took a few hits and threw a few rounds in the ring before unleashing the eye of the tiger. And, it wasn’t like the Patriots needed the overtime period. That ended about as fast as their last drive, in under a minute. All the Patriots really needed was another 30 seconds on the clock, maybe 51 seconds.

Anyway, the big spectacle comes and goes, making way for the next season of tycoon arena sports. Thankfully, I care even less about that one. I don’t waste more than a minute looking at the car-nage. But, what an expensive gambling setting, source of pollution and waste of resources. All thanks to our beloved troops who make it possible, right? Whatever. [And, all of the local crimes behind the troops backs really make us feel safe at night.]




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