Posts Tagged ‘China

13
May
20

C-O-nside-R-ing ON-e A-dventurous summer vacation

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I think I am overdue for a summer vacation.  I know the timing is poor.  But, the boss is giving me a discount and a subtle push to vacate.  So, I am taking the hint.  See you in a few weeks!…………

vacant-covid-wulan-china-beach-postcard_2020-quarantinehumor_ap-CSPP-800x1200-72px-3A

…………if I’m still alive.

[Actually, I was just having another creative/dark-humor moment and wanted to whip up some silly postcards.]

20
Apr
20

Pokémon Sword Funnies, Part 3

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Just a taste of my recent mental meandering.  Of course, the current crisis has been on my mind; and I’ve tried to infuse/keep a sense of humor about even the most serious details.  It’s not meant to offend or upset anyone.  So, if anything I say bothers you…well, find another blog to ogle.

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Seriously.   I-Is that supposed to be a baby bottle or some kind of syringe with which I am not familiar?  I-It just looks wrong.  And, I refuse to use those things on my Pokémon.  🙂

The Noibat represents all of the excess noise and commotion caused by the media.  The Hatterene is a sort of deception; she is a dangerous beauty with an alien face and the potential to heal…all of which adds up to a need to be aware of possibilities and to be cautious about what you hear, accept and use upon yourself.  Notice the “doc” is wearing a mask which may be hiding something.  And, her eyes are green…which, for any fellow Marvel Comics fan, usually suggests trouble.

pokemon-sword-n-shield-funnies_lab-tech-vamp-crisis-dead-bloodbank-statement-2_ap-2020-1280x720-1pokemon-sword-n-shield-funnies_writingbolt-vs-wulanlabtechnician-whodoyoubringtothefight_ap-2020-1280x720-5E

So, from what I said previously and some semi-obvious clues, you can work out what is all going on in the above image.  😛

Yada, yada…you can weed through that lot for something that tickles your funny bone.  Generation-al knowledge may apply (be needed).

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Anyone watching the latest version of Inspector Gadget?…or any of the old episodes on one of those retro kids’ channels?pokemon-sword-n-shield-funnies_writingbolt-vs-ACMEagentIvy-90sCarmenSandiegotoon_ap-2020-1280x720-1

Anyone watching the newest Carmen Sandiego cartoons…who might be familiar with the 90s version?  I know.  The previous two images are a tad lame because I didn’t edit much.  It was more of a therapeutic dialogue exercise, working out some old feelings about shows I spent my lifetime watching.

Also, I noticed one of the Pokémon Sword characters is actually named Ivy (I’m guessing because she looks like a wee ivy-league-ish student?)…so that made me think of ACME agent Ivy.  And theeen…

I recently caught the lovely, perpetually wicked and ever enchanting Kate Blanchett on a recent late night talk/interview show, so as her voice and lovely bespectacled face rolled around my noggin…and I looked over the Pokémon images I had found…these came into being…pokemon-sword-n-shield-funnies_me-vs-hogwartsstudentkateblanchett_ap-2020-1280x720-1

English accent Kate…pokemon-sword-n-shield-funnies_me-vs-hogwartsstudentkateblanchett-heavilybritish_ap-2020-1280x720-2B

Natural voice/accent Kate…

 

08
Apr
20

The Truth Behind COVID-19, According to Writingbolt

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What does COVID-19 really mean? Where did anyone get that name? Well, without looking up more info via some search engine, we here at Writingbolt Studios are about to present a previously unreleased transcript of real events in the meeting room of a British-American mining company, Red Minore, located in China. Video footage (which we cannot presently show you) was captured on Camera 19, hence the name Company Video 19, or COVID-19.

Arnold, a former unit manager reduced to a lowly maintenance position, attempts to clean the office before the upcoming meeting of corporate executives, a general weekly meeting of no major significance. His “friend” Dave, a low-ranking tech-support screwball who failed to earn a bachelor’s degree at chef school, interferes with Arnold’s routine work to propose an early lunch break.

ARNOLD: I can’t come right now. I have to get this done in like…five minutes. Or, the boss is going to blow.

DAVE: I’m giving you two minutes. My stomach is getting hangry.

Dave pulls a soft drink of unknown origins and a strange submarine sandwich from the inside of his puffy jacket.

ARNOLD: Where on earth did you get that horrid food. And, if you had it all this time, you could have eaten that instead of hounding me to go out with you when you’re supposed to be upstairs assisting your team.

DAVE: Oh, lay off Rhimer. This is just an appetizer. Hey, what’s that?

Dave notices a plate of food that has recently been delivered by a catering company hired by the morale committee. He casually crosses the room and sets down his “appetizers.”

ARNOLD: No. Dave? Don’t touch that. Dave!

Dave does not listen. As Arnold rushes to stop Dave from sampling the meaty treats, Dave swings his left arm like an elephant’s trunk and topples his Fiji Punch, sending a tidal wave of red liquid over the now exposed snack tray.

Instantly losing his mind, Arnold flings the sullied snacks into the adjacent waste bin and withdraws the loaded plastic bag. With an iron hand, he grabs Dave’s arm and storms out of the meeting room a minute before the gathering executives arrive.

An innocent-looking bag of garbage sits in the dumpster behind the Wulan (China) office building, exposed to intense heat and humidity, allowing the odd mixture of meaty snacks and whatever comes in a Fiji Punch to rot and craft a foul brew, a toxic mixture that would breathe life into a new, devastating virus stronger than the common flu bug.  A garbage collector, who shall not be named, claimed he found a new species setting up camp in that dumpster.

There is no visual evidence of the biological weapon, other than the impact it continues to have around the world on the human population. But, the culprits behind the disaster’s origins remain captured on video footage which shall be filed away for historical pointlessness, forever labeled COVID-19.

[In the not-so-distant future, Dave Lisker returns to the office building after a forced vacation period.  He discovers all human workers have been replaced with an AI automation system with a voice that, when asked where the other staff members have gone, kindly repeats, “They are dead, Dave.  They are all dead.”  A meek little beauty named Jane Cochanski emerges with a mop to disagree, claiming she is very much alive.  Dave spends the rest of his days pursuing a relationship with the strangely elusive beauty.]

Arnold: Lisker? You are a complete and utter smeghead.

“It’s cold outsiiiide.
‘No kind of atmosphere.
I’m all alooone, more or leeeess.
Let me flyyyy, far away from here.
Fuuuun, fuuuun, fuuuun…in the suuun, suuun, suuun…….”

 

*STAY SAFE AND SMART.  KEEP YOUR FAITH AND SENSE OF HUMOR.

06
Mar
20

Dear China, Don’t Punish the World

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Hey, China, you’re making it harder for me to love you.

When I think of all the beautiful things to come from China (and Japan and a number of other Far-Eastern nations), I crumble; I melt.  I imagine going to China and exploding from the sight of too many beautiful women.  The mere thought of that experience is like catnip to me; I want to curl up in a ball and roll around on a plush rug.  I have been infatuated if not in love with the Far East since I was a teenager.

Then, not too long ago, Japan went and had a nuclear disaster which kinda spoiled my eagerness to travel there…just when I was considering making plans to take that big adventure.  I have heard about SARS for some years and found that both discouraging and disappointing.  And, how long ago was bird flu a thing?  I met some reaaaaally paranoid people about that one, who had a shelter, supplies and high-tech breathing masks ready.  Now….this…this new contagion that sounds like one dangerous alcoholic beverage, a cocktail of death.  And, it came from you, China?

I just have to ask…

Who hurt you?

I mean, I know the USA hasn’t been kind.  They’ve been demanding and making you do their homework for so long.  But, there has to be more.  Who else is to blame?

You’re hurt, and you’re taking the pain out on the rest of the world.  But, you’re hurting your own people, too.  You’re hurting the world.  And, as I said, it’s making loving you more difficult.

Don’t ruin my love for you, your people, mythology, astrology, landscape and culture.

Take back your biological weapon and show mercy to your enemies.  Work this out some other way.   It’s not too late.

Or, are we all doomed to be wiped off the planet?  Are you taking god-directed action to wipe out all mankind once and for all?  Are you Death?  Or, Fate?

Oh, China.  You just seem like a wounded cat right now.  And, it pains me to see you lash out this way.  I will not live in fear of your biological weapons.  But, if this continues, I will eventually have a broken heart that cannot be repaired.  And, that is the worst of it.  It would be the worst if I lost my love for you.

Sincerely,

Writingbolt

 

P.S.  If you are NOT to blame for the crisis that is still unfolding, if someone dropped this bomb on your territory, just point me in the direction of the culprit; and I will unleash my fury upon them.

24
Jan
17

Happy Chinese New Year, Fire Rooster 2017/4715

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This year, Chinese New Year falls on a Saturday.  And, I may not have another opportunity to post these this week.  So, you get to scrutinize and potentially pass them around a few days early.  Enjoy.

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^ The parching sun rooster consumes fewer money/leaves than it expends.  In other words, it burns through money/resources.  The rooster is watching, so…chinesenewyear4715-2017-firerooster_postcard-ap-5b-1j

^ Roosters like to be tidy, efficient and productive (even if they tend to be extravagant and work less consistently than their neighbors, especially oxen); so it’s good advice if you don’t want to upset the roosters in your life.  However, this year, they may feel free to party and celebrate who they are.  Their friends may want to watch their wallets/purses (unless being friends with a rooster brings unusually good luck).chinesenewyear2017-firerooster_postcard-ap-2-1j

^ In the west, the moon cycle’s Chinese New Year is veiled by the solar New Year.  Roosters are considered nature’s alarm clocks, signaling the start of a new day.  So, here the fire/sun rooster is rising like a firecracker to signal the new year at daybreak.chinesenewyear2017-4715-firerooster_postcard-ap-2c-1j

^ In the east, Chinese New Year follows the cycle of the moon.  The fire/sun rooster signals the start of a new day/year, shooting past the moon like a firecracker.  Good morning.

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^ Ho-Oh, the (2nd and more traditional) Pokemon phoenix; what is more often pictured on Chinese items in contrast to the dragon.  So, why IS the rooster part of the zodiac and not the phoenix?chinesenewyear-2016-4715_moltres-pokemon-colorup-ap-1j

^ Moltres (the other Pokemon firebird/phoenix).




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