Posts Tagged ‘bullying


Internet Filth Soiling My Blog Zen


I just wrote about my most recent concern over strange visitors to this site (and particularly my blog space).  And, a few minutes ago, I thought my decision to speak out had cost me everything I have created here…which would be fairly devastating.  [I was unable to sign in.]

Imagine that…years of input…countless hours of artwork (even if most if not all of it is backed up)…interactions with people around the world…just gone.  [‘Wouldn’t be the first time.  But, what lousy luck.]

On top of that, I am continually bothered (if not disgusted) by what I see in the box for “search terms” used by visitors.  People accuse me of being a sicko while the real freaks are looking for lewd/perverse versions of my respectable output, turning topics and characters I have grown to enjoy into pornography and moral crime?  And, one filthy post I made in jest continues to rack up views and approval as if some vile force or mob is trying to send a message.  [I am very tempted to delete it.]

I’ve come to realize the internet is not guaranteed to provide anything other than a drain of eyesight, patience and a longing for something beyond its limits.  It’s no better than a clubhouse full of neighborhood kids who may not accept me or flip their opinions in an instant and suddenly ban my entry.

If the power goes out, if satellites fall, if hackers or activists take action that sets fire to my space on their reckless tear through cyberspace, it’s not the worst surprise…but it still could upset me.  [And, if I say anymore, it just feeds the dark spirits that enjoy bullying, the very spirits I am occasionally accused of being a part of when I speak my mind, what I thought I was free to do within reason I cannot determine without the speaker’s input.]

On one hand, I want to feel free to speak about all that crosses my mind, including any weaknesses or failings I have.  On the other, there is a prevailing nuisance online that lurks in the shadows and strikes when your guard is down and makes people, including me, resist saying/writing anything for the public to read.  It attacks without conscience or any reason other than proving it can cause trouble, like a gremlin.

I’m so tired of all of it.  I’m tired of defending myself.  I’m tired of being bullied and being accused of bullying or “trolling.”  I’m tired of trying to accept myself and proudly voice my thoughts only to have faceless strangers misunderstand and/or go on the warpath.

If I walk away, I lose.  If I stand up and fight, I just add more violent energy to the pot the troublemakers relish in filling and/or risk devastating retaliation.

Someday, I swear, I WILL walk away from all that is internet and live “off the grid”…if permitted and only if I have pleasant company to keep my mind off all the crap I run into when using computers.


One Person’s Quirk Is Okay with Another

I like to think of myself as a multifaceted therapist. I’m a great back massage giver. I call them magic fingers. I haven’t done much with it, but I consider myself a decent art therapist (using art exercises to help people work through their “mental clutter”). And, I’ve been a decent listener most of my life without collecting $75-250 an hour for my time and saying very little.

But, here I am catching a few minutes of one goofy talk show in a million and hearing these “professionals” tell people with quirks that bother them that they should get help…and all I want to say is, “I don’t mind that quirk. I think it’s kinda cute. It’s unique and refreshing.”

And, isn’t that okay? Aren’t our quirks okay? Or, is every little odd/unique thing we do automatically a reason to sound the therapist/nut house alarm?

Warning: I’m about to rant. So, if you suffer from a “short attention span,” you may want to skip down past the partitioned section to the wrap-up.


That’s ridiculous! It’s a quirk. It was probably caused by conditioning from exposure to some particular behavior from other people…whether that’s family, classmates or coworkers. And, all it takes to get out of that “kink” is to adjust yourself to someone new who makes you more comfortable. Until then, any conditioning therapy is going to be like slapping a smoker on the wrist to make them quit. You might force change, but will that make you feel better or just break the habit? Will you feel good about changing yourself or just comply with one more reprimand from peers? Is peer pressure a prescription for costly therapy and/or hazardous medication?

If you ask a “professional” outside the office, I am sure they’d love to set you up with a session schedule if they are starved for clients. But, once you get in that office, if they tell you your quirk is just part of you that you need to accept, what are you paying them for? And, if they recommend treatment or pills, what are you doing in that crazy person’s office??

A “professional” cannot replace family and friends the person really needs who will likely know more about the person rather than have them have to dig up aaaaall the history anew for some total stranger collecting a steep hourly fee. And, if you add up all the hours it would take to go through all that family history to get the “professional” up to speed, how much do you suspect that would cost?

Have you ever heard these expressions?

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

I am so sick and tired of what some consider a weakness or strange being sufficient reason for telling someone to “get help.” It’s bad enough kids get bullied in school for having a big head or small frame or a lack of a good role model/sport coach or extra body fat.

Well, guess what.

I suffer from poor self-confidence.

I grew up with a small frame and a big head for which I was frequently pestered.

I was bullied.

I had a fifth grade teacher who couldn’t stop clearing her throat; so I started doing it reflexively, and it took a whole year to break the habit. These things happen. The same way we pick up and lose accents when we live among different cultures.

I have lost some hair in places, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I wear eyeglasses, and they make me feel crippled; but I cannot see myself ever using contact lenses without infecting my eyes because my hands are too busy to be that clean when needed.

And, ya know what else?

If you’re kinda quiet, shy or humble (not as bold, confident and daring as the people around you), that’s just fine. I won’t mind.

If you feel the need to pick your nose, you’re human. Just do it when I am not looking and clean those fingers, after.

If you burp for whatever reason, an “Excuse me” is wonderful. But, I won’t think you rude or weird if you forget.

If you wear two different socks, is that such a big deal?

[I think I’ve said some of these before. And, it wouldn’t surprise me if you found them among older posts (like the “looking for love and happiness” ones where I state my “dating preferences”). There are habits I don’t like, including some people who talk incessantly without conscience as if they can’t tell when someone isn’t genuinely listening to them…yet they keep talking even as I walk away. But, if I wasn’t quirk tolerant, I don’t think I’d find someone like Zooey Deschanel appealing, at all.]


If you have a quirk, some habit that is unusual to others, it doesn’t mean you are mentally ill or unworthy of someone’s affection/attention. It may be annoying to some, but I’d prefer not to think it bothers EVERYONE. And, if your chosen spouse or mate happens to be bothered by it, maybe you’re hanging with the wrong tree. Ya know?

Every piece of the big picture puzzle fits somewhere. It just may be more difficult to find their place for some (myself included). It doesn’t mean we cut off our “bumps” to fit better. But, if YOU don’t like some aspect of yourself, it’s your call to change/fix it.

[Gosh, I get worked up when “professionals” turn nature into costly experiments.]