Posts Tagged ‘app

06
Nov
18

Look at All of My New Apps!

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Just look at all of them! I’m such a genius…and sure to be rich ever so soon! Patent pending, patent pending…pat-ent PEN-DING! Hands off. But, seriously, check these out. “I made that!”

SODL:   That’s where you go to sell horses…if you’re so rich and capable of owning some. You’ve never heard of putting a soddle on a horse? 😛

SNAKC:   That’s my Kansas City, Missouri-based company that ships snacks via drone so you don’t have to get up off your fat ass to fetch any food.

DRNKC:   And, that’s the partner company that supplies drinks to go with the snacks you’re too lazy to fetch.

CLOK:   That audibly tells you the time of day from whatever city you mention; you know, in case you’re too lazy to use fingers or look at a clock.

ISOR:   That’s an AI doctor you consult when you have a problem with your eyes, especially when you ought to know you’ve been looking at tiny radioactive screens too long.

CABL:   That’s where you go if you need to order twine, rope or wire; ya know, if you decide to hang yourself after too many hours of submitting to “the machine.”

CAKL:   That’s where you go if you need a laugh after tapping into so many upsetting stories because you just can’t stop the “feed-ing.”

ALYEN:   That’s a Japan-based banking app/company for beings from other planets that just happen to be visiting our world in secrecy. Shh!

PAYNT:   That’s not an app for ordering latex semi-gloss. It’s a financial service that helps you pay for things later, rather than now when you’re too busy shopping without actually interacting with anyone face-to-face. Their motto: PAY NEXT TIME.

FLUTR:   That’s an AI dating consultant that helps you decide how you feel about someone who gives you the “butterflies.”

SWIPHT:   That’s a quick pH tester for when you’re concerned about the condition of your drinking and/or swimming/bathing water; ya know, when those responsible for treating water are too preoccupied with modern technology conveniences to care.
Call 1-800-QUE-DUCT AQUEDUCT ROUTER!

[Wait.  That actually became a clickable link thing?  If you click that; you’re just dumb.  I’m leaving it there just to see how dumb people will be…ya know, without actually witnessing it.]

FITE:   That’s an app for reporting a violent scene to the proper authorities; in other words, a fight. Ya know, when restless leg syndrome from too many hours indoors on someone’s butt and/or with your face glued to a radioactive screen drives them mad with rage.

FIEV:   That’s an app for a virtual high-five; ya know, when you’re too anti-social or “introverted” to find someone willing to join hands over your head.

BRANDE:   No; it’s not an internet tavern. That’s a shopping app that helps you find online alternatives to actual brand-name items so you don’t have to be consumed by impulse shopping. You might confuse this will a little Nintendo 3DS game called Animal Crossing: New Leaf, in which you can acquire plenty of useless items over days of gameplay and fill a limited space with them, imagining what they’d really do if you had the real things.

Yay! So many poorly spelled words used as excuses for productive workplaces that benefit humankind and/or the planet! Pass me a coffee mug, Flo. I’m feeling progressive.

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18
Apr
18

Too Many Offices Behind the Screen?

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Everything is going internet and APP these days.  Or, so it seems.  No one wants to do anything face-to-face, anymore.  Where do you think that will lead?  And, what kind of faith do we have to have to trust those we cannot even see?

I mean, we might chance the occasional online shopping to get something that isn’t available in the local store.  But, if it’s near home, can’t we sum up the courage and resources to go get it?  [Not if we’re going to support drone service, download the app for everything and do what when something goes wrong?  Who are you going to call for help?  Some Uber android service representative?  Some remote control repair person?]

What gets me going on this tangent today?  Well, I’m noticing sooooo many bloggers writing advice columns for just about everything.  They take up probably 2/3 of this blog site, leaving the other 1/3 to personal tales and soooooooooooooooooo many poems.  Oh, and a few artists’ simplest of works.  Look, I drew a pencil.  LIKE it.  And, random photos from people looking to scrapbook life.

I get to thinking…who takes this advice seriously?  Who reads all of this stuff?  And, how do you trust some advisor you never met?  Are you going to consult a doctor who never touches your body or witnesses what you are suffering?   You prefer self-diagnosis and assumption?  [And, what of the advisor who isn’t even legitimately advising but leading you on to some linked sham?]

I forget that’s what we’ve been doing for a long time with tabloid TV shows and magazines featuring countless ads for pills, cigarettes, ridiculously expensive cars and watches, etc.  Magazines are known for this sort of thing.  So many articles and cover blurbs about how to do this and that better than you probably know yourself.  Why ask someone you know when you can read about it from a complete stranger?

Except, with good ol’ magazines and TV, there was nothing to open or click on to give you trouble.  You slowed your life down to read or watch.  You didn’t invite “malware” to shut down your TV or fingers.

Whatever happened to “word of mouth” or consulting your neighbor?

So, what am I achieving by writing out these thoughts?  I dunno.  Who really cares.  You’ve got more important things to do, see and read.  Like all those advice columns.  This isn’t exactly one of them.  But, it might sound like one.  And, while I know I am a genuine heart and soul writing these words, I realize you only know the text on the screen.  Everything else you feel is your imagination (and, maybe, gut feeling if you’re lucky).

 

 

06
May
15

Profound Thoughts: Hash This

And now, it’s time for another edition of Profound Thoughts with Writingbolt…

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I’m thinking of starting a new blog.  I’ll TAG it “TWIT with HASH” so I can freely show off my PERISCOPE for everyone to GO-OGLE instead of their ‘TUBES.  Then no one will have their FACE stuck in a BOOK, ever again.  Have I KINDLE-d your P-INTEREST, yet?

Next, I will print my ZAZZLE-ing YAHOO and Most Scandalous Nonsense on multiple forms made in China for pennies and let them TUMBL’ onto doorsteps.  It’s that ETSY!

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[If you have any other “app”/internet lingo you think I could/should add to this piece, feel free to suggest it.  And, if I approve, I will add your contribution.]




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