How to Be the Very Best (Like No One Ever Was)


1. Catch all of them, every single pokemon in the book(s).

2. Study and care for them equally (whether it takes you twenty years or a hundred).

3. Change your underwear every day. [Listen to your mother.]

4. Do not send a charizard to fight something a quarter of its size and/or strength when you lack sufficient street cred’ as a trainer.

5. Keep a pair of earplugs in your pocket just in case you encounter a jigglypuff. [The same applies for other noisy pokemon. But, only jigglypuff will pull out a marker to mar your face while you’re sleeping.]

6. Do not throw rocks instead of pokeballs. [Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: If you throw a rock at a spearow…]

7. If you are a boy/man, do not dress like a girl/woman. Even if someone pressures you to do so. And, if this gives you some kind of sick thrill, get help.

8. Speak with every older person you meet; ignore the younger ones. You’re bound to meet the parents of rivals and gym leaders who will put their children in compromising positions to make your quest easier.

9. If you befriend a trainer of the opposite sex, do not be afraid to pursue a romantic relationship with that person. They stick by you for a reason. Learn the signs.

9B. Do not prevent someone from initiating a relationship with a member of the opposite sex by–say–pulling their ear in a rather painful way. If you do this, you should be disciplined for denying someone a chance at happiness/prolonging loneliness.

10. Ignore rules #1 and #4, simply observe all creatures in their natural habitats and, instead of competing with others, use this time to improve your mind and body without artificial enhancements.


~Writingbolt 2016





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