Dear Jennifer Lawrence,


Oh, Jennifer…

You five-foot-nine-inch bundle of razor-sharp wit and fiery beauty. You fierce, gorgeous creature. Why do you play these Hunger Games with me? What is this Mystique about you that plagues my heart?

You say you have a hard time finding a date. You shut down those who displease you in the coldest of terms. You say nerves make you turn to vodka for relief. You’re tripping over yourself to get the gold. You’re getting drunk with some of the most beautiful women in your present business. [And, there’s this little part of me that would love to get all of you together in one room.] If only you knew what your astrology does to me. [Yeah. I just went geek on you.]

I’ve never had much luck with Leos (western astrology). Nor horse years (Chinese). [And, you being a metal horse year is certainly no plus for me.] Statistics don’t bode well for us. Yet, there is just something about horses (both the sign and the animal itself) that mesmerize me. Both Leos and horse years are capable of having overflowing beauty (including great hair), powerful voices and surprising strength that gets the jobs others struggle to complete done. Actually, a Leo Horse would have enough charm coming out of his/her “yoohoo” to delegate just about any task to someone else…if only they could trust that person to do as well as they can.

There is much confusion and discontent in a Leo Horse. Time spent in front of a mirror, asking oneself…am I a leader? I am obviously great at something. I mean…LOOK at me! I’m gorgeous…aren’t I? Who says I am gorgeous? And, who told me I was a star? Where are they? And, can they be trusted?

I first noticed you in an X-Men movie, stealing the limelight from the rest of the cast with your realistic portrayal of a young woman torn between being what she was made and what she thought she had to be to blend into the crowd. Could there be a more perfect role for your stars?

It seems you are either plucked from the audition room by a genius or you pick your roles carefully. So, why are you so nervous? Is the power you possess terrifying? Could you be afraid of having an exaggerated ego? I don’t know if you should cover your flames and go into hiding with some voice acting or writing career or turn your boundless stamina toward some more charitable vocation like nursing or carpentry.

Please put down the bottle and listen to me. You’re beautiful and talented. You don’t need to be #1, but you easily could be. Yet, being at the top is often if not always a perilous game. If this whirlwind of fame and fortune is making you turn to the dark side of alcohol, save yourself now.

Don’t mock me, J. I’m serious. You are not just a pretty face. I can see you soaring above the clouds with your fiery wings, teaching humanity to wise up and show more respect to each other while getting down to business that benefits us all.

Wait. What am I drinking? Am I thinking clearly? Or, am I drunk on this vision I have of you? Just one look at the right picture, and I am paralyzed, imagining what it would be like to lay–er, stand (no, lay) at your side.

If what I say has any positive effect upon you, I’d appreciate a little note sent my way. [Not some form memo thrown together by a representative deflecting drooling fans.] I’d like to talk with you. I am sure the experience would be exciting…if not a little unsettling.

Sincerely…I think,
Writingbolt, a wizard of words captivated by a white unicorn

From “The Many Loves of Writingbolt”

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