Tragic Personal Update

I’ll keep this brief as it’s hard for me to resort to pecking with one hand…

I fell on icy snow in a most foolish way.  It’s my fault I dislocated my left elbow.  I didn’t get immediate care…it’s a complicated story.  I saw lots of “professionals” with differing answers.  I had too many useless x-rays.  I was put under so strongly, I thought I died and didn’t sleep the next night.  I thought I’d dodge surgery and ended up with the worst news next to amputation.  My family is too trusting to support my doubts and all I have to help.  I am miserable, feeling hapless and helpless.  And, I can’t help feeling like people took advantage of me.

I’m not me…am I?  I don’t feel like my usual self, and that arm doesn’t match my right.

28 Responses to “Tragic Personal Update”

  1. March 8, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    Been there done that, sort of. You have an alien arm to match my alien leg. Recovery is a tough road and it’s hard coping with it, but you will get there. Huge hugs and get well soon x

    • March 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      I just want to cry like a baby. You are so quick to respond. Thanks for the kind words. It’s hard not to have doubts.

      • March 8, 2015 at 8:12 pm

        Trust me I did cry like a baby. I’m not going to lie, because its not easy. I had surgery on Friday the 13th I thought I was a goner. I was petrified of physio and petrified of hospital appointments, and I spent about 4 months out of the 6 worrying myself into a tizzy. All for nothing. Sure my leg will never be right and yes I’ll have pain, but do you what I’m walking and I was stronger than I thought. I made I through, and so will you, no matter how bad it seems. Just don’t give up!

      • March 8, 2015 at 8:23 pm

        The other monster in the fog here is the cost of what I have yet to complete. I am afraid some “vampires” are out to suck my family dry.

        I had surgery on 3/6/15 at a place with an equally scary number in its phone number. I get these lil feelings the universe is trying to warn me, but my only available helpers are–no offense to my family–naive lil laborers.

      • March 8, 2015 at 8:26 pm

        Yeah the cost for you guys is certainly scary 😦 You’ll adjust and find your own limits and ways of doing things when you’re healing. Its amazing how we adapt. Best of luck, always here if you need to talk.

      • March 8, 2015 at 8:57 pm

        Thanks. You should contact me by email so we don’t have to make all this so public. I need all the friends I can get.

        I just wanted to give a heads-up to any “followers” who care/wonder. Eventually, I’ll take this down with the other sad crap that comes out of my right hand.

      • March 8, 2015 at 8:59 pm

        My mail will show in your comments, so shoot me one if and when you need to. Never take anything down, sometimes it’s good to look back and remind yourself where you came from 🙂

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:03 pm

        Sometimes. But, when it comes to tragic crap like this, I prefer to take the Sam Neil as Merlin route and make it go away by never saying its name or looking its way, again. If I don’t speak ill of it, it won’t be as bad. I don’t want to repeat myself, either. As it is, I feel like I hurt this arm before and am going through another scary deja vu portal.

        I will look for your address but cannot count on this ever changing site to make the task easy.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:07 pm

        One more note: Breaking your leg made you take a break from walking (unless you were lucky to manage with crutches). But, with one hand, it’s a miracle I can type much less read a book. I keep losing my page and dropping the book; and I don’t even like reading much:P I want to type, draw, play video games and make my own sandwich.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:12 pm

        I didn’t breal my leg, I ruptured my Patellar tendon as in severed it completely from the knee. I had to wear a leg brace for 3 months which was adjusted every 3 weeks as I learned to re-bend my leg. That was all after they had drilled 3 holes in my knee cap and sewn it back together. Trust me, not being able to bend your leg is debilitating too, but like I said, you will find ways to adjust. My cousin lost an arm in a hay baler and he can read books and make sandwiches. Stop jumping ahead of yourself like I did, that’s the bit that drags you down, just take things one day at a time.
        You’ve every right to feel angry and frustrated cos these things don’t happen to us, but sadly they do. Don’t ponder, find solutions 🙂

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:16 pm

        Oh…well, this was tendon loss and bone damage/loss. I jump ahead because I am a very restless, hapless spirit. If the wind had a broken limb, it would howl in pain, too. And, the world would suffer.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:20 pm

        I know and I was the same, I was used to being on the go always, I missed work and interaction. I really wish I had had my blog back them because I think it would have helped.
        When you look at my legs down as in from the thiugh down the bad one is noticably thinner, my muscles still have not come back. The worst thing about that is that what is now my untreated knee used to be my bad one, it has a 75% knee cap displacement. I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that by the time I am 50 I won’t be able to ascend or descend stairs lol Work hard at your physio 😛

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:31 pm

        Now I am even more scared and distressed! 😦

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:35 pm

        Don’t be, you guys get awesome physio over there, I got one 30 min appointment a week and even they missed a few because people went sick. The first person to really help me was my work physio, she was amazing. Just because the muscle mass is not there doesn’t mean it’s weak, my physio said my strength was a 4 out of 5 and was matching my other leg, it just looks a little different. I was off my feet for a good two months lol

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:39 pm

        What do you know about physio around the world? I don’t know much about the ways of the UK.

        Part of me is afraid I’ll have one black man’s “Popeye” arm, cuz it’s swollen and dark…and one pasty Conan O’Brien arm that’s thin and white, an ugly picture. I also am not sure about dancing, riding horses, swimming, playing guitar and lifting much of anything.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:42 pm

        When i first sustained my injury I went looking for any information I could find, because for the first 4 days I knew nothing, I was not even aware that I would have to have surgery. Luckily for me it was clean tear right from the bone, for others its in the middle which is like trying to sew two mop heads together.
        I found a fantastic form of people who had sustained the same injury for all over the world and physio etc came up in general discussion. People in the states were going 3 times a week for like one – two hour sessions.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:46 pm

        I don’t want to research it. I didn’t even want to see the x-rays til I feared someone was messing with me.

        Yea, but tearing something in half sounds easier to sew than drilling into bone to “staple” the roots…and remove the staple later? I really don’t want a second operation. I cannot imagine going more than once a week. My “driver/s” won’t manage it.

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:56 pm

        Mines sewn in too, just a different way. Hopefully it won’t come to that. Keep your chin up x

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:58 pm

        Well, the “kind” doc said they’d have to reconstruct it with latex if it came loose. He also said he’d try to save the bone…I guess he didn’t. My chin and shoulders hurt. I’m perpetually tired and mopey.

      • March 8, 2015 at 10:13 pm

        It will get better honest. All I can offer is virtual hugs x

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:15 pm

        That said, no video games would totally suck, but at least you can go outside. I was stuck inside for 2 months apart from appointments lol
        Go create your own video games, just not GTA or anything like that. Paperboy or something, throw with your good arm lol

      • March 8, 2015 at 9:18 pm

        I can’t hold a controller. I want to play on my PC, but I need both hands to man the two sets of keys I need. Create my own games? Now, YOU are getting ahead of my limits/abilities,

  2. 23 notabowlofcherries
    March 14, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    Hope you have a speedy recovery! 🙂

  3. March 23, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Hope you are doing well. So sorry about the injury, no fun at all. Hope you found a good doctor and things are looking up.

    • March 23, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      I am doing rehab exercises and functioning okay…for one good arm. But, It’s not an easy road. And, every day my mood and energy fluctuate. I often feel helpless and alone though I do get some help. But, so much is fast and confusing, coming at me. And, I won’t rest easily til I have full use back. Yet, I may never be the same because…I’m not.

      Thanks for the kind words and dose of hope/good wishes. I need them. And, a smile from a pretty face doesn’t hurt, either. 🙂

  4. March 23, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Whoa… so sorry to hear. I can’t fain knowing how this must feel. I’ll keep my phycho babble out of it. Just know there are people routing for you to keep moving forward. Don’t let fear take anymore from you. Do what you can do.

    • March 23, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Few I know can. In fact, no one in my family has faced what I have. Lucky me.

      Sorry I felt the need to write about it or suffer it. I dunno how to feel about people being sorry to hear/read it. 🙂

      Psycho babble ay? As in some affirmations or religious quotes from a famous name? Like “live, laugh love” or “life’s too short” to not do something?

      Where are people routing me now? Oh, ROOTing for me. 🙂 I see. Well, it would be nicer if I knew ya better. But, thanks all the same.

      Fear is a consistent pest on my back, lurking over my shoulder and waiting to cackle at me.

      I am a survivor.

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