08
Dec
14

One Person’s Quirk Is Okay with Another

I like to think of myself as a multifaceted therapist. I’m a great back massage giver. I call them magic fingers. I haven’t done much with it, but I consider myself a decent art therapist (using art exercises to help people work through their “mental clutter”). And, I’ve been a decent listener most of my life without collecting $75-250 an hour for my time and saying very little.

But, here I am catching a few minutes of one goofy talk show in a million and hearing these “professionals” tell people with quirks that bother them that they should get help…and all I want to say is, “I don’t mind that quirk. I think it’s kinda cute. It’s unique and refreshing.”

And, isn’t that okay? Aren’t our quirks okay? Or, is every little odd/unique thing we do automatically a reason to sound the therapist/nut house alarm?

Warning: I’m about to rant. So, if you suffer from a “short attention span,” you may want to skip down past the partitioned section to the wrap-up.

———————

That’s ridiculous! It’s a quirk. It was probably caused by conditioning from exposure to some particular behavior from other people…whether that’s family, classmates or coworkers. And, all it takes to get out of that “kink” is to adjust yourself to someone new who makes you more comfortable. Until then, any conditioning therapy is going to be like slapping a smoker on the wrist to make them quit. You might force change, but will that make you feel better or just break the habit? Will you feel good about changing yourself or just comply with one more reprimand from peers? Is peer pressure a prescription for costly therapy and/or hazardous medication?

If you ask a “professional” outside the office, I am sure they’d love to set you up with a session schedule if they are starved for clients. But, once you get in that office, if they tell you your quirk is just part of you that you need to accept, what are you paying them for? And, if they recommend treatment or pills, what are you doing in that crazy person’s office??

A “professional” cannot replace family and friends the person really needs who will likely know more about the person rather than have them have to dig up aaaaall the history anew for some total stranger collecting a steep hourly fee. And, if you add up all the hours it would take to go through all that family history to get the “professional” up to speed, how much do you suspect that would cost?

Have you ever heard these expressions?

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

I am so sick and tired of what some consider a weakness or strange being sufficient reason for telling someone to “get help.” It’s bad enough kids get bullied in school for having a big head or small frame or a lack of a good role model/sport coach or extra body fat.

Well, guess what.

I suffer from poor self-confidence.

I grew up with a small frame and a big head for which I was frequently pestered.

I was bullied.

I had a fifth grade teacher who couldn’t stop clearing her throat; so I started doing it reflexively, and it took a whole year to break the habit. These things happen. The same way we pick up and lose accents when we live among different cultures.

I have lost some hair in places, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I wear eyeglasses, and they make me feel crippled; but I cannot see myself ever using contact lenses without infecting my eyes because my hands are too busy to be that clean when needed.

And, ya know what else?

If you’re kinda quiet, shy or humble (not as bold, confident and daring as the people around you), that’s just fine. I won’t mind.

If you feel the need to pick your nose, you’re human. Just do it when I am not looking and clean those fingers, after.

If you burp for whatever reason, an “Excuse me” is wonderful. But, I won’t think you rude or weird if you forget.

If you wear two different socks, is that such a big deal?

[I think I’ve said some of these before. And, it wouldn’t surprise me if you found them among older posts (like the “looking for love and happiness” ones where I state my “dating preferences”). There are habits I don’t like, including some people who talk incessantly without conscience as if they can’t tell when someone isn’t genuinely listening to them…yet they keep talking even as I walk away. But, if I wasn’t quirk tolerant, I don’t think I’d find someone like Zooey Deschanel appealing, at all.]

————————————

If you have a quirk, some habit that is unusual to others, it doesn’t mean you are mentally ill or unworthy of someone’s affection/attention. It may be annoying to some, but I’d prefer not to think it bothers EVERYONE. And, if your chosen spouse or mate happens to be bothered by it, maybe you’re hanging with the wrong tree. Ya know?

Every piece of the big picture puzzle fits somewhere. It just may be more difficult to find their place for some (myself included). It doesn’t mean we cut off our “bumps” to fit better. But, if YOU don’t like some aspect of yourself, it’s your call to change/fix it.

[Gosh, I get worked up when “professionals” turn nature into costly experiments.]

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8 Responses to “One Person’s Quirk Is Okay with Another”


  1. 1 morgueticiaatoms
    December 10, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    I really like the way your mind works. Your writing is provocative. I also love the way you describe yourself as a lightning bolt, able to be creative or destructive.
    For the record, I am bipolar and I do take mood stabilizers. They make a big difference.
    But as for my quirks, which the DSM 5 wants to classify as a mental disorder…I have a big issue with that. They want to make introversion a dysfunction. One doctor called me schizotypal for liking vampires and dressing outside the norm.
    i like my quirks, even if those around me don’t. I mean, I live in the midwest where country music and denim and flannel rule. I guess it makes sense they don’t get a chick who likes to wear black, listens to heavy metal, and decorates her home for Halloween year round.
    Honestly, who are my quirks hurting?
    Now my moodiness, my impatience, my mercurial nature…Those I could work on.
    It’s nice to finally find a blogger who I can relate to. Keep being quirky, it’s awesome.

    • December 10, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      That’s the nature of the neglected or rejected, isn’t it? To feel both constructive and destructive while those who go about living “happier” lives may choose to be oblivious to any destructive potential until life decides to drop the floor from under them. That’s when people give up on their family’s faith/religion of old and start taking up scary materialistic and hollow pursuits.

      Some go on killing or crime sprees or beat themselves senseless. I try to stay somewhat optimistic and not participate in such violence/destruction.

      But, even in a space like this, my words can be destructive when the intent is to simply voice my feelings (at the time). I get little taps on my shoulder, eventually, telling me how stupid I was to say what I did. If I am lucky, I can curb the destruction. But, that’s not often the case.

      Yes, I see you have a dark side. And, you will find I am quite anti-medication for my own reasons…while you and others in your position might stand by them.

      Here’s my thoughts (now) on “mental disorders.” When I was a teen, I thought they were an illness I had. [I won’t go into all the details of my therapy experience.] But, now, I see those “disorders” as conditioned thinking we develop from both what others repeatedly do/say to us and how we respond. It’s the environment we live that creates these “monsters” much the way man created Frankenstein and (some sources say) witches created vampires (or gypsies created/cursed werewolves).

      Being an introvert is not reason for medication or therapy. And, therapy, in my opinion (as I kinda said already in the post) should come from ourselves and those with which we–hopefully–associate. You’ll find self-help books by authors who praise themselves for correcting their mistakes through faith and having such wonderful mentors around them. But, where are the case studies or chapters about the “wrong people” that might have led them astray? Or, what if they didn’t have such influences and were simply able to grow in a healthy environment like some plants flourish better than others, depending upon where the seeds fall?

      I also could write about how it seems a human “flaw” to suddenly feel a need to preach from the soapbox…which I think many if not most bloggers–including myself at times–do. Who are we to dispatch wisdom and advice beyond our own experiences in themselves? Yet, we seem compelled to classify things as A or B and group people and make one instance reason for expertise. I could be wrong about some people. But, is anyone really an expert?

      Well, we all need people–or we want people–to like us as we are; don’t we? So, I don’t care what anyone says about just being happy with and loving ourselves. We still have to go out in this world to function and “buy” our rights to space and the needs our bodies demand. So, we have to get along and occasionally adapt to others’ ways, right? “When in Rome” the old saying goes. I don’t have to go places and adapt myself a way I don’t like if I can help it. But, in other cases, it saves us the conflict of two sides not finding a common, safe ground upon which to meet and spare ourselves the pains of solitude and feeling alien.

      Did you get all that? I kinda ran on there.

      Well, what you see as okay quirks could be “too loud” for some. Just as what I do is too often considered “weird” or “immature” by people I run into and with whom share my privacy. You may like to shout all the time and stomp your feet, but others won’t accept or respect that. And, when it’s not your space upon which you tread, you may have to conform to keep the peace, just as there are laws that “make” us follow traffic lights and crosswalks/lines to avoid accidents. Too bad there isn’t a traffic light for curbing road rage. I don’t think cops need to pull people over to give tickets for that, do they?

      You’re in a different Midwest than I know, then:) I thought country music ruled further south. The Midwest I know likes its alternative music and is more inclined to like your heavy metal if you do drugs or hang in the shadows:P I went to high school with “death metal” nuts who smoked their brains out and lurked in the shadows once they shed their “Catholic uniforms.” Suffice to say, I didn’t join them. ‘Wasn’t my thing. ‘Didn’t sit well with my spirit or roots.

      But, I’ll take a woman who wears denim, especially those denim bras and cut-off shorts (not too short). As for jeans, I am not a butt guy, so I groan from all the tight jean/”jeggins” crap.

      I know someone who does Halloween almost yearly. I just can’t get into that. Plus, my idea of Halloween is none of the scary stuff, which is kinda anti-Halloween when I think of it.

      Impatience, moodiness and mercurial (a Gemini trait) behavior are all good in balance and with the right balancing partner/coworker/friend/family member. But, out of balance, they can be consuming or appear violent.

      Yea, well, maybe I will get back to you on that when my quirks finally find a place to call a happy home. I just was mad at the “professionals” I saw speaking their minds. I’m not removing my stand on quirks. I’m just still looking for where they fit the big picture of my life and this world/or the next.

  2. November 8, 2015 at 11:48 am

    I think quirky is what sets you apart from the rest…proud of it …if we were all the same, life would be a bit boring ๐Ÿ™ƒK

    • November 9, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      Are you proud of being quirky yourself?

      Life already seems a bit boring when you think of how people get roped into forms of slavery for someone’s profit. When money matters and drugs dominate the airwaves. When everything just seems like a rat race or science experiment. It bores me to tears.

      Thanks for your input. ๐Ÿ™‚ Nice “diffused” nature photo. And, I like the merger of Snoopy with the Starry Night.

      • November 9, 2015 at 6:34 pm

        I’ve always relished in the quirkiness…so yes, proud of it. The materialism of life always kind of pissed me off…my collections that grill me the most are a walk in the woods collecting feathers and stones, the only real techno I have is this iPad which enabled me to finally write and begin my blogs. The issues with mass marketing and greed of course has it’s downfalls which have gone on throughout the history of time…we never seem to learn from past mistakes and are doomed to the insanity from the repeat performances…a sad state of affairs….but I do get my mind lost in the stars and clouds, grounding myself on the grass and mediating to find peace. I never thought I could change the world as a lot of times no ones listening…but I do try to spread some joy in the meantime. Peace and blessings, K

      • November 9, 2015 at 6:41 pm

        If everyone was quirky, would we notice the differences or just wonder why everyone is the same? ๐Ÿ˜› A question for the Aquarians.

        I collect feathers, stones, acorns and seashells from different places I am lucky to visit. I have some stashed away in small boxes. But, other collections take up far more space and get on peoples’ nerves…

        What do you mean your collections grill you?

        If we are truly repeating our mistakes, that might explain why no new species come to visit. They don’t want to swim in these foolish waters. ๐Ÿ˜›

        Feel free to use the Contact page or Chat Cafe if you want to chat more.

      • November 10, 2015 at 8:57 am

        Thrill me….not grill me…silly spell check….the iPad is quirky too๐Ÿ˜‰

      • November 10, 2015 at 2:25 pm

        Technology is quirky in a vexing way. But then, man designed it. So…


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