28
Jul
14

The AMAZING Lies

 

 

And now, back to Late Night with Writingbolt!

Alright. Welcome back. My first guest tonight is a stellar performer known for his work in YADA and YADA. Here to discuss his latest epic about NADA which hits theaters this weekend. Please welcome…

 

 

Have you ever watched a “talk” or “entertainment”/”tabloid” show just to see some celebrity interview and hear what they have to say about their latest movie, TV show or theater project? And, have you ever counted the number of times their eyes go blank as the word “amazing” slips from their parched lips?

I once saw a theater trivia slide (those image stills you might see before the trailers and unrelated ads begin rolling across the screen) which mentioned the use of a certain word in “the business” to loosen lips before reciting lines. [I think it was rhubarb.] If I listen to my conspiracy theory inner voice, I’d presume “amazing” was code for something entirely different. And, maybe…just maybe…the varying inflection of actors’ voices indicates a change in the translation. Maybe a swift, shrill “amazing” means the host should move quickly to the next question. And, maybe, a lower, softer, drawn-out “amazing” means: “I’m still regretting submitting myself to this filthy money train and can’t wait til these interviews finally end and I can (insert your costly therapy of choice).” Surely, an “amazing” uttered with a cough and/or a scratch of the cheek means something negative is lurking under the actor’s or actress’ fingernails. In any case, it’s yet another load of televised crap that I am personally tired of witnessing.

[Of course, I could just stop watching like some people. But, how then would I learn what Gretta Somebody’s favorite flower is so I can buy stock in the plant before stalking my way to her back doorstep? I’m kidding. Or, AM I?!]

DID you enjoy working with that director who likes explosions in every one of his dumb films though they risk your very life in the pursuit of box office records? Or, are you still seeing stars from the flames and waiting for your ears to stop ringing?

Did you REALLY like every member of the cast you worked with? Or, did someone make your four months on and/or off set so miserable that you considered making a dangerous cocktail of sleeping pills and vodka? Maybe you’d like to get that weight off your chest before your therapist puts you on some dangerous medication or your arm no longer has room for one more rubber band.

Did you REALLY enjoy going on a strict diet and having your body put through a Play-Doh fun factory just to fit the shape the casting director/s wanted? Do you REALLY like risking your health by changing your appearance, including your weight/body mass, every time you take a new role? Or, would you rather play parts that take you as you are and spare the plastic surgery (though you may have to work on using different vocal tones and personalities that are not your own)? [In other words, you pretend to be someone else and wear a costume if necessary. And, casting directors either search farther than their noses for actors to fit the parts or cut those available some physical slack. But, you’re free to eat and drink whatever you please and skip the countless trips to the therapist and/or personal trainer squad.]

If you’re willing to hear my advice, anyone who feels the need to use the word “amazing” or any of its regret-masking cousins should turn to the one giving the interview and say, “I’m not going to answer that at this time.” Or, here’s a refreshing idea. Be honest.

But, I suppose, that’s too dangerous and difficult, considering nothing negative can be said without creating foul gossip/business. [Of course, bad news in your local area and current events around the world is an exception to this rule. You don’t see weather reporters putting “amazing” spins on severe storms destroying neighborhoods. Well, you might. But, that just means the reporter is really due for a vacation because he or she has been locked away in a room of computer monitors and radar equipment far too long.] Why waste the viewers’ time with fabricated information? And, why make those participating in the project wax over the truth in interview after interview after interview after…

You want people to tune in? Stop making ME tune out! Or, here’s a novel notion. Skip the discussion of the process, fill in the gaps with more relatable personal topics and then get right to the film clip.

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