Drop “Kick-Ass”; Save Heroes and Actors

When your target audience has to be horny teenage “freaks” and potential pedaphiles, “Kick-Ass” is your movie.  A high school reject running around with an eleven year-old girl and her “big daddy” committing more murder than justice “just for the fun of it” to get revenge.  If that doesn’t spell “recipe for disaster”, then it would be the inclusion of Nicholas Cage, a red flag for a bad movie if I’ve ever seen one.  I should have known better going into this.  Sexual humor and extensive violence resembling “Watchmen”(which pooped on the concept of superheroes) combined with turning Batman into the Joker before burning him with his mistake.  However, this movie has potential for anyone writing an intelligent hero vs. homemade nemesis story with human hero characters.  It is unfortunate the creators of this film chose to use such intelligent material so poorly.


The story starts with Dave, a high school “loser”, narrating how his life parallels that of Marvel Comics nerd Peter Parker(including a resemblance to Tobey Maguire) with some slight differences.  Including foul-mouthed social skills and a rated PG-13 way of coping with his interest in boobs.  [Kleenex associates would be dabbing their tears with pride.  Not.]  His reputation paired with his sorry excuses for friends turns him to the life of a superhero.  With no powers and internet access, he is able to acquire the gear necessary to start a phone cam craze.  It also takes the breaking of every one of his bones and a Wolverine surgery to get him…somewhere.  And, what would such a Spider-Man rip-off story be without a crime boss who is being hounded by a real life Batman wannabe(down to the utility belt and bat-like cowl) and his tiny little daughter.  [Can we say copyright infringement?]  Throw in a redhead who thinks our “hero” is gay, and the cast is complete.  The mob boss has a son(cue “Mclovin” of “Superbad” de-fame) who eagerly wants in on daddy’s business.  And, when he is done going through the steps to get there, he is left with the business soley in his hands and ready to start a life as a “super villain”.  [That’s right.  I have fairly well outlined the entire story.]


If I haven’t peppered this movie with enough “bullets”, I would like to reassure you that despite the impressive action sequences and thought-provoking moments which all good hero movies demand, there is enough stupidity and disturbing material to give any moral, sensible hero fan a headache.  The message of the film seems to be making anyone who ever thinks of being a superhero or reading a comic book about one feel stupid and like a freak.  And, then it encourages such stupidity and “freakdom” while pooping on the concept of a superhero.  “Big Daddy” is everything Batman isn’t.  And, though that is original in a way, it’s just another sad Night Owl.  Though one might think it possible and try these stunts themselves, the movie makes it clear that you would still need unreal circumstances(surgery, millions in stolen money or an army of hitmen and/or heavy artillery) to achieve anything other than dying a miserable death. 


Some might call it a Public Service Announcement to “not try this at home”.  Some might call it “f’n stupid funny”.  I prefer to call it perverse and reasonably stupid.  But, again, there is potential and bits that make for a good story.  I just don’t want to see them handled by a pre-teen and a madman bent on revenge over a simple framing case.  And, if the cast of this film is not sentenced to a lousy death in acting, they sure have given their careers a big bruise.  [Save Mclovin.]


While I try to shake the red mist that is blood from my mind, I will give “Kick-Ass”(rightfully rated R at a potentially ridiculous 2 hours in length) 2 stars out of 5(1.5 out of 4).  At best, I’d recommend it as a rental.  That way you may fast foward past the parts that bother you and try to grasp some of the more intelligent hero movie elements which often go missing or fail to be delivered with the proper filming.  I would hate for films like this to make matters worse for comic book fans and turn more people into “monsters”.


–writingbolt, free-lance and human movie critic without commercial bias
[There were no intelligent quotes that weren’t ripped from another story.  Unfortunately.]


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